Georgia On My Mind

Sometimes I wish I could just sit and write forever. I doubt that in the end it would make much coherent sense, but when I get in my writing moods I tend to lend myself to stream of consciousness writing. I've had several things on my mind lately. For example, my class is ending in less than 2 weeks (hooray!) and I need to finish off a project for it. And by finish I mean finish starting... and then finish finishing. Plus the scene analysis I need to do. But that will be quick and easy, relatively speaking. Then there's the fact that I need to write my class for Fall. And that is exciting but somewhat more stressful. Did I mention that my allergies have been flaring up lately? I've got a smidgen of a headache, a bit of body aches -- although that could also be from the all-day reherasal -- and hopefully I will get to sleep early tonight. 

I went to my second wedding reception of the week. Crazy! June is a popular month to get married, and I'm happy for my two friends who have tied the knot this week. The first reception had a gelato cart for while we waited in line, which was a tasty and great idea. Tonight's open house was a crepe bar, which was also quite tasty and fun. I want to do something fun and creative for my guests when I get married, but I also want a fairly inexpensive wedding. Thankfully, that's a pretty achievable goal (if I get married in Utah, especially). And... I've probably got a little while to prepare, so in the end.. yeah, I'm tired of exploring that path of thought. 

I remember the first reception I went to where I wasn't sad to be at someone else's reception. You know, the woes of being single? I think it was about a year ago, and I was so thrilled to realize when I came home that I wasn't subconsciously sad that it wasn't mine or something like that. Receptions are quite enjoyable these days. Plus, its fun to run into old friends who come too and great to see friends get married and be happy. In all honesty, I love seeing other people happy. I had the cheesiest smile at the first reception this week, just seeing how happy my friend was. 

Ok, now I really am tired of talking about weddings and such. I've had some Georgia on my mind this week... Atlanta to be specific. Part of me worries that I'm over-romanticizing things... easy to do with the distance. I suppose the other part of me is simply less than patient. If there's any specific weakness I've discovered about myself, it is that patience doesn't come easily to me. I'm used to being able to work hard for something and achieve my goal. Makes sense... I've danced for twenty years (wow!) and a major part of dance training is that you work hard, train, and achieve certain results. Of course it's not immediate, but you learn about how long it will take you to reach your desired end. Same with piano and practicing, and school and homework. The irony is, I know I need to work on learning patience... but it takes time! 

I like my Book of Mormon. I have a blue one that I used for class my freshman year. I've since kept it as my bedside book and have gone through it several times in the past few years.  During that time I've kept notes, some on post-its but most written in the margins. As I overlap and re-read, I find it fascinating what verses struck me with significance before: which ones don't anymore but I remember why they did; which ones still do and mean the same thing; which ones mean new and deeper things than the first time around. That scripture I put up a few posts ago? I actually wrote a post including that a little over a year ago. That's one of those gems that I think will always mean the same thing today. 

Since I'm on a roll, I guess I'll continue. This goes back to the Georgia on my mind. I came across a blog the other day, which both made me wish Atlanta were not so far away and gave me some food for thought. In that blog, the writer talked about how sometimes they would enter the numbing process, which in turn causes a distancing from the Spirit -- at a time when divine guidance and love is most needed. I've thought a lot over the past few days, trying to evaluate my situation and see if I have inadvertently taken the path of numbness. I'm pretty certain that in some ways I have taken that route. Memories, for example. The actual memories of our time together (meaning former boyfriend), rarely come up. Sometimes I'll have a .... hmm a composite memory? Something general that encompasses emotions of the time but isn't specific to a certain event or anything. I think that's been a coping mechanism. As time has passed that tendency has faded. But so have the frequency of the memories. And they're not emotionally difficult (generally) anymore. 

Why? Well I hope it's because I've been striving to rely on the Lord, trust His plan, and move forward. I have been extremely determined to move forward, no looking back. It's amazing to me that that has actually happened. I have come back into my own... perhaps even more strong and confident in myself than I was for most of the year. 

• I'm outgoing again. I'm making more of a point to make friends in the ward and be involved and fun when there are activities. One of my friends from early last year even commented how I had sort of "checked out" for a while and that I'm back now. 
• My testimony is stronger than ever, and deeper too, I think. 
• Perhaps for the first time, I don't care that I'm graduating (again) next year and am not married. I vividly recall my senior year, thinking that my time was running out and that if something didn't happen by the time I graduated, it never would. I'm not sure if that's a good example.... basically I just don't think my life will end at graduation. 

Ok, I'm tired now. This will surely be ridiculously long. I apologize to anyone who read through the end.... I guess this was mostly for my benefit. Like I said (or maybe I didn't actually say it? but I meant to...)  I like writing.