Bragadaccio

I generally have a humble opinion of myself, but I feel like I have just cause to celebrate. So if you think I brag and toot my own horn too much, you should stop reading. 

For the rest of you, I am thrilled to brag that I had the second highest score on my graduate exam (94.75%). WOOT! That score represents the reading of nearly 21 books during Fall semester, an 8.5 hour written exam (sans books/notes) comprised of 9321 words and about 18 pages, single-spaced. 

WHA-BAM!

If you think I'm awesome too, you can join me in my cheers. And I'll strive for greater humility in the future, but hey, I'm good, not perfect. 

:)

 

Perfect

 http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=684

Timing

DALLIN H. OAKS

---

Dallin H. Oaks was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when this devotional
address was given at Brigham Young University on 29 January 2002.
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---

   The most significant academic talks I heard during my service at BYU had one common characteristic. Instead of providing new facts or advocating a particular position, as many lectures do, the most significant talks changed the listeners' way of thinking about an important subject. Though I am a devotional speaker rather than a lecturer on an academic subject, I am going to make that same attempt today. I will attempt to change some listeners' ways of thinking about an important subject--the matter of timing.

   I begin with a story I heard many years ago at the inauguration of a university president. It illustrates the importance of timing in university administration. One university president had come to the end of his period of service, and another was just beginning. As a gesture of goodwill, the wise outgoing president handed his young successor three sealed envelopes. "Hold these until you have the first crisis in your administration," he explained.           "Then open the first one, and you will find some valuable advice."

It was a year before the new president had a crisis. When he opened the first envelope, he found a single sheet of paper on which were written the words "Blame the prior administration." He followed that advice and survived the crisis.

   Two years later he faced another serious challenge to his leadership. He opened the second envelope and read: "Reorganize your administration." He did so, and the reorganization disarmed his critics and gave new impetus to his leadership.

   Much later the now-seasoned president encountered his third major crisis. Eagerly he opened the last envelope, anticipating the advice that would provide the solution for his troubles. Again he found a single sheet of paper, but this time it read, "Prepare three envelopes." It was time for new leadership.

   The familiar observation that "timing is everything" surely overstates the point, but timing is vital. We read in Ecclesiastes:

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; . . .

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; . . .

[A] time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; . . .

[A] time to keep silence, and a time to speak. [Ecclesiastes 3:1­2, 4­5, 7]

   In all the important decisions in our lives, what is most important is to do the right thing. Second, and only slightly behind the first, is to do the right thing at the right time. People who do the right thing at the wrong time can be frustrated and ineffective. They can even be confused about whether they made the right choice when what was wrong was not their choice but their timing.

I. The Lord's Timing

   My first point on the subject of timing is that the Lord has His own timetable. "My words are sure and shall not fail," the Lord taught the early elders of this dispensation. "But," He continued, "all things must come to pass in their time" (D&C 64:31­32).

   The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Faith means trust--trust in God's will, trust in His way of doing things, and trust in His timetable. We should not try to impose our timetable on His. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell has said:

   The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best? The same is true with the second coming and with all those matters wherein our faith needs to include faith in the Lord's timing for us personally, not just in His overall plans and purposes. [Even As I Am(Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1982), 93]

   More recently, during last April conference, Elder Maxwell said: "Since faith in the timing of the Lord may be tried, let us learn to say not only, 'Thy will be done,' but patiently also, 'Thy timing be done'" (CR, April 2001, 76; or "Plow in Hope," Ensign,May 2001, 59).

Indeed, we cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord's will and in the Lord's timing.

   Among the persons who violate this principle are those who advocate euthanasia. They are trying to take an essential matter that we understand to be determined only by God and accelerate its occurrence according to their own will or preference.

   In our service in the Lord's church we should remember that when is just as important as who, what, where, and how.

   For a vivid illustration of the importance of timing we can look to the earthly ministry of the Lord and His succeeding instructions to His Apostles. During His lifetime the Lord instructed the Twelve Apostles not to preach to the Gentiles but "rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel" (Matthew 10:5­6; also see Matthew 15:22­26). Then, at the appropriate time, this instruction was reversed in a great revelation to the Apostle Peter. Only then, at the precise time dictated by the Lord, was the gospel taken to the Gentiles (see Acts 10­11).

   As this example shows, continuing revelation is the means by which the Lord administers His timing. We need that revelatory direction. For example, many of us or our descendants will doubtless participate in the fulfillment of prophecies about the building of the city of New Jerusalem (see D&C 84:2­4). But in this matter the timing is the Lord's, not ours. We will not be approved or blessed in clearing the ground or pouring the footings for that great project until the Lord has said that it is time. In this, as in so many other things, the Lord will proceed in His own time and in His own way.

   We prepare in the way the Lord has directed. We hold ourselves in readiness to act on the Lord's timing. He will tell us when the time is right to take the next step. For now, we simply concentrate on our own assignments and on what we have been asked to do today. In this we are also mindful of the Lord's assurance: "I will hasten my work in its time" (D&C 88:73).

