Thursday, May 28, 2009

America's Next Top Model

Well, I'm definitely not a model, but I have some "headshots" of my new hair-do! I got it cut about 2 weeks ago, and it's also a lot lighter too, with some fantastic highlights. And it's so versatile!! I love my hair, and now you can love it too.







This is the trick behind my self-portraiture-- my bathroom mirror. Decent lighting, decent background, and a great way to make sure I get a decent shot!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Mixed Up

I want to run outside and cry. I want to dance and eat ice cream. I want to climb a mountain and sleep in. I want to be loved. That's what it is, really. I am somewhere between wistful that another guy I could have liked really isn't interested, but at the same time so at peace because I know that even if it's not him, there's someone out there, who I'll soon meet. "Soon" having an ambiguous meaning of course, but .... well yeah. What inspired this split reverie? I got the rappelling pictures! And that is exciting for sure.


Ready? Watch me get more and more nervous...


Doing okay...


I'm not scared of that blackness beneath me....


Can't put off the inevitable


WAHOO!! Coolest thing ever

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Home Alone

I've decided that people aren't meant to live alone. Last summer I lived mostly alone, with the occasional squatter staying for a few weeks before getting married. Yeah, that was lovely living with a girl AND her fiance. Ok, it really wasn't all that bad, but.... you get the picture. This summer I am living with a roommate (hooray!) who is very fun and awesome to hang with... when we are home at the same time. I am missing her again. Stacia often goes home to St. George area for the weekends, and honestly who wouldn't want to leave Provo for a long weekend like Memorial Day weekend? I was planning to, but the best laid plans of mice and men... suffice it so say I find myself rather boring company. (Hm, is that a clue as to why I rarely date? Nah... I'm awesome.) It's just when you have all day long to spend to yourself, well, its easy to convince yourself to stay in bed or be a bum all day. For the record, I pulled some clothes to go to DI and packed up some of my winter stuff, in an attempt to clean/organize my bedroom. You really can't tell that there's a difference-- at least not a positive difference-- but I know it's been done, and that makes me happy. And I did eventually shower, put on a little makeup, and fix my hair.

It was so weird to go outside today and go to the store. It was like I'd spent all day inside my apartment, to the extent that an outside world seemed strange to me. Trippy, huh? And then, despite being hungry and anxious to eat the pizza I got, I didn't want to go back inside after I got home. Sorta like I didn't want to go home when I got off work early yesterday. It's just empty.

Now, I don't want to seem like I'm complaining. I do enjoy having time to myself, and squandering time is a rare luxury, although even I know that squandering time really isn't good at all. I should have gotten my shoes for dance (Europe is 5 weeks away!!) and cleaned my bathroom and practiced my dances.... but that's okay. I did laundry. That definitely needed to be done. You know when you have your cute underwear and you wear those first and as you go through they get progressively older and less cute? Yah, I was way past anything cute and just at functional. I'm excited for tomorrow. Cute underwear just gives you confidence.

Speaking of confidence, I read something in my journal last night that really made me stop my mental madness and murmuring. A few weeks back (April? March?) I hit a rough patch and was severely disheartened at my lack of social life and lack of dating life. On a Sunday, I had a beautiful, spiritual day, and I wrote that day in my journal saying that I felt like it was the beginning of the end. Meaning, that maybe something wasn't going to happen immediately, but that perhaps finally I'm past the midpoint in this wait/journey. I feel content today, remembering those words and the emotions I felt then. I also have incredible people in my life that help me out and help me see the big picture.

Like today. Today I spent bored with myself, doing minimal work, alone. And yet, in a few days I will be very busy again with work, friends, activities, and this day of loafing will be long forgotten. It's a matter of perspective. A) It's okay to have a day where you're a bum, as long as it's not a consistent lifestyle. B) A day is so short, a moment so fleeting, when compared to the bigger picture. So maybe I really did do something useful today, beyond the menial tasks aforementioned. I think I stepped back and saw the blinders of the moment, and was able to take them off, just a little bit.

