Pregnancy

It's a lot harder growing a baby than I ever imagined. Some have it pretty easy. Some have it way hard. I definitely fall in the middle ground and probably towards the easy side, but I'm still surprised some days (weeks). Aside from the physical changes and limitations, there are the occasional emotional flare ups, which generally just add to the physical wear and tear of a day. It looks far more glamorous in blogs and on Instagram than it feels in real life. 

That said, I had a moment today where I could feel where baby was leaning in me. I of course touched around to see if she would kick or move in response to me. She didn't, but at that moment it seemed as though I could see her inside me, a very real little girl who is part of our family. I cried. Mostly from fear that I won't be the mother she deserves. But also for the wonder of this new person coming to earth. It was a hint of motherly love. I guess I'm really growing up now. 

That guy I married that one time...

I love him. 

Happy Two Months!

Has it only been two months? It seems both longer and shorter. The great news this month is that I have wedding pictures!!! I've had so much fun looking at them... I'll let them speak for themselves. 

At least one of us was ready to get married....

Our beautiful venue, Le Jardin

Cute nieces as flower girls

Button, button, who's got the button?

Mom always knows best

The cuteness!

Handsome boys! Someone coached Carson really well, it looks like :)

We're married!! Cue the Hallelujah chorus!

Our dear family and friends

Tyler: It's tough being almost 2 

My cute nieces and nephews!!

Grandparents with their grandkids

My beautiful mother

My handsome father

My four brothers - a rose between the thorns? That, or some seriously awesome bodyguards. I'm the luckiest girl to have these brothers watching out for me!

Sweet Tyler

The Burgin Family

The Smith Family and friends 

The Smith Family

Kids are the best!

Possibly the best bouquet shot I've ever seen captured on film! 

True love 

David Rollo Smith and Erica Burgin (Smith)

Wow!! Let's just pause for a moment and recognize that this is my last full week at work before my wedding!!! I can't believe this day is almost here. Even now, it is a little surreal. But I am so confident and excited and ready to take this next step with Dave. 

I get to look at this announcement every day - at my work cubicle and at home on my fridge! What an excellent man.... I love him. In 8 days I will give him the biggest hug ever! Let's get married, Dave. I love you. 

Luuuvvv, trwweewww lluuuuuuuuv

My Dave is incredible. So wise! So handsome! So strong! He is honestly better than my dream guy. I never dreamed big enough... didn't really think such a perfect-for-me man could exist! His strengths balance my imperfections. We become a pair of grinning idiots together because seeing him makes me smile, and him seeing me makes him smile, so I smile more so he smiles more so I.... well, you get the idea. He knows when to hold me and when to offer suggestions. He sacrifices one of his most precious resources - sleep - so we can Skype. There's so many dreams and futures, and wedding plans, to discuss that we often run past our 8pm/10pm curfew. 

Can I just mention how excited I am to be in the same time-zone, state, city, and HOUSE as my love in just 23 days!??

Can I also mention how it all still seems a bit surreal? Was it like that for anyone else?

In honor of this week's afternoon thunderstorms, here's a pic of Dave and I on our London/Scotland adventures. It's the first of many trips we will share together!

Bless Dave's sun-sensitive eyes :)

Busy times

Life is super busy right now! 

We didn't really send these out, since invites are coming super soon.

I'm so excited to be marrying my best friend. Sometimes it's a little crazy to think how quickly and smoothly everything has happened, but when the timing is right, things just work. I love Dave and can't wait to be with him again - for now through eternity!

Science has spoken

TIME has decided to help a girl out and clear the air about marriage. Specifically, how far off the mark I am in being 28 and single. 

GOOD NEWS!

I have 10 months and 11 days before I fall on the wrong side of the median!

For what it's worth, the site does a nice job explaining it's methodology and how it calculates the data. It's not exactly a comprehensive survey or comparison, but seems fairly reliable. 

Mostly, I'm just glad to see my suggested "expiration date" is in the future. With girls I once babysat now having babies (!!!), I figured I would be far past my prime marriage time. 

Thanks, science. Happy Valentine's Day!

Sometimes the strong are weak

I don't want to mope or whine or relive the past. Truly. If you want to know more, well.... You will understand. Valentines Day 2012. Enough said?

I didn't think it would be hard this year. Most of the emotional hurt from him is completely gone. But given today and what my head and heart are doing.... I don't know if I'm strong enough for tomorrow. On top of work being busy and stressful. On top of my allergies slamming in full force.

This isn't the prayer post yet, but if you want to put your next 24 hours of prayer to a good cause, I'm happy to accept them. Just to get though tomorrow. And then it will all be fine.

In the immortal words of Peter Pan, "just think happy thoughts."

Dear Secret Admirer..

... if you actually were to exist, you would be getting me an amazing Valentine's day gift. Because that's how wonderful you are! You know me well, and I just have to share with everyone what you would get me! 

You'd start off my morning with breakfast in bed (along with an early wake up call so I'd have time to eat it). Eggs, toast, bacon, orange juice... you're saving the sweet things for later, of course! There's a flower or bouquet to brighten the cold morning as well. And what's that you just carried in behind your back? A gift! 