    People who do not accept continuing revelation sometimes get into trouble by doing things too soon or too late or too long. The practice of polygamy is an example.

   The importance of the Lord's timing is also evident in His dietary laws. The Lord gave one dietary direction to ancient Israel. Much later, because of the "evils and designs" that exist in these "last days" (D&C 89:4), He has given us a Word of Wisdom suited to the circumstances of our time, accompanied by the promised blessings we need in our time.

    The Lord's timing also applies to the important events of our personal lives. A great scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants declares that a particular spiritual experience will come to us "in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will" (D&C 88:68). This principle applies to revelation (see Oaks, "Teaching and Learning by the Spirit," Ensign, March 1997, 11) and to all of the most important events in our lives: birth, marriage, death, and even our moves from place to place.

   Here is an example from the life of a prominent pioneer ancestor of many in this audience. Anson Call was in the initial exodus from Nauvoo. He and his family crossed Iowa in the spring of 1846 and reached Council Bluffs, Iowa, that summer. There Brigham Young was organizing wagon companies. He appointed Anson Call captain of the first 10 wagons. The Twelve ordered his wagon train to move west. It left the Missouri River for the West on July 22, 1846. Organized by priesthood authority, they were directed toward the Rocky Mountains, and they went westward with great energy.

   After traveling more than 130 miles through what is now Nebraska, this first wagon train was overtaken by new instructions directing them not to proceed further that season. They found a place to winter, and then, in the spring of 1847, returned east and rejoined the main body of the Church on the Iowa side of the Missouri. There Anson Call and his family remained for a year, making further preparations and helping others prepare for the trip west. It was two years after their initial start westward in 1846 that Anson Call and his family finally journeyed to the valleys of the mountains. There the obedient and resourceful Anson Call was frequently used by Brigham Young to begin new settlements in the Intermountain West. (See The Journal of Anson Call [United States: Ethan L. Call and Christine Shaffer Call; Afton, Wyoming: Shann L. Call, 1986], 36.)

    What is the meaning of this pioneer experience? It is not enough that we are under call, or even that we are going in the right direction. The timing must be right, and if the time is not right, our actions should be adjusted to the Lord's timetable as revealed by His servants.

   The Lord's timing is often revealed in this way. Several years ago President Hinckley announced the construction of a large number of new temples, essentially doubling the number of operating temples of the Church from about 50 to about 100 in just a few years. Having additional temples has always been the direction to go, but until the prophet of the Lord signaled this as a major initiative, no one could have properly urged such a sudden and dramatic increase for the Church and its people. Only the Lord's prophet could move the whole Church west. Only the Lord's prophet could signal the Church to double its operating temples in just a few years.

   In my conference talk last October I gave another illustration--the importance of following the Lord's timing with those we try to interest in hearing the gospel message. Proclaiming the gospel is His work, not ours, and therefore it must be done on His timing, not ours. There are nations in the world today that must hear the gospel before the Lord will come again. We know this, but we cannot force it. We must wait upon the Lord's timing. He will tell us, and He will open the doors or bring down the walls when the time is right. We should pray for the Lord's help and directions so that we can be instruments in His hands to proclaim the gospel to nations and persons who are now ready--persons He would have us help today. The Lord loves all of His children, and He desires that all have the fulness of His truth and the abundance of His blessings. He knows when groups or individuals are ready, and He wants us to hear and heed His timetable for sharing His gospel with them.

II. The Agency of Others

   The achievement of some important goals in our lives is subject to more than the timing of the Lord. Some personal achievements are also subject to the agency of others. This is particularly evident in two matters of special importance to young people of college age--missionary baptisms and marriage.

   Last summer Sister Oaks and I were in Manaus, Brazil. I spoke to about a hundred missionaries in that great city on the Amazon. As I stood to speak, I was prompted to put aside some notes I usually use on such occasions and substitute some thoughts on the importance of timing--some of the scriptures and principles I have been talking about today.

   I reminded the missionaries that some of our most important plans cannot be brought to pass without the agency and actions of others. A missionary cannot baptize five persons this month without the agency and action of five other persons. A missionary can plan and work and do all within his or her power, but the desired result will depend upon the additional agency and action of others. Consequently a missionary's goals ought to be based upon the missionary's personal agency and action, not upon the agency or action of others.

   But this is not the time to elaborate on what I told the missionaries about goals. Instead I will share some other applications of the principle of timing, giving illustrations from our personal lives.

III. Applications to Our Lives

   Someone has said that life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. Because of things over which we have no control, we cannot plan and bring to pass everything we desire in our lives. Many important things will occur in our lives that we have not planned, and not all of them will be welcome. The tragic events of September 11th and their revolutionary consequences provide an obvious example. Even our most righteous desires may elude us, or come in different ways or at different times than we have sought to plan.

