Sunday thought

I'm so thankful for my patriarchal blessing. I'm thankful that I've been able to come closer The Lord since the start of the new year. I feel like I've gained additional trust in The Lord and his plan for me. It's one thing to be promised something and bother thing to trust those words. I feel like my trust has grown. I believe it. I've seen some aspects come true already. The rest will come. Marriage to a righteous young man. Children. A strong and happy family focused on The Lord. Continued opportunities to serve, learn, and grow. I know it will come to pass. And I know it in a way that I don't think I believed in beforehand. I'm thankful today for this realization, this growth in my testimony, and for the lords continued hand in my life. 

Science has spoken

TIME has decided to help a girl out and clear the air about marriage. Specifically, how far off the mark I am in being 28 and single. 

GOOD NEWS!

I have 10 months and 11 days before I fall on the wrong side of the median!

For what it's worth, the site does a nice job explaining it's methodology and how it calculates the data. It's not exactly a comprehensive survey or comparison, but seems fairly reliable. 

Mostly, I'm just glad to see my suggested "expiration date" is in the future. With girls I once babysat now having babies (!!!), I figured I would be far past my prime marriage time. 

Thanks, science. Happy Valentine's Day!

Isaiah chapters

I've been in the Isaiah chapters for my scripture study, which is instructive, but by always the spiritual direction I've needed of late. It's not always easy to liken scriptures about the end times and destruction to having faith, hope, and enduring to the end. Today is a gem, though. 2 Nephi 22. Read it, especially verse 2. Words like trust, strength, salvation. It's a joyous reminder of the gifts and majesty of The Lord; just the right way to start the day!

The mighty 400

This is my 400th post! I was going to put a cool picture on here to celebrate that, but most of them were of motorcycles and schmancy cars. And I'm a little bit off-put by motorcycles still, thanks to the X, and fancy cars remind me of someone I'm currently working to forget. So.... no pictures on this one. 

I did want to say a little something about how thankful I am for faith and hope. It still isn't easy, and hasn't been easy, to feel the familiar sting of a mis-timed or mis-matched relationship. It's because it's familiar that makes it hurt more. Re-opening the old wound, scratching at the scar... well, you get the image. I've been striving very much to move forward, and to do so with faith and hope. The gray days of February make it hard sometimes. I'll openly admit that I get a little SAD (seasonal affective disorder) during the winter. And when sad things happen during the cold, drab, dreary winter months, the challenges honestly do seem to be amplified. I was extremely thankful to see the sun pop out from behind the clouds today as I drove in to work. My mood immediately lifted. 

Faith. Hope. Faith that the Lord has a plan for my life. Faith that it is a better plan than mine. Hope that He's working things out for my good right now, not just making me wait for the sake of waiting. Hope that it's true - when the right one comes, it will be easy and natural and it won't have hiccups and it won't get derailed. Faith has to come first. Then hope. I think what it comes down to is I always have faith in these things. I know the Lord directs my paths. But hope: that is when I feel happy and positive about this knowledge. Faith seems to be the last shred of reason and sensibility that I cling to when I'm at my lowest and saddest. Hope seems to be the positivity and forward-looking that peeks through the darkness and motivates me to push through. 

One of the girls I visit teach recently got engaged. She's beautiful, smart, talented, down to earth... and she'll be 30 this year. I felt a little selfish as we visited yesterday, because it's my stewardship to aid her, not the other way around. However, as I asked about her engagement and the fun details of her life right now, I found myself asking and hearing from her the story of faith and trust that brought her to this young man. It wasn't anything spectacular or even very different. She wasn't trying to do one thing or another to secure a man, but was simply living her life and pursuing her dreams. One thing she said stood out to me above the rest.

He wasn't the kind of guy she expected or thought she'd end up with. But, he is everything that she needs. In ways that she didn't even realize at first. 

I know it's coming. Something's coming, something good, if I can wait..... I am continually buoyed up by my family. My friends. My deepening relationship with Heavenly Father. My interactions with the scriptures and talks. I'm thankful I have hard times to wear off some of my rough edges. 

Growing pains

January has brought along some interesting experiences and tons of opportunity for personal growth! I could probably count on one (maybe two) hands the number of days I haven't cried, but a lot of that has been from spiritual influences and feeling the Lord so close to me. I've definitely grown much closer to Him these past few weeks. 

At first it was a matter of survival - ain't no way I was going to "endure" the circumstances without some divine help! Well, I say that, but I just knew that I needed the comfort and peace that comes with seeking the Lord. Emotions are gnarly and tricksy and all sorts of trouble, sometimes. Peace calms the negative feelings and allows the positive feelings to shine through, no matter how weak they are. That's why the gospel makes us happy.... it let's the Lord shine His light through us without the pain blocking its power. The pain is often still there. The trials are often still there. But the light still floods through us and makes the difficulties less noticeable and less burdensome. 

Honestly, which day makes you feel happier: an overcast, cold snowy day, or a bright, sunny, cold snowy day? 

Yeah, that's what I though. It doesn't matter if it's cold and snowy, as long as the sun is shining brightly. Some things in my life have changed that bring in the Lord's light, and I couldn't be more thankful for that!

1. I read the scriptures in the morning before I get out of bed. It has absolutely slowed down my morning routine, but I feel less rushed and more at peace. 
2. Because I've read my scriptures, I tend to pray either right when I wake up or at some point before I leave for work. Again, it's not a conventionally "perfect" prayer, but I converse with the Lord. Sometimes it's even just driving in the car. But we talk every day. 
3. I was never good at either of these things. Now they're become habits. 
4. I am a weak person. I doubt and second-guess. I've turned to prayer and scriptures during the day and evenings to counteract my weakness. It's a great restorative for faith. 
5. My friends and family are amazing. I already knew that, but I love getting reminded of it.

