An answer

"And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." 1 Nephi 11:17

Player or Playee?

So, at least once a week I play various games with some people in my ward, namely Rustin and his apartment. It is a great way to spend some time with other people, and the games we play are generally really fun: Bang!, Scum, Pirate's Dice, Guillotine, Hearts, Killer Bunnies, etc. Lately though, I've begun to wonder just what playing games has done to me.

It all started when I saw the Divine Comedy tech rehearsal. They did a skit called, "Things you should take more seriously," and focused on hanging out. Of course they exaggerated things, but essentially they showed that a girl should be coy and wait for the guy to say hi first, and that the girl who said hi to the guys first was invited over for games and became "one of the guys." I think I have gone from being a game-player at these events, to being a playee. I am their dependable go-to gal anytime they want to play games and need people. And I begin to sense that that is all I am good for with them. That's not to say that I don't like playing games or that I don't have fun with everyone..... but I think that at least one in that group could probably care less for me as a friend if I weren't always there to play games. And that's sad, because that's the one person who was my friend before the game tradition started. On the upside, I've made friends with the other occupants of 226 and a few other "regulars" that play. But the hot/cold treatment I get, and the jokes made at my expense, and the comments made towards me and my competitiveness or focus/lack of focus on the game aren't quite so fun after a while.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to complain, just trying to mull some thoughts that have been tumbling around lately. I still love playing games and don't really forsee an end to that. Hopefully I'm all wrong and he really does want ME to come play, not just another body to fill a seat. Guess we'll watch and see.

(This isn't supposed to be negative, and I'm still happy and doing great! Just sometimes you have to stop and look at what you're doing and what is happening around you.)

Snowmobiles and Steak

So today we had a ward activity in Fairview, UT. Up in the mountains there is a great area for.... snowmobiling!! In fact, you have to snowmobile from the parking lot to where our home base was set up. Talk about a great activity. I went up in the afternoon with the later group, and the ten of us got several hours of quality time in the snow. I swallowed my fear (mostly) and tubed down the monstrously huge and bumpy hill. Partway down I hit one of said bumps and got turned backwards. I proceeded down the lower half of the hill, across the level ledge, and down a smaller hill onto the flat plain going backwards. Thankfully, there were no impeding trees. And I must say, going speedily down a hill where you can't see where you're going is somewhat exciting, especially when you reach the bottom and haven't flipped off yet. My back is still troublesome from my New Year's sledding adventure, so I didn't go down the hill anymore.

But snowmobiling-- wow! I could definitlely come to appreciate that sport. First, something about me just loves being able to put my arms around a guy's waist as he speeds off on a powerful machine into nature. Yes, I have a soft spot for motorcycles, jet skis, and now snowmobiles. It doesn't matter that the two guys I rode with during the day were 1) married or 2) 18 years old. They sure knew how to drive! Taking turns is way cool because you lean way over to the side you want to turn to, and as a passenger this means that sometimes you're catching snow in your lap from your knees digging into the snow. You stay on (as a passenger) by maintaining a strong connection to your driver and the snowmobile.... aka you cling on to one with your arms and cling to the other with your legs, like riding a horse. The coolest thing is when you're cutting a super tight circle and you think you are just dragging on your side in the snow and can't hang on... if you just hold out a second or two more, you pull up out of the circle and the momentum pops you right straight on the seat again!

One of my favorite moments today was during my last ride. I told Carter, the bishop's son, to not be too crazy, but once we got going I got whooping and hollering and he took that as a good sign to be a bit more crazy. We took some great jumps, getting a nice bit of air as we ramped off small rises, but the best one came at the bottom of the sledding hill, near base camp. Someone had built up a large ramp, which gave the sledders quite a pop as they came down. We came down the hill on the snowmobile and headed towards the jump. We were going a decent pace, and I could sense that we were going to take that jump for it's worth... sure enough we accelerated quickly and ramped off! The machine was about 2 feet off the ground vertically (witnesses say) and we obviously traveled forward too before making our gentle landing. It was AWESOME!!! If I end up living for many years in a snowy place, I'm going to get a truck, trailer, and a snowmobile. That is how snow is meant to be used.

Speaking of snow, walking up in the tops of the mountains we soon discovered that not all snow is created equal. It was all very soft and powdery and authentic, but boy was it deep! If you didn't follow a somewhat packed down trail, you'd find yourself wading in snow up to your knees! And that's not to say you had hit ground, that was just how deep it was until you hit enough of a pack to support your weight. That is what snow should be and how it should be appreciated. If I'm going to have to walk through snow somewhere, give me a couple feet and make it fun!