    For example, we cannot be sure that we will marry as soon as we desire. A marriage that is timely in our view may be our blessing or it may not. My wife Kristen is an example. She did not marry until many years after her mission and her graduation. Older singles have some interesting experiences. While she was at her sister's place to celebrate her fiftieth birthday, her sister's husband shared something he had just read in a newspaper. "Kristen," he said, "now that you are a single woman over 50, your chances of marrying are not as good as your chances of being killed by a terrorist."

    The timing of marriage is perhaps the best example of an extremely important event in our lives that is almost impossible to plan. Like other important mortal events that depend on the agency of others or the will and timing of the Lord, marriage cannot be anticipated or planned with certainty. We can and should work for and pray for our righteous desires, but, despite this, many will remain single well beyond their desired time for marriage.

    So what should be done in the meantime? Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ prepares us for whatever life brings. This kind of faith prepares us to deal with life's opportunities--to take advantage of those that are received and to persist through the disappointments of those that are lost. In the exercise of that faith we should commit ourselves to the priorities and standards we will follow on matters we do not control and persist faithfully in those commitments whatever happens to us because of the agency of others or the timing of the Lord. When we do this, we will have a constancy in our lives that will give us direction and peace. Whatever the circumstances beyond our control, our commitments and standards can be constant.

   Sometimes our commitments will surface at unexpected times and be applied in unexpected circumstances. Sometimes the principles we have taught to others come back to guide our own actions when we think we don't need them anymore. A personal experience illustrates this reality. Most Latter-day Saint parents know the importance of giving their children reminders as they go out on a date. I did this with our children, and I think they heeded my counsel. During the time I was getting acquainted with Kristen, when I left the house to meet her, one of my children said to me with a twinkle in the eye: "Now Dad, remember who you are!"

    The commitments and service of adult singles can anchor them through the difficult years of waiting for the right time and the right person. Their commitments and service can also inspire and strengthen others. The poet John Greenleaf Whittier wrote of this in his wonderful poem "Snow-Bound," which contains this description of a dear aunt who never married:

The sweetest woman ever Fate

Perverse denied a household mate,

Who, lonely, homeless, not the less

Found peace in love's unselfishness,

And welcome whereso'er she went,

A calm and gracious element.

[John Greenleaf Whittier, "Snow-Bound: A Winter Idyl," in Snow-Bound: Among the Hills: Songs of Labor: and Other Poems(Boston; New York: Houghton, Mifflin and Company, 1898), lines 352­57]

    Wise are those who make this commitment: I will put the Lord first in my life and I will keep His commandments. The performance of that commitment is within everyone's control. We can fulfill that commitment without regard to what others decide to do, and that commitment will anchor us no matter what timing the Lord directs for the most important events in our lives.

     Do you see the difference between committing to what you will do, in contrast to trying to plan that you will be married by the time you graduate or that you will earn at least X amount of dollars on your first job?

If we have faith in God and if we are committed to the fundamentals of keeping His commandments and putting Him first in our lives, we do not need to plan every single event--even every important event--and we should not feel rejected or depressed if some things--even some very important things--do not happen at the time we had planned or hoped or prayed.

    Commit yourself to put the Lord first in your life, keep His commandments, and do what the Lord's servants ask you to do. Then your feet are on the pathway to eternal life. Then it does not matter whether you are called to be a bishop or a Relief Society president, whether you are married or single, or whether you die tomorrow. You do not know what will happen. Do your best on what is fundamental and personal and then trust in the Lord and His timing.

   Life has some strange turns. I will share some personal experiences that illustrate this.

   When I was a young man I thought I would serve a mission. I graduated from high school in June 1950. Thousands of miles away, one week after that high school graduation, a North Korean army crossed the 38th parallel, and our country was at war. I was 17 years old, but as a member of the Utah National Guard I was soon under orders to prepare for mobilization and active service. Suddenly, for me and for many other young men of my generation, the full-time mission we had planned or assumed was not to be.

    Another example: After I served as president of BYU for nine years, I was released. A few months later the governor of the state of Utah appointed me to a 10-year term on the supreme court of this state. I was then 48 years old. My wife June and I tried to plan the rest of our lives. We wanted to serve the full-time mission neither of us had been privileged to serve. We planned that I would serve 20 years on the state supreme court. Then, at the end of two 10-year terms, when I would be nearly 69 years old, I would retire from the supreme court and we would submit our missionary papers and serve a mission as a couple.

     I had my 69th birthday last summer and was vividly reminded of that important plan. If things had gone as we planned, I would now be submitting papers to serve a mission with my wife June.

Four years after we made that plan I was called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles--something we never dreamed would happen. Realizing then that the Lord had different plans and different timing than we had assumed, I resigned as a justice of the supreme court. But this was not the end of the important differences. When I was 66, my wife June died of cancer. Two years later--a year and a half ago--I married Kristen McMain, the eternal companion who now stands at my side.

