Thoughts on Happiness + Getting personal

This post may get a bit personal. But I don't know that anyone reads my updates too much these days, so I'm just going with it. 


It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life's story will develop.

―Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.

―Gordon B. Hinckley

 In life as in the dance, grace glides on blistered feet.. 

— Alice Abrams

I've been thinking a lot lately about happiness. What it takes to bring true, enduring happiness. For me, I'm beginning to realize that happiness and faith are closely linked... especially on the big things. Obviously, a donut always makes me happy. Dancing makes me happy. But intangibles that bring happiness - successful career, love, friendship, marriage, acceptance, etc. - really require faith that happiness is possible even in their absence. 

No one would ever confuse me for a bubbly, happy optimist. I am generally a happy person, but I've got enough of a serious side and realistic side that I'm just never going to be pegged that way. I'm a person that feels deeply. When I chose to care and invest myself in something, I don't do it halfway. I've known this about myself for some time. It's arguably as much of a weakness as it is a strength. 

So here arises the conundrum. How do you make a gentle transition into committing to someone without over committing? History says that I am no good at this. I've been realizing lately though, that it's a matter of focus and a question of what I'm committing to. I have to commit to things I know and trust. 

I know that I am a catch. 

I know that I've been promised that I will get married. And I know it's coming. That means that I'll have to meet a young man who wants to date and court me first. I know that will happen, too. 

I have an amazing job.

I have been blessed with numerous talents.

I have more friends than I think I do.

I have a fabulous family and extended family. 

And I trust that:

If I commit to the Lord, then I can commit 100% like I always do. And He can take care of the rest. 

And He will. 

Good morning, 2014!

I must say, 2013 was a good year. Honestly, there was some inevitability of that happening... the previous year was probably the worst year of my life. This time last year I was still pushing onward with faith but uncertainty, and probably not tons of happiness. This New Year, I am so blessed and thankful that it's hard to remember those tough memories! 

I have a wonderful job that keeps me busy and pushes me to learn and grow. Every day I get to work with compassionate and creative people. Together, we make a real difference for hospitalized kids across North America. 

I am taking steps towards my goal of getting published - I'm expanding my thesis and broadening it out to address some important topics in more detail. I will be presenting a portion of my new research this February in Washington D.C. 

I'm healthy and strong. I am motivated to work out and stretch my limits again... maybe even get back into ballet shape with the goal of performing on pointe! I am also continuing my dance pursuits with a competitive clogging team - a whole new experience for me to compete in dance!

I live in a cute house with great roommates who are caring and fun. I am looking forward to the adventures we'll have once we all get moved and settled in. 

Also I had a special someone to kiss at midnight. :)  Thanks, Jake, for wonderful New Year's Eve, New  Year's, and birthday! 

We went to see the Secret Life of Walter Mitty recently..... I loved this quote and want to live my life like this: inspired.

To see things thousands of miles away, things hidden behind walls and within rooms, things dangerous to come to, to draw closer, to see and be amazed and to feel, that is the purpose of life.

Day 21: Prayer Quotes

Today was a good day as far as prayers and answers go.... My recent primary request has been in regards to finding the right place to move/live. Through the past several months of seeking to be in the right place for one thing or another (namely, the right state and the right job), I've developed a working theory of... well, I'm not sure what to call it. As I thought about it earlier today, it brought to mind the talk by Pres. Uchtdorf about enduring to the end/waiting patiently, and how that not a passive process, but an active one. It was a talk my mom shared with me at some point in the past two years when I was trying to figure out my life. PS: moms are pretty smart. We should listen to them more often.  Anyways, my working theory is that if I do all I can to push forward, and I'm doing so with faith in the Lord and many prayers, the answers will inevitably come. The right things will work themselves out, and the wrong ones.... well, they have this way of ebbing out of sight. I'm not sure I would have been able to direct my life this way before I realized so profoundly for myself that God is extremely aware of me and will stretch out His hand to intervene if I'm about to do something foolish. I trust He also stretches out those hands to lead us to good things... but my testimony of that intervention came from being saved from something bad. With the job, I thought for sure I needed to get back to Provo and be around friends. None of the jobs I applied for down there worked out. Slowly, the Lord changed my heart towards Salt Lake and one day I realized that I wanted to stay up here. A similar thing has happened as  I've pushed to find where to move next. I was adamant about moving downtown. I began to grant some consideration to Sugarhouse after that, but only the areas north of I80. It wasn't until this past week or so that I felt like I needed to consider areas south of I80. Slowly but surely, my heart was changed and directed. I've found places to go look at, and thanks to the help of friends and family, I have good options to consider now. I know I'm a little stubborn sometimes, but I'm thankful that the Lord works with me in a way that helps me see His guiding hand. 

