Bring the happy

Usually dancing makes me happy, no matter what. Usually. I mean, how hard is it to get an endorphin high when you're doing what you love, wearing great costumes, and sporting awesome makeup?

 Of course, this wasn't my outfit tonight, but I still should have come away with a different feeling than I did. To be fair, it actually had nothing to do with dance. It has to do with friends and feelings. I'm not generally the most demonstrative or compelling person in a crowd. I tend to quietly observe when there are more dominant people-magnet personalities around. Sometimes I wish this weren't the case, but that is who I am. Occasionally, this leaves me feeling like I'm not exactly anyone's desired friend. (Already I know I should just change my attitude, because this line of reasoning isn't exactly accurate. One of my friends tonight was super happy to see me, and I her! She's the best.) so maybe I'm just jealous of people that have multiple close friends. Distance separates me from many of my best friends from college, and I'm slowly working to develop new relationships here in Salt Lake. It takes more time here. 

I don't want to be a whiner... I want to be a helper. If I can't be the most effervescent person, I can at least be the most kind, thoughtful, helpful, and caring person I can be. That attracts people as much as fun does.  It doesn't matter that I got shelved in the back row today when I could easily have resumed my old spot in the middle line...it matters that when the entire cast was standing awkwardly on stage, I started leading the figure that was supposed to happen next. And everyone joined and the awkward ended. Maybe the performance experience tonight made someone else's night amazing. I hope so... These are great groups this year! As for me, well... I'll pick myself up again tomorrow and press on in happy service and not worry about myself and my feelings of tonight. 

Has it only been two years?

Remember when this happened? 

Credit to Gammell Photography. I already bought a real pic, so all's well.

It's hard to believe that two years have already gone by since I finished my Master's program! Figuring out life and career post-school has been an adventure, to be sure, and an interesting one at that. 

I love my job

We help kids. What I do everyday ultimately saves or improves children's lives. I think that is awesome. 

Our organization is filled with compassionate, creative, drive people.  They also focus on teamwork and celebrating great ideas, great individuals, and the small acts that create both of those. 

We get to learn from other great minds in the charity and cause-innovation industry. Pretty excited about this upcoming conference!

A year ago

I was watching my life fall to pieces 

I was saying all the wrong things, knowing I wasn't supposed to beg

I was wondering why crying didn't come faster 

I was wondering how to escape the emotions, willing my mind to far away places

I was at my brother's home, never to return and sleep on my bed in my Bountiful apt

I was calling my mom and telling her its over

I was calling work and claiming illness

I was on an air mattress, lying awake for hours because sleep was harder

I was broken in every possible way

Today, I am happy

I am watching my life continue to unfold in exciting ways

I am closer to my family

I am more humble and willing to accept guidance from my family

I am healthier 

I am closer to my Heavenly Father

I am making new friends

I am living old dreams that still light up my life 

I am stronger and more confident in what I deserve

I am settled in a new home

I am (90%) out of boxes 

I am single and learning again the joys that can bring

I am more loving and forgiving 

Happy anniversary to me and the beginning of the life God had ready for me. It's not been an easy first year, but the blessings have far outweighed the pains. I hope I can continue to live in a way that brings continued blessings, happiness, and perhaps even a desired miracle or two. 

Dance and truth

To know me, truly know me, is to see me dance. I love it. I'm most confident when I'm dancing. I'm happiest when dancing. And all the inside joy radiates outwards, possibly making me the most beautiful when I dance. I joke that it's my full time hobby.... But it is! And I'm hoping to make it more of a hobby..... That's a story for another day, though. Tonight, I'm basking in the after glow of a wonderful evening of dance, and the compliments of several guys on my dancing skills and eyes. :) 

Time has laid his healing hand upon the wound when we can look back upon the pain we once fainted under and no bitterness or despair rises in our hearts. - Jerome K. Jerome

Second fiddle

My dating experience has made me change, lately. I've been in a place where I have played second fiddle in the relationship. It was something I dismissed or explained away in times past. It is something I am acutely aware of now. I hope I can always be kind, loving, and understanding. But I hope my new resolve to not be a second fiddle never wanes. It's interesting how easily some people will put you there, if they can.

I promise fun stories and pictures soon! I've moved into a new place and I can feel that new adventures are on the horizon!