     How fundamentally different my life is than I had sought to plan! My professional life has changed. My personal life has changed. But the commitment I made to the Lord--to put Him first in my life and to be ready for whatever He would have me do--has carried me through these changes of eternal importance.

    Faith and trust in the Lord give us the strength to accept and persist, whatever happens in our lives. I did not know why I received a "no" answer to my prayers for the recovery of my wife of many years, but the Lord gave me a witness that this was His will, and He gave me the strength to accept it. Two years after her death, I met this wonderful woman who is now my wife for eternity. And I know that this also was the will of the Lord.

    I return to the subject with which I began. Do not rely on planning every event of your life--even every important event. Stand ready to accept the Lord's planning and the agency of others in matters that inevitably affect you. Plan, of course, but fix your planning on personal commitments that will carry you through no matter what happens. Anchor your life to eternal principles, and act upon those principles whatever the circumstances and whatever the actions of others. Then you can await the Lord's timing and be sure of the outcome in eternity.

    The most important principle of timing is to take the long view. Mortality is just a small slice of eternity, but how we conduct ourselves here--what we become by our actions and desires, confirmed by our covenants and the ordinances administered to us by proper authority--will shape our destiny for all eternity. As the prophet Amulek taught, "This life is the time for men to prepare to meet God" (Alma 34:32). That reality should help us take the long view--the timing of eternity. As President Charles W. Penrose declared at a general conference memorializing the death of President Joseph F. Smith:

      Why waste your time, your talents, your means, your influence in following something that will perish and pass away, when you could devote yourselves to a thing that will stand forever? For this Church and kingdom, to which you belong, will abide and continue in time, in eternity, while endless ages roll along, and you with it will become mightier and more powerful; while the things of this world will pass away and perish, and will not abide in nor after the resurrection, saith the Lord our God.[CR, June 1919, 37]

      I pray that each of us will hear and heed the word of the Lord on how to conduct ourselves in mortality and set our standards and make our commitments so that we can be in harmony and in tune with the timing of our Father in Heaven. I testify of Jesus Christ, our Savior, whose Church this is, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Every man is a divinity in disguise, a god playing the fool.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

A-l-o-n-e

I'm so tired of being alone. I know, how dare I say that when for the past 4-7 months I haven't had to deal with that? Well, I frankly don't care what you think of me for that, because when it all ends its all over. Four days feels like 4 months. And really, the non-single time was more of an anomaly from the typical string of months and years of singleness. I'm not trying to be bitter. It's just that, no matter how much perspective I have, I simply hate being alone. Especially when I'm in the midst of transitioning back into it. I'm not angry at him, specifically. I'm not really angry at all. It's just a lame situation. And that is life. 

endings...

well, I guess my happy ending is just in a different place and time than I expected. 

My Matt is Awesome!!

Matt officially signed with Symantec today! I don't know all the details, but he will be working as a senior financial analyst at company headquarters in Mountain View, CA. I'm so happy for him. He's certainly put in all the hard work and effort to warrant such an awesome job. And, since the easiest way to a Matt's heart is through his stomach... I'm making him a celebration dinner tomorrow night. Hooray for success and good food and great company!

Pink and Gray

For some reason I just love the combination of pink and gray. It feels so cozy to me. It makes me think of elephants and mouse ears. 

I have my big graduate exam on Friday. I know, of all times to not be wasting time on blogging, this is surely the week to neglect it. But I was just thinking about pink and gray and being cozy and comfortable. 

And I'm multi-tasking by working on class prep. Just a note: check out glass blowing. It rocks.

Fat Days: Fall 2008

This happened one night in 2008. Thanks, Kristen, for playing photographer. I had won a massively large shirt and for some reason felt possessed to make it fit. 

It's okay, you know you want to laugh. 

Fist pump

Muscle woman

Michael Flatley

Perfect Pillow

Booty shake

Love my guts

Dance Party

Redneck

Fat Runner

Reaching

Big Booty

Seduction

To the Moon

A true friend is one soul in two bodies.

Aristotle (384 BC-322 BC)

I feel like I could jump to the moon tonight. I feel filled with energy and vitality right now. Great timing, right? I don't care. I'm going to let that excitement carry me through... well at least the next few days. Seriously. So. Happy. 

A moment of silence

Facebook is a wealth of information... and sadly today I saw the pieces falling together to indicate that one of my dear friends from freshman year had passed away. Somehow I managed to miss the news reports for two days. David Whitney was one of the kindest men you'd ever meet. He's about the only guy I wrote while he was on his mission (brothers excepted) and we have remained friends over the past 6 years. It's a tragic loss. (I have some old pictures of us somewhere... I'll try and post some once I locate the disc.)


http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=13307374

http://www.fox13now.com/news/kstu-payson-plane-crash,0,5414287.story

Homecoming 2008

Night

Wow, was today really only Thursday? Wednesday seems so long ago. Can I just say that the end of Wednesday was completely amazing and wonderful? Well, it was. So there. 