I still don't like being home alone. Remind me that I don't like it if I ever say I want to just live by myself. But once you get through the quotidian routine, it's nice to pause and reflect in the silence. We make more sense when we can actually hear ourselves think.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Walking down cliffs

I am afraid of heights. Sometimes if I'm on a higher floor and there's not much of a barrier at the edge I'll get a funny feeling, something between fear and fascination of falling. Mostly fear. I don't even like the high dive. I have jumped off some cliffs before, but they were pretty tame and I have no desire to continue doing that. So, I was rather surprised when I got talked into going rappelling. At night. Down an 80 foot cliff.

Did I mention I've never gone rappelling before?

What on earth convinced me to do such a risky, scary, exciting task? A boy. A boy named Logan, to be specific. Chad, you would like him. He likes mountain biking. We left at who knows when... sometime between 10 and 11 pm. Logan has made the hike to the rappelling site several times, although mostly during the day. We went up Rock Canyon Park and hiked back to the area. It's a pretty nice path up to the trail-head, which was good since we were mostly using moonlight, starlight, and Provo-light. Then we started climbing the mountain. For the most part it was your average mountain trail hike, although towards the end we had to actually climb up rocks/boulders. I'm glad I'm a dancer! By this time we had a flashlight out and Logan would go ahead, I'd watch his path, then he'd pause and shine the light for me to follow. There were a couple times that it was sheer leg power pulling me up. I'm sure I didn't look very graceful but... that's okay. Sometimes it's endearing to be a little awkward.

Well we finally got to the almost top, stopped on the level area, and geared up into our harnesses and helmets. Yes mom, we wore helmets just in case we hit the rocks or something. And yes, I asked if he's an Eagle Scout because he's so well-prepared: he is. So we're all geared up and hike a few more feet to the top and over to the edge. I was getting pretty nervous, just because I don't like heights all that much. I had to come down one particular boulder and I was basically going down blind. Logan was below me kinda guiding my foot coming down, but I had such a huge stretch going from the top ledge where my right foot was, to my left foot searching eagerly for solid ground. Again, grateful to be a dancer.

At this point Logan hooked us into the wall with the daisy chains. Basically, those are about 2-3 foot long lines that keep you from plunging to a premature death if you slip, etc, while prepping the rappelling lines. I was keeping a very tight grip on my daisy chain, loving the solid rock behind and beneath me. While Logan was getting the ropes out and fed through, he did something really cute. He gave me the camera to distract myself. I honestly felt like a little kid who needed to be entertained or distracted so the adult could accomplish something useful. Not that I was bothering him, but I think he knew it would help me to not focus on the black gulf we were going into. I took one HORRIBLE picture of myself, and unfortunately didn't know how to delete on his camera. I was trying to capture my fear/excitement, but mostly it looks like I'm gnashing my teeth in a hideous way. I need to make sure he deletes that.

Well, you can only prep lines for so long, and so it soon came time for me to head down. Logan demonstrated again how I needed to hold the lines so I didn't plunge to a grisly death, then it was photo-op time! He got some shots of me, then one or two of us on the edge. Then he spoke those words: "lean backwards." I was in position on the rock, my hands were ready, and I found it remarkably easy to simply lean back. Another picture, showcasing my bravery despite the black abyss, and then it was time to let the rope move. I loosened my death grip on the rope and began to lower. Slowly. I'm sure once I have more practice I'll go faster, but I took my sweet time going down the first 5o feet.

After the first 50 there is a ledge, where you unhook and use a different mount to descend the final thirty. I off-belayed, Logan came down, and he pulled down the rope and got it hooked into the new bolts. I went down first again, but this second section wasn't as awesome as the first one. The first section was just an easy, straight down walk. The second section had boulders, placed unevenly, so every now and then I'd lose my footing and have nothing to brace myself on, sending me swinging into the walls. I had a few hits, but nothing too hard. There was one instance, though, where I went to put out my right hand to help me.... meaning I let go of the important half of the rope. I immediately felt the slack and realized what I had done. I clutched the top rope with my left hand, holding myself while my right hand found and grabbed the low rope. Talk about getting your heart rate up! I made it the rest of the way down pretty well.