Thoughts on Happiness + Getting personal

This post may get a bit personal. But I don't know that anyone reads my updates too much these days, so I'm just going with it. 


It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life's story will develop.

―Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.

―Gordon B. Hinckley

 In life as in the dance, grace glides on blistered feet.. 

— Alice Abrams

I've been thinking a lot lately about happiness. What it takes to bring true, enduring happiness. For me, I'm beginning to realize that happiness and faith are closely linked... especially on the big things. Obviously, a donut always makes me happy. Dancing makes me happy. But intangibles that bring happiness - successful career, love, friendship, marriage, acceptance, etc. - really require faith that happiness is possible even in their absence. 

No one would ever confuse me for a bubbly, happy optimist. I am generally a happy person, but I've got enough of a serious side and realistic side that I'm just never going to be pegged that way. I'm a person that feels deeply. When I chose to care and invest myself in something, I don't do it halfway. I've known this about myself for some time. It's arguably as much of a weakness as it is a strength. 

So here arises the conundrum. How do you make a gentle transition into committing to someone without over committing? History says that I am no good at this. I've been realizing lately though, that it's a matter of focus and a question of what I'm committing to. I have to commit to things I know and trust. 

I know that I am a catch. 

I know that I've been promised that I will get married. And I know it's coming. That means that I'll have to meet a young man who wants to date and court me first. I know that will happen, too. 

I have an amazing job.

I have been blessed with numerous talents.

I have more friends than I think I do.

I have a fabulous family and extended family. 

And I trust that:

If I commit to the Lord, then I can commit 100% like I always do. And He can take care of the rest. 

And He will. 

Peaks and Valleys

I was reading yesterday about a man who complained that life always seemed to be on an up and down rollercoaster... never smoothing out into a nice balance. He happened to be complaining to a nurse, who observed that if you're in the hospital, the peaks and valleys on the heart monitor indicate you're alive! No one wants to get a flat line there. 

It's true. Life is a continual series of peaks and valleys, reminding us that we are alive, living, learning, and growing. Monday was a day like no other for peaks and valleys. There's a few things in limbo for me right now, which is a phase of living that I really don't care for and really don't thrive in. I dislike limbo. Nor am I particularly patient in limbo. Clearly, there's some learning and growing for me to go through right now. 

So limbo. I've been in limbo for a bit. A valley to be sure. About when I entered limbo, though, my new roommate moved in! She is awesome. All three of us are getting along well, and I think she's a great catalyst to bring us together. Fun, outgoing, supportive... definitely a peak. 

Work - another peak in my life. I love my job! It's rewarding and fulfilling, and I am good at what I do. I got some exciting news on Monday about upcoming events, which was definitely a big peak! I'll be sure to elaborate more on that when I get the full details :) . 

Peak: I went ice skating at the Olympic Oval last night and had a great time with the ward! I met some new people I hadn't talked to much in the past. Guys and girls. I also realized that I'm a decent (not great, but definitely not bad) skater, and that I really do have strong legs that don't tire easily. We won't mention the knees.....

Peak: I've been doing SO GOOD on my goals of scripture reading and prayer so far this year. Some days it's a little harder to feel the peace, comfort, and tranquility that these usually bring, but I know it's there somewhere. I feel like my relationship with the Lord is improving. That's very important to me. 

Peak: This one might be a questionable peak, but I hit and surpassed my weight goals for the holidays. I wanted to drop a few pounds (literally, like 2) by getting a bit more in shape. Over the two months of Zero Weigh In challenge, I actually lost a bit more than 5 lbs! I had fasted the day before the weigh in, so I think that might have dropped me a few more, but a solid 5 is very nice. My next goal is to work on muscle tone and cardio endurance. 

Peak: I have friends and family who love me and care about me. 

Peak: I am involved in a fantastic dance company that supports me individually and really cares about me as a person. We are also pretty dang good dancers, which doesn't hurt.

Peak: I finally went grocery shopping! I need to go again and get some menu ideas going on, but I am somewhat better stocked and finally have breakfast foods again. Yum!

Peak: I moved to the master room in our house and have a sweet bathtub in my bathroom. I love it. And I have a bay window. And hopefully I will find a few of my monkey hooks so I can hang a picture or two. 

Peak: I have good books on my Kindle! Admittedly, I'm currently reading an old one simply because I know it will be a good brain escape (it's very hard to find things that will occupy my brain so I can stop over-thinking), but I'm excited to start my new gift "And the Mountains Echoed" and a recommendation from my sister in law. Can't remember the name, but I did buy it!

Valley: Limbo. Always has been and always will be hard for me. Gone through some various stages of sadness on this one. I'm not sure where I stand at this point. All I know is who I want to be and how I want to live my life. 

Valley: Delynne Peay, one of my dearest dance professors in college, passed away last night. She had a major role in the course of my life through college, and even beyond. She was passionate about dance, culture, and the great good that comes through these facets. I danced on her team for two years, and remained close to her even after I finished my time with folk dance officially. She was vivacious, compassionate, and always pushed us to be our best. The Lord calls us to different missions at different times - she made a profound difference in my life and helped me discover a passion I didn't know I had. She believed in me and my skills. It has been so impressive to see the response from all the dancers whose lives she touched. I'm thankful to be part of her folk dance family and pray that her immediate family feels the peace and comfort they desire at this time.