I should be asleep right now. Or reading something, since I'm obviously not asleep right now. Instead I'm blogging. About how I should be sleeping. 

I went and visited Megan tonight (and Natalie. Ethan was asleep). It's nice to just chill with family and see my cutest-ever niece! 

I drove home from Springville. It's too far to walk, you know? So I'm driving and minding my own business when something smacks against my driver-side window. What the...?? It's so weird, because it was almost an out-of body experience... like, I feel like I watched myself flinch. I'm just glad I didn't swerve when I flinched. The idiot car next to me had a bunch of punk kids in it who were gadding about with water balloons. Let me tell you, we're all lucky that nothing broke. Like my window. Or their heads. Ok, ok, I'm pretty much a non-violent person, so their heads would never be in any danger. But it's a good thing their illegal activity didn't actually cause true harm or damage.

What are you supposed to do in those kinds of situations? I know a lot of things, but that's something I've never learned or been prepped for. Kind of like the "I just ran over a dog and have no clue what to do" scenario. Have I mentioned that I once ran over a dog? And didn't know what to do? I still remember that when I drive on that street. Someone should write a guidebook for how to handle rare and somewhat random situations like that. I  could sure use it.

It's cold. I need to take my contacts out. It's way past bedtime. WAY. Oh man. This ends now.  I must leave this bed so I can truly return to it. 

Sorry you just read the most random post ever. I hope it was.... randomizing. And someone really should write that book. 

Wednesday

It is a Wednesday. Meaning it feels like a Monday. Do days feel like a certain way? I usually don't think Mondays are all that bad... each day is a struggle for me to wake up and there's always more to do than there is time. I guess that's really what this is all about. 

I'm stressed.

Out.

December 3rd is my huge graduate reading examination. The good news: I have all the books that I need to read currently in my possession. And I've read/viewed about half of them. Which means I have approximately 7 left. I really would like to not fail. Honestly, I don't think I will, but the prospect of those 7 readings is daunting. Especially when I think about grading a pile of exams. And a cultural experience response. And working on my 20+ page paper. And wouldn't it be great if I finished creating my class lectures for this semester? Hey, and if I'm that far ahead, I might as well start writing their final too. Did I mention I have a final tomorrow? (I know, I definitely should be doing something besides blogging. It's okay... I'm simultaneously working on my class prep. Today is poetry.)

There's more to every story, and this one is no different. But I think I'll just leave you with this awesome quote from Katherine Hepburn. It fits some other thoughts I'm thinking.  

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get -  only what you are expecting give - which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and cannot help giving.  - Katherine Hepburn

That's one thing you'll never hear me say

Things that are extremely unlikely to ever be uttered by me:

I think I'll quit dancing
I don't like reading
Pink is the ugliest color in the world
I wish I could belch the ABC's
I'm looking a little skinny these days... I need to gain 10 lbs
Sleeping is overrated

Food is evil and should be avoided

I miss running 

Oh wait.

Forget that last one! Yes, folks, it is official. 

I miss running!

I never in a million years thought that I'd every say that, let alone actually feel the pangs of missing running. It's not something I'm particularly good at, and it's not something I particularly love, but I do in fact miss it. Since running my race on Halloween Eve, I really haven't hit the road much. I got in a decent hill run last Saturday (after a week of general inactivity), and I'll probably try to get in a short run before rehearsal this Saturday. I tried to get some time on the elliptical on Tuesday, but I went to the gym at quite the wrong time and all that was left was the stair stepper. Yeah... and I actually did the thing for 20 minutes. I pretended that I was hiking a mountain with a cute boy. 

But really, two weeks and such minimal physical exertion has taken its toll! Little did I realize at the time, but running not only gave me a great workout, it also gave me endorphins which made me happy about life and more energized to complete my never-ending To-Do list. The list just keeps growing, it seems, and I definitely need to have motivation if I ever want to get through it. (My goal is to stay alive through December 3rd. After that, all bets are off). I just wish the weather were not so cold! Not being a major fan of running, I really dislike running around in circles on a track. But it's either run indoors on a track or treadmill (which is 10x worse than a track) or bundle up and freeze myself for 20 minutes each cold and dark evening. I still haven't decided which is worse, uh, I mean better, but let it hereby be known that I am getting back on the running horse on a more consistent basis. Besides all the side-benefits, I'd like to run another 5k again and have an improved time. So... I guess I better find one and start working to that goal again. 

And that's the end of things you never thought you'd hear me say. And really? I probably never will say any of them. Sure I wrote about missing running, but did those words pass my lips? I think not.  

 

My Love Affair

. . . with books.

I love books. Seriously. I own way too many. I check out way too many from the library. I probably have as many books as I do clothes and shoes. I have books in 3 boxes in my closet, in two stacks on the shelf in my closet, layered two deep under my TV stand (behind closed doors thank goodness), lined up in a box next to my desk (all my current "school-assigned" books), stacked on the shelf under my desk, and a few spares left by old roommates out in the front room. By and large, those are the books that I own. Then we have the ones I'm borrowing. Those are mostly relegated to the top of the desk (currently coming in at two piles) and the floor. Sorry, but that John Constable book weighs probably 5 pounds and is absolutely too huge to fit anywhere else. 

