Little Big Blessings

I've been back in Utah for over a week now, and I've been very attuned to some little big blessings that have happened. When it came time to leave Missouri, I wasn't all that worried to be heading back here. Of course, I was still with my family! We had an awesome week down at the Rockin' R Ranch (pictures and stories for a different post). But things started getting challenging then. For whatever irrational reason, I was a little afraid to face everyone... afraid of what they would say maybe. I didn't need to be, of course. Only one person mentioned it directly, saying how they thought my ex was awesome.... it did upset my emotions but I know that cousin was just being enthusiastic and supportive in his own way. What I overwhelmingly felt was love and support. Family rocks.

Then it came time for my parents to head back home. Talk about waterworks!! I cried quite a bit just at the thought of being left without my mom. I was just scared. Fear can be extremely powerful... but faith is stronger. I've been trying to keep tapped in to faith instead of letting fears dictate my future. Which brings me to those little big blessings.

One of my greatest fears was being back in the Centerville/Bountiful area - this area so full of memories of him and us. I mean, for the longest time just the sound and sight of a motorcycle woke my anxiety, and that was in Missouri! My testimony in a loving Heavenly Father has been daily reaffirmed by the sweet peace and calm I have felt since "moving" back to Utah. I don't feel anxious when I go past places that hold memories. I visited my storage unit without thinking about why all that stuff was there and feeling that loss; rather, I just felt like I had been away for a while and was coming back. When a picture popped up unexpectedly today, it only brought surprise. I deleted those last few I had missed somehow.... pictures of a guy I only knew for a short time before he changed somehow. 

Forgiveness and the Atonement are amazing gifts. The forgiveness I have felt towards him was definitely a product of the Lord, not myself. Peace came so quickly in the immediate aftermath and has remained with me almost constantly. The Atonement has held my heart together and given me hope and courage to keep pressing on in the face of vast uncertainties.  I love my Lord and am excited to see where He will direct my steps!