Smart man. This is where I hug you, kiss you, and tell you just how wonderful I think you are. I'll head off to work, on could nine as I contemplate seeing you again at the end of my day. 

Well, it's the end of the day and we are meeting downtown to grab dinner. We might go to a fun, unique ethnic restaurant, or head on over (with everyone else, I'm sure) to Cheesecake Factory. Actually, scratch that. We're grabbing dessert from Cheesecake Factory, but then we're driving home so I can make you your favorite dinner! We love cooking together... okay, I mostly cook and you mostly try to distract me and be the taste-tester. We'll eat, tidy up, then take our desserts and watch a fun flick, or maybe head back out for a performance. As a final surprise, since you know I've been rather obsessed with deep, turquoise shades of blue, you'll whip this out. Just because you think I'm worth it. 

http://www.bluenile.com/london-blue-white-sapphire-ring-sterling-silver_33505?gclid=CIac387IsrUCFWlxQgod1jEAfw&click_id=67308146
(size 6, fits perfect!)

Well, my darling admirer, I hate to part ways with you, but alas I must bid you adieu. If you feel so inclined to show up on my doorstep with any and/or all of these gifts, I can promise you flat out you'll get a wonderful Valentine's kiss! 

A poem for your thoughts

It's funny, I never figured I'd be one of those people that get's behind on blogging. After all, not much is going on in my life. I don't have kids to give updates about and share their cute stories, I don't have a husband to brag about his accomplishments or sweet actions, I don't even have a consistent hobby to take pictures of and show my improvement. And still, I have somehow managed to get behind in my blogging. You know what that means.

Life is pretty good.  

In honor of life being pretty good - let's pretend I didn't just remember the nearly 3 feet of snow outside making driving a major hassle - I'm going to share a poem with you, by Derek Walcott. Back in my days of graduate studies, I had a professor who had wisely chosen to focus his area of humanities research in the Caribbean. Brilliant! Who wouldn't love traveling there for research? One of the people he worked with closely was a Caribbean poet, Derek Walcott. Professor Handley talked about his poems a lot, yet I never really read any of them back then. For some reason, though, I felt inspired to check him out this week. The following poem was one of the top search results, and what a great poem it is! I feel like it captures a lot of what I have been feeling lately in my journey to self-recovery and self-discovery.

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life. 

Derek Walcott

Weddings!

Before I get into this picture post, I just wanted to mention something. I was working on my computer settings and when I went to my blog, it ended up doing an address search for it. One of the post results it pulled up was about this past February/March or so... and those associated events. (Yes, I could be more vague than that.) I clicked on it. One part of me was curious if the pictures would still be posted since I'd deleted them from my computer hard files. They were. And I just have to say maybe two things. 1. I didn't feel any anxiety looking at them. Do you know how huge that is!??!?? 2. He didn't look at all like I remembered. That surprised me. Did I literally see him differently than he really was? I think the short answer of that, both literal and metaphorically is yes. 

Which brings me now to my picture posts! I have actually been really busy the past month or so, between weddings, fun trips, concerts, family, job searching... and I have lots of pictures to show of almost all of those! (No one really wants to see what I look like job searching. No worries, it's undocumented and will not soon be recorded for memory.) I'm kicking things off chronologically, going back to August 25, 2012 and my dear friend Jenelle's wedding to Jeff Strong. 

Jenelle has been one of my best friends since 2004 when we first met. We have commiserated and celebrated together, shared dreams and disappointments... she has strengthened me in my times of weakness and unfailingly been there for me. She has such an awesome outlook on life, really taking it by the horns, having adventures, and making a difference in peoples' lives. For a short time we were both engaged and talked wedding plans. Can I tell you a secret? At one point I was way more excited for her wedding than mine! She has such a great sense of style and was creating a wonderful vision for her wedding. I'm definitely borrowing a page from her book should I ever be in those planning shoes again. So let's see what it was all about! 

Bright and early before the wedding breakfast! That's my excited face.

All great bridesmaids and brides know how to model. Work it!

Here we are at the temple. I love how her colors worked out in the dresses.

Bridesmaid bouquets 

Cute line up

Bouquet posing. I really love this shot. Jenelle had a great photographer!

So nervous giving my toast to the couple... I read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's How Do I Love Thee?

Best friends forever

Cuckoo! 

Woot!! Meridith and I rocked out the photobooth. PS. We need to get together soon, Mer!

On the dance floor! Jeff's side of the party had some crazy dancers... like this guy here. 

Shoes 

The whole wedding party. We even had an extra guy, what what! 

Part of the decorations at the reception included these flower stuffed vintage typewriters. Totally digging that I was able to get a nifty perspective shot of this!

See, the letters are in focus in this one. If I were really awesome I'd do something in post-production to make a word stand out but... these are unedited. 

She had the cutest lights! I really love light effects and this is mostly a picture to remind me what to do in the future. 

Favors table.

Favors in a cute tin bucket.

Another great typewriter, this time with an apple. 

Hand-made sign directing guests in the venue.

And they will live happily ever after.... The Beginning.