Yesterday I went to the library. To get more books. Because I have to read more books. I have a reading test as part of my graduate experience and it is coming up in about a month... the first Friday of December. (Any guesses on what I'm doing over Thanksgiving this year?) Of the approximately 21 works I have to read I've read... not enough. So I hunted down the call numbers to get four more-- that professor is nice and has me reading selections from the more dense works of theory. I'm saving the harder stuff for later. Yeah, that makes great sense. Anyways, I also found the electronic copy of a dissertation I needed for another professor's list, and I had the brilliant idea to check the author's works cited page to see if I could find any gems. I found six separate titles -- I found their call numbers -- I wrote them all down on the backside of the paper with the four I needed. These new six are practically fluff compared to the other four, in that they'll help my thesis research, but I don't have a deadline for reading them. If it's not got a time limit attached, I probably shouldn't read it, right?

So, I went to the library. The BYU library is huge, so I always write down the floor number with the call number to make my journey efficient. That, and I know if I start browsing the shelves at random I'll walk out with twenty books that I really don't have time to read. I made my way through the miles of shelves... not that I walked miles to find my books, although they were basically at the furthest possible points from where I walked into the various sections. (It's okay, I needed some exercise this week. I've been horrifically lax since my race last Saturday.) From 1st floor to 5th floor, I diligently followed the front of my list, the side with four books that must be read and remembered and synthesized in the next month. As I walked down from the 5th floor, I paused on the landing for the 4th floor. That's where the Music/Dance area is at, a series of shelves with which I am intimately acquainted. Almost every (unnecessary) book on the back of my list could be found quickly in that area. 

I walked on down the stairs, bypassing the temptation to bring home yet more books. You'd think I'd made it to safety, right? The main floor (3rd floor) is primarily a study area, so there's practically no risk of picking up an extra book on the fly. Except for the Sampler Collection. The easily-accessible location where popular fiction, old and new, is housed so students can grab and go, so to speak. I don't indulge in fiction much during the school year, so this area usually holds little draw for me. However, as I walked past the doors I felt like all those happy fiction books were laughing and taunting me!! Come read me, come read me, you know you want to have a good time! Forget responsibilities and have a little fling! Pernicious little fictions trying to tempt me!! 

 I walked away. I made it out of the library with just the four books I will need to read for next month. I still have about 5 or 6 to check out for the rest of my reading exam list, but hopefully my struggles with bookly temptations will be less extreme by then. And hopefully I will have read some of the books that need to be read! People sometimes joke that Humanities is an easy major because it doesn't involve math or science or economics or difficult conceptual theories. I would have to disagree. First of all, we do have difficult theories to wrap our brains around... they just related to more philosophical things than how-the-world-works things. And secondly, we have to transport LOADS of information into our brains with stupendous amounts of reading! Have you tried reading 4-5 books at once and keeping them all straight and gaining theoretical and conceptual insights from them (while keeping them all straight)? Try it. 

I love books.

Redemption!

So about nine years ago I ran a 5k race. And came in dead last. As in, the water girls and the police car that marks the end of the race were my companions for... honestly? probably nearly half the race. At least the last third of it. 

Fast forward to this fall. My roommate and I decided we wanted to get into a workout routine, and we opted to run. In order to help motivate ourselves, we signed up for a 5k race, the Highway to Hale Halloween race. My goal: not come in last place! I'm happy to say, I succeeded in meeting my goal. I still want to improve my time, but I'm super excited with how I did! I came in 23 out of 52 in my age group, and 176 out of 325 overall! 

WOOT! 

(Sorry for the tabs of my browser. That's what it looks like when I do class prep.)

Fall Beauties

Mt. Timpanogos 

Quaking Aspen

Me, mom, and David

Me at Sundance

Fall Leaves (my favorite)

A Conversation with Self

Saturday night

Me: I should be healthy. Like actually eating lunch during the school week. And the weekend too. 

Self: Yeah, that's a great idea! We like food!

Me: I've always though that a V-8 would make a nice lunch. I get my veggies, some nutrition, and it would totally balance out my morning munching on yogurt/granola bars/cereal. (My body requires a good balance of sweet and savory.) 

Self: Ooh, we like V-8! And we know you're mostly thinking about what a great lunch it would make because we're at Wal-Mart and it's on sale. You can get an extra two cans for normal price! Hooray for bargains.

Me: Hey, I'm at Wal-Mart and V-8 is on sale, and it is in cute little cans! That's such the perfect thing to leave at my desk. I'll never be hungry again! 

Self: Yeah right. 
 
I buy the V-8. And it is low sodium, which means I won't OD on sodium.