That became much more than I intended it to be... now on to the rest of the post! I decided to look for quotes about prayer and see what I could discover. I really love reading the words of wise people, and I'm a firm believer in the idea that truth surrounds us, regardless of religious affiliation. That's a subject for another day, though.   :)  Tonight, I present you with a few lovely gems that spoke to my heart and mind about prayer. I know I'm kind of always inviting comments on here, but if you have a good prayer quote to share, feel free to leave a comment with it! 

Mother Teresa

May God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

 Be not forgetful of prayer.  Every time you pray, if your prayer is sincere, there will be new feeling and new meaning in it, which will give you fresh courage, and you will understand that prayer is an education. (Brothers Karamazov) 

Phillips Brooks               

Pray the largest prayers. You cannot think a prayer so large that God, in answering it, will not wish you had made it larger. Pray not for crutches but for wings.

Epicurus                            

It is folly for a man to pray to the gods for that which he has the power to obtain by himself.

Soren Kierkegaard

The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.

Abraham Lincoln

I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.

Gordon B. Hinckley

Let us never forget to pray.  God lives.  He is near.  He is real.  He is not only aware of us but cares for us.  He is our Father.  He is accessible to all who will seek Him.

The desire to feel and know

I feel compelled to write. To fill a page with words that mean something. I feel... something. I feel like life is always darkest before the dawn. I remember a camp out way back when I was in Young Women's. Aside from the fact that I had somewhat slid into the fire pit by the morning, I distinctly remember waking up in time to see the rising sun change the shades of the sky. Ever brighter, ever more beautiful. From the comfort of my slightly singed sleeping bag, the world became bright. 

I feel so much right now. Not sure why. But I feel it. Something. 

I haven't written all that much on my blog this year. Writing is an outlet for me. Sometimes I like to re-read what I've written to see where I was at in the past, where I am now, and what has filled the gaps between those times. I suppose parts of this year have left me disappointed, to say the least. The first half of the year I was basically fighting myself, fighting reality. And then reality delivered its blow, for which I am so thankful! It knocked some sense back into me, which I desperately needed. But so much struggle, plus a wake up call of that magnitude... it changes you. It does break you for a while. And if you don't look carefully, you might go on thinking that you are still broken and not mending. I have spent the second half of the year mending. Growing. Rebuilding. It hasn't been easy most of the time, but there have been sweet moments all throughout it, if only I pause to reflect on them. It has been hard. It has been emotional. 

I realized something this week. I know, it's only Monday... how could I have already realized something?? It happened yesterday. The circumstances weren't exactly pleasant. But in my attempt to cling to hope, faith... anything that would keep me feet properly on the ground, my heart properly in my body, and my head properly attached, my internal voice shouted at me. 

It's always darkest before the dawn. It's always darkest before the dawn. It's always darkest before the dawn.

And I realized in that moment that everything was all right. There is an end. And I think it is actually in sight, too. A fresh start. A new beginning. The dawning of a new day of possibilities for a girl who has also grown and changed through the night. This year has been one that I hope fades rapidly in my memory... at leas the hard parts. The lessons I've learned will stay with me a long time. The new friends I have met, the old friends who so quickly gave their love and support - they too will stay with me for a long time. 

I have grown. I have become stronger. This I also realize last night. I am more prepared to stand on my own feet. To pick up the reins and start directing my life again. To face the fierce future without needing someone by me to hold me up. I still want everyone by me, but I can stand on my own power. Which wasn't true for much of the past while. And there may still be days... Well, you understand. I am strong. I can do it. And I think I am finally really ready to do it, after all this time. 

This went somewhere completely different than I expected when I wrote the title and got started. Oh well. Here's a song that I feel fits the post and maybe that will help it all make sense.