So after I went snowmobiling, I did something I almost NEVER do....... well, but I can't get ahead of myself. Cami and I were both in the second group, and we decided we ought to do something with the evening hours ahead. After refreshingly warm showers (at least, mine was) we decided to go out to dinner. We chose TGIFriday's, and fortunately it wasn't very busy when we got there. Glancing through the menu, I was naturally drawn to the chicken options. Even better, those were right by the pasta options! Can life get any better? However, the scintilating scent of barbeque was in the air and I ordered.... a steak. Let me reprhase that: I ordered a STEAK!! I could probably tell you the last time I had steak at a restaurant... it was Outback Steakhouse on a date with John Fullmer and I think I was a sophomore. I'm not a huge red meat eater.... or meat eater in general, so this was WAY out of character for me. Talk about fabulous though! It came, and it was exactly what I was craving! It was perfectly cooked, with nary a pink spot, and tenderly sloshed in a rich, tangy barbeque sauce. I may need to rethink my typical menu choices after this experience. All in all, this day was a great one for trying new things. See that? No, that right there. Yup, that's my horizon being broadened. Pretty cool, huh? Throw me a Saturday like this anytime. Wahoo!

10 Things That Bug Me

I've been tagged! I don't have a lot of blog followers that I know of, though, so I'm not going to tag anyone... yet. So, in no particular order of importance, here goes.

1. People that don't plan ahead. I am not the most punctual person all the time, but if something is starting at a certain time, I hate being put off that by someone else not planning ahead enough to make it on time.

2. Jerky drivers. Literally. It really bugs me if I'm a passenger and the driver is distracted and jerking to stay in the lines or not hit cars in front of me. Bless the boy who ends up with me, because I am pretty particular on how I should be driven around. On the upside, though, I love people who are totally in control of the car. I guess I just like knowing that I'm not going to die or be potentially injured driving with someone.

3. Open cupboard doors, etc. I am no neat freak, but if there is a door on it, it should probably be closed. I have a distinct tendency to close cupboard doors in the kitchen if they aren't being actively used. Same goes for microwaves, dishwashers, closets....

4. Loud noises. This one runs the gamut from gunshots to loud music, but mostly I mean the loud music, loud talking, slamming of doors, etc. My ears are a little sensitive to loud things, which means I usually react when a door slams, a balloon pops, etc. Quiet means peace. I also have a hard time with loud music if there is another person around that I may be talking to. I have a hard time listening to them if the music is above a certain level, just because the loudness is abrasive to my ears.

5. Slow people.... you have legs for a reason!! I believe in walking with a purpose, and I know just how long it takes me to get from point A to point B with my pace. Throw in a couple of meandering slow pokes though.... argh. Same goes for people walking across a crosswalk slow enough to let a snail beat them. Get some energy folks!

6. Dumb questions about things people should know. That sounds mean, but fortunately I rarely think questions are dumb. Just sometimes I get a little more short, and it really irks me if someone should know the answer to the question they are asking. Repetitive questions also annoy me after awhile.

7. I don't like to be left behind if I'm running with a group. I usually will try to pace myself just ahead of the last person, even if only by a half step. It's weird, but I don't like being the tail. Which is rather ironic, since I'm usually the slowest person running anyways.

8. Arguments bother me. I prefer to just air things out in a mature conversation. Confrontation generally makes me very upset and not much good ever comes of being angry.

9. Dirty dishes, especially dirty countertops. I was raised with the understanding that cleaning the dishes means wiping off the countertops too. I don't like to feel/see grittiness on the countertops, and I don't consider the kitchen clean until the surfaces are clean too. On the same hand, I can't stand walking on grit either.

10. The biggest thing that bugs me lately is my physical limitations. Between performing dance, watching dance, and dealing with various injuries, I have come to realize even more vividly just how much I can't do. I can see in my mind what a move should look like, but making my body do it.... well the old gray goose she ain't what she used to be. I know some if it is just getting in shape, practicing, stretching, etc, but with my back currently and my knee sometimes troublesome, it sure makes you stop and appreciate what you could do and what you can still do.

This one's for you, mom

All that I am, my mother made me.

John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)

Another great quote

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I dreamed a dream in days gone by...