Today 

Me: I'm hungry for lunch and was in too much of a hurry to grab the tupperware of food sitting in the fridge waiting for me to grab it. 

Self: We are way too busy if we can't manage to grab a measly tupperware container...

Me: I'll try my V-8! I'm so excited to open this and be all healthy and good things like that.

Self: Food!

Me and Self: Ummm.... this stuff isn't so good.

Me: Wow, this sure tastes... healthy.

Self: Not satisfying. Whose bright idea was it to buy "Low Sodium"??

Me: I have seven more of these things to get through. 

Self: Forget daily percent values. Never buy V-8 without all its preservative salt. EVER. 

Me and Self: Ingredients:
     -- Reconstituted vegetable juice blend (Water and concentrated juices of tomatoes, carrots, celery, beets, parsley, lettuce, watercress, spinach), potassium chloride, sugar, magnesium, salt, natural flavoring, vitamin C, disodium guanylate, disodium inosinate, citric acid.


Self: DIE SODIUM! They killed it. 


Me: That was a disappointing lunch. Vending machine?

This is it, except I got 2 extra cans for free, so it's an 8 pack. Lucky  me!

Prayer

Dear friends,

I believe in prayer. I love it. It has been a life-saver for me, so many times in my life. I will be forever grateful to my parents for raising me in a home filled with prayer, teaching me how to find answers and peace and guidance. 

I sometimes joke with my mom about my patterns of calling her... generally we talk about once a week on the phone, chat way too much on gmail-chat, and maybe text here and there. But then I'll start calling her almost every day. And my mom and I have both learned that for me and calling her, no news is good news. So if I'm calling every day.... well, its probably not great news. Prayer should not be like that, although I won't deny that my count increases with hard times.  I love that I have someone constantly able to "pick up the line" and listen to me. Someone that can give me true guidance and inspiration. It's always hard to stare into the abyss of darkness and wonder what's going to happen when you step out there. I sort of dislike heights, and consequently am not a huge fan of falling. So often when you step into the darkness, its more like stepping off a tall ledge than stepping forward on a path. 

I feel like I've been standing at that precipice lately, staring into utter blackness that refuses to offer the slightest hint of what is to come. I'm pretty sure that I've taken the last teensy toe-hold off that ledge and am now waiting for the impact. All things considered though, I know that it doesn't so much matter what I see right now-- someone else is guiding me. It is still scary and I still don't really know what is coming next. But I have my guide, watching and leading from a much clearer viewpoint than where I stand. 

Apple-Caramel Cheesecake

May I preface this post by saying that between 5:40 pm and 8:10 pm I went grocery shopping (for dinner/dessert ingredients), made the cheesecake and baked it, ran about 2 miles while it baked, took it out to cool, started the Cincinnati Chili simmering, showered, made pasta, got dressed, put makeup on, did my hair, set the table, cut up the condiments... well you get the idea. I felt like Superwoman by the time Matt knocked on the door. I even remembered to put napkins on before he got there! Anyways, let's get to the point...

INCREDIBLE YUMM!!!! Matt thought dinner tasted great, but his comment after eating a slice of this cheesecake? "Erica, you out-did yourself tonight." Thank you very much! I wouldn't call it a perfect result (the cheesecake, I mean) but it sure did taste AMAZING. Thanks, Paula Deen!


I'm not sure if it needed to cook a little longer or just needed to cool in the fridge more. As you can see, the top was getting darkened, and the center seemed mostly cooked... maybe I just need a legitimate oven that cooks evenly, not the typical student-housing oven. However, I submit that as my first attempt at cheesecake, it doesn't really matter if it was a little liquidy in the center, since it was delicious to eat!

Current controversy

When Prop 8 was a big deal, especially when it was overturned by the judge, there was a lot of commentary going on nationwide. I followed it, to an extent, and even started reading the judicial ruling made by that judge. It was hugely long and I didn't finish it, but it was very interesting to read. I'm pretty sure the opposition had a better-developed argument, and the lawyer on "our" side might have done more to bring credible evidentiary support to the issue. Regardless, I eventually stopped reading the case and news articles and commentary because it engenders (hah, great word choice for the topic) so much controversy. Controversy. That's probably what I react to more than conflict. Conflict can be resolved. Controversy, on the other hand, seems to be an endless litany of arguments with no end in sight. 


So what spurred this discussion tonight? Essentially the same thing. Elder Packer's conference talk has riled people up everywhere. I personally really appreciated his insights. I've thought a lot about the issue of gay rights versus the definition of marriage. Part of me recognizes that there is a population out there that is not going to disappear and will continue to demand recognition and equal treatment. The other part of me is entirely set on the fact that marriage is, has been, and always will be between a man and woman. Nothing else qualifies for that title. To hear President Packer discuss how man's laws cannot supersede God's laws seemed to settle some of those difficulties in my mind. Of course, the homosexual community is up in arms about the issue. (Interesting, because the talk was as much about pornography and overcoming sin in general as it was about anything else.) 


