Frustrations

So today I was supposed to lead the class discussion in my CMPST 640R class. I read the book, read the supplemental readings, and prepared three main questions I wanted to discuss. I marked the passages, wrote out the questions with some guides as to where I wanted the discussion to lead, and went to bed feeling like I was prepared. I woke up, printed off the papers for everyone, and arrived early to class. I began my discussion with a short introduction as to how Book 1 and Book 2 are different, then moved into my first topic of inquiry.

Maybe people just don't like to talk at 8 in the morning. Maybe I didn't leave enough room for interpretation when I asked my question. Maybe I talked too much, not enough, or maybe I smelled funny. (I didn't: I showered before class). For whatever reason, though, no one really picked up on what I was putting down. Well... the professor did. And he dominated the conversation and discussion for a large part of the time. I did get to all my (three) questions, but they didn't go anywhere near where I envisioned them. Of course I could have examined the topics more along the angles he brought up, but I wanted to hear my classmates ideas on what I had prepared for them. At least I don't feel sick anymore. I was half-worried that I wouldn't make it through class. So that's a good thing, right?

Healthy as a Horse

I went to get my blood drawn today for a glucose and cholesterol. While there, I also got my blood pressure checked. 108/62!

How befitting for this night...

Today did not turn out to be the day I thought it would be. Certainly not the day I wanted it to be... no one wants days like these. I wish it could have only been a bad day for one person... not two people.

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.

Victor Hugo (1802-1885)

Re-decorating

I thought it was time to get a new background for my blog. I've had that busy pink background for quite a while, and I was really feeling in the mood for something... different. It's a little crisper, less frilly, and very satisfying for the onset of autumn and its colorful foliage.

I hope to finish tidying my room this weekend (cross fingers, knock on wood, rub the rabbit's foot). Then our kitchen needs to be cleaned, and it would be really great to get a cute thing or two to make it look like we live there. A rug, a centerpiece.... something. I feel kinda like the mom in my apartment, in that I feel like I do more of the cleaning etc. But then, I also cook more, so it makes sense that I have more dishes to do. (I'm not complaining about this either. I actually loved doing my chores last Saturday, because it meant I actually had time to do chores!)

Well I suppose that is sufficiently random for today. World of Dance is going awesomely well! Opening night was a little rocky, but last night was so wonderful!! I'm excited to keep improving for tonight and our final shows on Saturday. I also have my camera today, and hopefully will get some pictures to post. The hair/make-up combination isn't the most flattering, mostly because the slicked back hair makes me like rather bald but... oh well. I LOVE IT! Give me a stage any day, and I'll be a happy camper :)

PS. This just in: I think I may be having a workplace fling. It's just so sweet and refreshing, and I really am getting used to a daily fix. Talk about a cool customer though.... check this kid out!

YUM!!!

Rawr

So I've come to an important, though albeit disappointing, realization today. I am way too intolerant these days. Quick tempered, easily frustrated with others, not as patient as I should be....
RAWR! Sometimes I feel like I could just bite someone's head off!! Unfortunately, I tend to feel this way at work, which is bad because that's where I spend the majority of my day. I feel unappreciated for job responsibilities I was asked to fulfill for about 6 months on a volunteer basis. I did a really good job with the assignments I was given, and I still am doing some things they passed off to me. Having become the temporary liaison for that time, it became assumed that I suddenly knew how everything worked in our system. I don't. I know how to troubleshoot and think things through, but sometimes people still ask me questions as if I know everything and can figure out why the system does what it does. (I defy ANYONE to answer that question.) I like helping my coworkers, and they were really fabulous to help me out when I got bogged down a few weeks ago, but my attitude hasn't seemed to recover yet. I need to fix something so I can find joy in work again.

Stepping Stone

I said something intelligent in class today. In my 8am class. And it was even more than a one-sentence response. I feel more legitimate as a graduate student... which definitely feels good.

In other news, it's a rainy day with thunder and lightning. Of course I wore a very summery outfit today. Weather-- I refuse to conform!

Lastly, this week is World of Dance!!! I am so excited to perform on the big stage with such high caliber dancers. Dancing is like walking to me. Or breathing. I can't live without it. I hear beautiful music and the dancer in my head moves and creates amazing choreographies.

Humanity in Motion

I sat in the red cushioned seats, trying to ignore the disparity in my vision-- one contact in and one contact out is definitely not ideal--while a scene of true beauty unfolded on the stage. It took me the entire dance, but I think I grasped an idea of the underlying concept of the contemporary piece. Ripples. The same movement is made at the beginning and the end, bookending a transcendent array of interactions. As I watched, I was impressed with a sense of the universality of movement-- it's power to connect people elementally.

I really wish I had written my thoughts down earlier. Reading more philosophical homework assignments has a tendency to put my brain in constriction, and at this point my thoughts are not coming to remembrance. Sleep, where art thou?

Pensamientos de la muerte

Whoever thought working full time and doing grad school part time was a practical, nay, a good idea must needs be shot or hung or otherwise dispatched. Unfortunately, religion prevents me from suicide, so here I sit. Instead, I shall lay the other particulars of my life on the altar of self-sacrifice.... sacrifice of self to fulfill a wish of self under factors entirely controlled by self. Oh, the irony.

In truth, I do think I'll survive the semester. Barely. It just seems to be a lot right now because a) school just started, b) I am giving a lot of time to World of Dance preparation, c) I'm still getting back in the habit of shoving books into my head while gleaning deep insights from them. But hey, if I don't survive, maybe that's not such a bad thing. In the words of Alexander Pope~ "Who dies in youth and vigour, dies the best."

Work Brings Freedom

Black Shower Again

So I was in a hurry this morning to get out the door. I scurried into the bathroom, bleary-eyed and semi-conscious. I turned the water on, and GUSH! It was all black water again!! It was just a short spurt, but I could see the little floaties of black in the black water.... and to think that last time it did that I was IN the shower UNDER the water!?!!! Gross!!! I think it's time to have a little chat with management.