Oh Brother...

In case I haven't mentioned it before, I have seven brothers.  Yup. 7. Brothers. Boys, every one of them. And as the only girl, I think some may wonder how I escaped that experience being so... feminine. I imagine my mom had a big hand in that, especially since she got me involved in dance. THANKS MOM!!! In so many ways, though, I'm very not girly. I was reminded of that today when I stopped by the store to get some prep items for the big bridesmaid day tomorrow.

1. Biotin - to help my hair grow faster and better.
2. Veet - to remove unwanted leg hair. Yes, this is the first time in my 26 yrs of life that I have ever used something besides a razor to manage my legs!
3. Nail polish - ok, so I've bought this before, but I rarely wear it. It's the maintenance... takes too much time. But for pictures tomorrow, I am determined to put my best, most nicely-polished foot forward. 
4. Body spray - again, another item I've bought in the past but have managed to live without all summer long, since my standard ones are packed in some box in my storage unit. See what I mean about not being super girly in some ways??
5. Did I mention that it has also taken until this summer for me to really wear lipstick rather consistently? Stage makeup is one thing, but everyday lipstick is something I've ignored until lately. Thanks mom for having an awesome color for me to "borrow" and get hooked!

I thought I could share some pictures for comparison - you know, regular me and girly me. Um, I'll let you pick which is which!!

Dreams

In my task of rebuilding myself, I find that I am in need of some dreams. Or, perhaps I have the dreams but have not articulated them very well. So here is my list of dreams, in no particular order. (Except perhaps my first dream.)

I dream of...

1. Being a wife and mother

2. Getting a piece of writing published 

3. Swimming with dolphins

4. Learning how to write in calligraphy

5. Traveling to a tropical location... maybe Costa Rica?

6. Visiting my brother's family in London

7. Owning my own home, which will have a beautiful, bright kitchen and a big library

8. Becoming a skilled amateur photographer

9. Learning how to create visual art (sketch, paint)

10. Performing as often as possible with dance groups

What do you dream of doing and becoming? How did you figure out what your dreams are?

Fonts

Sincerely: 

    Who doesn't enjoy some sweet retro action on the typewriter?

Sincerely:

   Anyone want to go to the Pottery Barn? This font is named for them. 

SINCERELY: 

ONLY DOWNSIDE TO THIS FONT IS YOU HAVE TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS AND APPARENTLY THERE IS NO PUNCTUATION? nnNO PERIOD, I GUESS* THAT'S STRANGE!

Sincerely:

This one is pretty nifty! It reminds me of vines and autumn. Maybe autumn because of curling pumpkin vines? 

Sincerely:

This one I really like. How fun is it to write in cursive while typing? It's clean too. 

Sincerely:

They called this one Jane Austen. I think it could count as any script circa the 1800s. John Hancock? Joseph Smith? Yes, I'm feeling it!

Rainy Monday

Okay, so I don't know if today is actually very rainy, but if sure feels like it is. I'm not sure what triggered it... maybe it started in Relief Society yesterday when I tried to make a comment in class and got attacked by the teacher for it. That was pleasant. Maybe it was when we drove past a neighborhood I don't want to be near still. Maybe it was the acknowledgement that I'm going to be one of those who gets married "later in life," in contrast to the "young marrieds" so prevalent in LDS culture. Maybe I just get sad sometimes, even on the best of days. I'd like to think that that's okay every now and then. It does get a bit more challenging when I add on a Monday like this though. 

Job searching is the bane of my existence right now. I've applied for probably 20-30 jobs in the past few weeks, and have heard approximately nothing from them. One in particular was exciting for me... an editor position near Provo. I was able to make some connections and start networking. The reply I got from one individual today felt like that Relief Society attack yesterday. I truly just wanted to network, of course with the hope that that would be advantageous in my job hopes. After "not implying" that my goal was to get a backdoor interview for a job, the person then got on my case for trying to talk to people while I had a job application in. Person again implied that I was just trying to get the inside track for this job I applied for. What do you say to that? Feeling attacked, I responded saying that I was looking into the industry with many contacts and did not want to create a conflict of interest. 

Is it really too much to ask that I obtain gainful employment? I have a Masters degree. I feel like that counts for nothing positive on my behalf. The one job that's seeking me out is answering phones for customer service..... I did that before I had bachelor's degree! I'm just really at a loss as to what to do, and my confidence is not where it needs to be to do more job stuff today. 

In case this read wasn't what you hoped to read, stay tuned for me sharing my recent missionary experience!! Now that is something to smile about. 