People picket and hold gatherings to denounce the Church and its teachings. People can be cruel. There are Facebook pages supporting President Packer but they are riddled with negative comments, detractors who lambaste members, leadership, swear, post links to Facebook groups encouraging people to leave the Church. It's ridiculous. I fully support the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I have no doubts that we are led by a living prophet, and the apostles likewise have the ability to receive revelation and inspiration. I believe that we must move forward with love for our fellow brothers and sisters, regardless of their situations. I realize it's naive of me to wish for the days when controversial topics involving the Church were less public and less significant. But this is the day and age we live in. There will be controversy and detractors. In a sense it is a weeding out process, and I believe that it's something each person will have to personally decide (meaning their commitment level). 


As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. 

Thought of the Day

It is past all controversy that what costs dearest is, and ought to be, most valued.

Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616)

Slow Cooker Goodness

I don't remember how I first stumbled across this site, but it is a gem! Not that I use my crockpot all that much, but I'm slowly getting more and more use out of it. Matt is a master crockpot cooker, and the delicious foods he whips out of there have inspired me to try more of the low-maintenance cooking. So, if you're like me and just a novice slow-cooker cook, check out 365 Days of Slow Cooking! She's got great recipes and has even rated them. And her helpful tips are good for someone like me who barely knows how to buy meat, let alone slow-cooker worthy meat. Seriously, check it out. 

:)

Advice Needed

I love summer for many reasons, but one of them is the footwear. It's so easy to find cute sandals to wear, they're inexpensive, and all is fine and dandy. And then comes Fall (and Winter....) and you have to wear close-toed shoes. Ick. Herein is my dilemma. I need to find some cute, versatile shoes to wear. I'm a professor, so they  need to be somewhat professional, but I don't necessarily want to wear heels all the time, but I could probably use some anyways..... maybe I should just buy like 5 pairs of shoes and call it good. Haha goodness knows that I'd be just happy with that (my checkbook would highly disagree though). So.... what do you think? Type of shoe? Color? Style? I don't even have a direction right now, otherwise I'd put up options and ask. What a conundrum.....

Shoes. The reason why summer should last forever. 

Remembering

Sometimes I can be critical.... and sometimes I can be hyper-critical. This usually happens most in dance. After being a dancer for 20 years, it's a topic I am very knowledgeable about. I can recognize good and bad technique in most genres, and I can also see good and bad performance. The thing is, most of what I notice doesn't matter to the average viewer. And it's quite possible that my hyper-critical comments detract not only from the performance (which always represents a significant amount of work and dedication on the part of the artists) but also from my character. So, in a matter of mere seconds I can destroy someone's perception of a dance, their perception of me, under-value the effort of the artists, and destroy the event for myself by not simply letting myself be captured by the aesthetics. Nit-picking is not great sometimes.


I was somewhat admonished on this topic the other day. I'm glad something was said.... I don't always realize when I've gone into this hyper-critical mode. And I don't want to excuse the fact that I'm guilt of this: I am. What probably doesn't come across when I comment on dance is that I would critique myself just as harshly. But really, going to a dance performance is something I love because I can abandon myself to the beauty. I had a hard time this last show letting go of the analysand in me and simply appreciating. 


I love dance. It enchants me. I am far from perfect in my dancing. I have never been the best, and I've always known that. I only wish I could dance in my mortal body the way my soul dances. I think what I'm realizing right now is that I've lost some of the soul in my dancing and in my viewing of dance. That is a tragedy, but thankfully one that can be amended. 


So tonight, I am amending that... or at least beginning to. When I first came to BYU I was inspired by dance, awed by it; I didn't know any of the performers personally yet and hadn't learned so much as to make me so "expert" in the genres. In my first weeks here I watched World of Dance, a yearly dance production where all the performing groups showcase their talents. Thank you BYUTV for having this (2004) performance online! I have been moved almost to tears (partly in sadness at my arrogance, but mostly from the beauty of the dances). 


Thanks for the admonishment. In all my learning and knowledge acquisition of late, I have forgotten to be inspired. Life should inspire and awe us.... and I hope that I might remember this more from now on. 

I am empowered; I Trust

• I am wearing my new sexy jeans and my cute fitted top and my favorite, most comfortable wedges-- making me a veritable giantess. I am empowered.
• My hair looks great and my makeup does too. I am empowered.
• I am a BYU professor, a graduate student, an employee, a dancer, a girlfriend. I am empowered.
• I cleaned my room, did some laundry, vacuumed the floor, worked on my class, finished a test. I am empowered.
• I practiced my tap dance and helped come up with two AMAZING steps. I also learned a new, tricky step. I am empowered. 

 

• I have a wonderful boyfriend who digs me. I trust.
• I have a supportive family who loves me. I trust.
• I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants me to be happy and successful. I trust. 
• The future is bright and beautiful, and it is bigger than the moment I live in-- it's all about perspective. I trust.