Once up on a time, a little girl saw ballerinas twirling on stage in a performance of "The Nutcracker." That girl left the show and told her mom, that's what I want to do. I'm going to be a ballerina. And so for the next 6 years, the little girl practiced and learned, and began to be a ballerina. She knew she wasn't the best, but she loved to dance and knew that deep inside of her was a beautiful dancer just waiting to emerge.

Then one day, the little girl, who wasn't quite so little anymore, moved away to a new city. Gone was her studio with her talented ballet teacher. Gone was the chance to perform on pointe for the first time ever... moves never come at good times. The little girl, who was not so little, found new kinds of dance to work on. She joined the dance team and brought some sparkle to the football field and basketball court. Then one day, her knee went one way while she went the other, and her dancing came to an abrupt halt. Her walking wasn't that great either, actually. For the next 7 or so months she was Hop-along Cassidy, even though she did start dancing with her team again. As she went away to college, she sighed and let a tear slide, thinking that her dancing days had come to a close.

Fortunately for the little girl, who was not so little, she was going to college in a place that had lots of dancing of all different kinds! Her very first college class ever ever was a modern dance class. And before the first week of class was over, she was on a folk dance team, whatever that was. The next three years of her life were filled with dances from around the world-- Hungary, India, Germany, Ireland, China, America, Mexico, Phillipines, Russia, Syria, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Java, Romania, Slovakia, Korea, Argentina, Greece, Macedonia, Israel, Puerto Rico, Japan, Lithuania, Italy, Scotland, Canada, Sweden, Croatia, Turkey, Poland, Spain, Afghanistan ......... sometimes she couldn't keep track of all the places she knew dances from. She loved to do all these different dances, but she never entirely left behind the ballerina. She took ballet classes too, never feeling quite so at home as the day the teacher used the same music she practiced to in her studio in Pennsylvania.

The little girl decided that dance was truly for her, maybe even as more than a hobby. She worked hard and auditioned to get a Master's degree in ballet. It didn't work out so well, with 5 years of rust making her muscles less flexible than when she was a teenager. But she knew that she had more fun auditioning than anyone else did, and that was enough to make her happy. She found footwork groups to participate in, and was thrilled by the exciting prospect of touring internationally with them. Then the little girl went to see the ballet-- the Royal Ballet School of London. They were so beautiful she wanted to cry as she watched them. Once again she felt the ballerina deep inside her dancing with the real dancers on stage. She realized that her ballerina deep inside would never be able to dance with her for real, for her body was too restrictive and old to change into what it needed to be. With a smile, she thought excitedly of when her inner ballerina wouldn't be tied down with a physical body riddled with aches, pains, injuries, and limitations.

She closed her eyes, a smile on her face. On the stage of her imagination, her beautiful ballerina performed exquisitely, perfection flowing through each movement. One day we'll dance together, she whispers to herself, slowly drifting into dreams of tutus, roses, and grande jetes.

Bollywood Booty

So I finally broke out my Bollywood Booty workout video. Between hurting my back and ... being sore or tired... I just haven't done much working out. Being a dancer I don't usually feel awkward moving my body, but I had the hardest time doing some of those moves! It's a good thing I was doing it alone in my room. But hey, you gotta do something to fight the JOOOEEEE BOOOXXEEERRR effect. If you want a good laugh, give me a call and we can do the Bollywood Booty together. Paint the world, paint yourself, feel all the love...

What happened?

I have no idea what happened in the past month or so, but my social life has suddenly reappeared. When it rains it pours, right? I watched "Groundhog Day" with my FHE sisters and some other ward friends tonight to commemorate this capacious holiday. Tomorrow I am hoping to catch one of our ward intramural teams play soccer, Wednesday I'm choreographing with Ananda, Thursday I'm going to see the Royal Ballet from the London school, Friday I am going to see the BYU Young Ambassador's show, Saturday I have rehearsal and believe there is a movie group in the evening, and I am already booked for next Friday with unspecified plans. I have no idea what I did, but I hope it keeps happening! Also intersperse in there the frequent game nights with Rustin, Adam, usually one of the Scotts, and whoever else we can round up, and I've acquired a rather busy social schedule. I need to get back into my busy mindset like I had when I was in school so I can accomplish all my other stuff and still play hard.

I've lost my train of thought at least twice now. I meant to go to bed over an hour ago. All that partying... I just wanted to document how starkly contrasted my life has become versus a month ago. It is a welcome change, for which I am deeply grateful. This is the life, and I'm so happy to be living.