Taglines

For those who may not know, I'm am currently awaiting a phone call to invite me to interview as an editor at a Utah publishing house!! (Maybe I should have written that previous sentence better, then?) Anyways, I'm super stoked about just applying to that job and am really working to make connections in the industry and sell myself as best I can. Which brings me to my little brag moment. I don't think I brag on myself very much... in fact, I imagine the opposite could generally be said of me. Lately I have had a rather difficult time claiming my personal victories and seeing them as the wonderful things they are. So this is also a practice in appropriate self-esteem.  ... Okay, I'll stop editorializing.

:)

What I am so excited to present to you is my personal tagline! A new friend of mine helped me find some company connections at this publishing house and I'm prepping to do some informational interviews with them. He recommended preparing an elevator pitch, so I am dutifully completing my homework today and working on that. Boy, it is tough work!! After Google-ing how to create an elevator pitch (thank you, Harvard!), I then had to Google how to create a personal tag line. I managed to come up with two, but here is the one that just seems so golden to me. Please tell me what you think about it, or if you have a suggestion for an even more awesome tagline for me! Here it is: 

I am Erica Burgin and I choreograph words and create solutions. 

This picture doesn't have much to do with the tagline, but it's recent and it shows my awesome target skills!

Little Big Blessings

I've been back in Utah for over a week now, and I've been very attuned to some little big blessings that have happened. When it came time to leave Missouri, I wasn't all that worried to be heading back here. Of course, I was still with my family! We had an awesome week down at the Rockin' R Ranch (pictures and stories for a different post). But things started getting challenging then. For whatever irrational reason, I was a little afraid to face everyone... afraid of what they would say maybe. I didn't need to be, of course. Only one person mentioned it directly, saying how they thought my ex was awesome.... it did upset my emotions but I know that cousin was just being enthusiastic and supportive in his own way. What I overwhelmingly felt was love and support. Family rocks.

Then it came time for my parents to head back home. Talk about waterworks!! I cried quite a bit just at the thought of being left without my mom. I was just scared. Fear can be extremely powerful... but faith is stronger. I've been trying to keep tapped in to faith instead of letting fears dictate my future. Which brings me to those little big blessings.

One of my greatest fears was being back in the Centerville/Bountiful area - this area so full of memories of him and us. I mean, for the longest time just the sound and sight of a motorcycle woke my anxiety, and that was in Missouri! My testimony in a loving Heavenly Father has been daily reaffirmed by the sweet peace and calm I have felt since "moving" back to Utah. I don't feel anxious when I go past places that hold memories. I visited my storage unit without thinking about why all that stuff was there and feeling that loss; rather, I just felt like I had been away for a while and was coming back. When a picture popped up unexpectedly today, it only brought surprise. I deleted those last few I had missed somehow.... pictures of a guy I only knew for a short time before he changed somehow. 

Forgiveness and the Atonement are amazing gifts. The forgiveness I have felt towards him was definitely a product of the Lord, not myself. Peace came so quickly in the immediate aftermath and has remained with me almost constantly. The Atonement has held my heart together and given me hope and courage to keep pressing on in the face of vast uncertainties.  I love my Lord and am excited to see where He will direct my steps!

A Produce-tive Summer

So while the parents were off galavanting in London, I was working hard at home to keep the garden going! We had a rash of cucumbers come on and one Saturday night I felt possessed to make pickles. Thankfully, I had enough sense to make the easy freezer pickles, not the more elaborate heat-canned variety. 

The vicitms. 

 Let it be known that I tasted each one of these cucumbers in an attempt to weed out the bitter ones.  Ever had a bitter cucumber? It is not pleasant at all. Most of them were good, but there sure were a lot of cukes!!

The green peppers, awaiting the guillotine (and freezer as well). 

Fresh raspberries, blueberries, and the first tomato of the season! I miss those raspberries. 

The whole spread, all across the counter. 

My sliced cucumbers and onions soaking in salt. It does something  to help make them pickles.. draining excess liquid out perhaps?

Talk about thinly sliced!! For a total of about 4 pounds... yeah it took a while to cut those up. 

Vinegar, sugar, celery seed, turmeric, and something else tasty.

All nicely packed in their containers, about 3-4 hours after getting started. That salt bath for the cukes takes a long time! 

YUMMY!! I'm totally craving some right now. 

 Looking out over our backyard with our nifty big tractor. I'm told it really is more than a stationary decoration, but I've never seen it work while I've been visiting. And now, for some garden shots!

Cantaloupe! I think this is the tasty one we took on our trip to Utah. Yummers!

Another one hiding in the vines.

Gorgeous green pepper on the stalk!

Tomatoes from the vine

Another shot of our tractor with the orchard in the background.

Looking out on the back field from the pool

The pool and the homestead

Setting sun

Little trees