It was such a beautiful night! I love the mountains, and being out in nature. I wish we could have ended it with camping, although for a myriad of reasons that was more than a little impractical. The stars were gorgeous; when I was came down the first section I paused and leaned way back so I could gaze up and look for constellations. I wasn't quite oriented the right way, but it was incredible anyways. We finished hiking off the mountain and back to the main path. I must say, my knee does not like going downhill. I was really glad I'd put my brace on, because the downward motion was really bothering it. We drove out of the gloriousness of the night, returning to Mountainwood around 1 am. After dropping off the gear at Logan's apartment, he came over to mine for some of my ice cream dessert that I'd made for work. He enjoyed it, we talked some more (since we'd been talking all night) and then it was the witching hour. Oh, but before that, he took his dish to the sink and started rinsing it off, then went to mine as well! I hardly knew what to say, besides "you don't have to do that" and "thanks" when he kept doing it. So, the witching hour.

Now, I don't know if what we did was an official date. He did do most of the initiating in the process, and it was just the two of us. We get along quite well so far, have fun things to talk about, and I think it's safe to say we both had a fabulous time. So comes the doorstep scene. From inside the house. He put his shoes on, saying how much fun he had and what a good time it was and thanks and all that. I returned the sentiments as he finished and stood up. Then, I saw his brain think for a split second. It was the moment where you either open the door and leave, stick your hand out for a handshake, or go in for a hug. I saw him think, then he came in for the hug. What a great hug!!! Ok, maybe I just need to be hugged more. But it was very nice, either way. I hope we have a real/official date one of these days! I hope that me being myself was not a deterrent. And if nothing more comes of it.... then I totally did something I never even thought about before. Hooray for conquering fears and trying new adventures.

And hooray for cute boys with great powers of persuasion.
(I'll try and post pics once I get them from Logan).

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

Teacher-- the reason I'm so incredible is COMPLETELY because of my mom. She taught me everything I know.
Enthusiast-- my mom has always been there for me, encouraging me in everything I do.
Rock-- whenever I need someone to talk to, my mom is always there for me.
Inspiration-- one day I hope I can look in that magic mirror and say "I am my mother after all."

I love you, mom!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

5 Things....

5 Things I Was Doing 5 Years Ago...
1. Learning how to slalom ski at Lake Powell
2. Slaving away at hot, humid greenhouse for hours a day
3. Graduating from high school; starting college
4. Being introduced to the wonderful world of folk dance
5. Dating my first RM

5 Things On My To-Do list...
1. Get in shape for my dance tour to Europe in 7 weeks
2. Buy shoes, wiggie, other accessories for said dance tour
3. Clean my closet and donate some of the clothes from 5 years ago ... or more...
4. Read for my LDS Temples class
5. Buy more food. I like food.

5 Places I've Lived...
1. Monongahela, Pennsylvania
2. Provo, Utah
3. Carthage, Missouri
4. Louisiana, Missouri
5. Limerick, Ireland (for 3 weeks)

5 Things I Want To Be Doing In 5 Years...
1. Be graduated with my Master's
2. Be married to an awesome guy
3. Still be performing or teaching dance
4. Have visited a tropical location and/or gone on a cruise
5. Making delicious food with produce from my garden



Friday, May 1, 2009

Kiss these tu (two) lips



We were supposed to do a tap show at the Thanksgiving Pointe Tulip Festival tonight. Unfortunately, the rain and the concrete stage proved very deterring, and we canceled the show. I was actually super excited to perform, and I really wanted to see the tulips. Traffic was slow and crazy all the way up from Provo, so we didn't find out about the cancellation until we'd finally turned off into Thanksgiving Pointe. I drove down to the gardens and we sneaked some peeks of a few tulips ... from my car. From what I saw it looks absolutely beautiful! We may reschedule for next week, so that would be fantastic. Our rehearsal last night was great, even though I had practically no energy to exert, and several times I wondered what it would be like to be a professional dancer. I feel justified in saying I'm a semi-professional dancer ... mostly meaning that I don't get paid to dance but sometimes people pay to see me. Haha. And really, I'm not in tip-top enough shape to legitimately try to be a professional. Besides, it's not a very lucrative profession. I may not be making millions right now, but I'm doing better than a lot of professional dancers, I'm sure. Well, I have the whole Friday night to myself. I should probably make dance notes for "El Cumbanchero" so I can practice the dance. Erm. Learn the dance. And before that I'm going to take my heavily hair-sprayed hair and stage make-uped face into the kitchen for some dinner. I'm hungry!
Don't limit yourself and don't let others convince you that you are limited in what you can do. Believe in yourself and then so as to reach your possibilities. You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith. ~ President Thomas S. Monson