October in Recap

• My first full month working again
• Got paid for the first time at my new job!
• Bought my first mattress set
• Moved to south Salt Lake City
• Began rehearsals for two different dance performances
• Met new friends and went on many dates (1+ per week)
• Fell in like and unlike with a lawyer
• Fell in like and unlike with a business student (who gave me a bald spot one night)
• Realized that my warning sensors are actually very finely tuned regarding relationships... I just need to tune into them and accept what they're telling me
• Saw "Dracula" the ballet, and bought tickets to see Savion Glover (whopee!)
• Still living out of suitcases (since I moved in mid-August)
• Attended the temple at least once (didn't realize what a blessing unemployment was to allow me time to go every week!)
• Took zero pictures
• Discovered the glories of Hire's burgers
• Babysat cute niece and nephew in NSL
• Missed cute niece and nephew in Springville
• Went to a single's ward. Ew. Depressing. If I'm 31 and single, I'm going to a family ward. 
• Saw "Footloose" and fell in love with the lead male. HOT!

I think it's fair to say that I'm happy October is over. It was extremely topsy-turvy, especially with dating. I think that all the stress, change and instability made me quick to see stability in the 1-2 guys who seemed promising and showed interest. For better or worse. Such is life, and I simply do my best. I spent much of last week battling anxiety and tears... and last night opened a good floodgate and channel of heavenward communication. Emotionally speaking, today was great! School is still hard a lot of the time, especially when it requires your best no matter how you feel. Despite feeling better internally, class didn't go as well as I might have hoped. Oh well, they'll be back tomorrow. But I'm very thankful to have my heart and head back in alignment. It's a tender mercy. Well, I need to finish lesson plans for tonight, get ready for a Halloween party, and all that jazz. I promise to finish my treatise on Halloween and Carnival very soon. Perhaps tomorrow night? I do miss writing about intellectual topics. I'm one of those school nerds that really enjoyed writing research papers. I really do want to get back into the college field one day. Anyways, fun calls!

Sabbath Morning

There was a time when I was much more vigilant about reading conference talks on a consistent basis. My new ward doesn't meet until 1pm, and since I can't sleep in much later than 8:30 these days, that left me a lot of time to think this morning. And read. I should have spent more time reading, I imagine, but..... oh well. I did manage to make my way over to LDS.org for some inspiration. The new conference issue is available! A quick scan of talk titles quickly revealed which one I needed to read: You Matter to Him, by President Uchtdorf. The weeks and months since early August have been a long string of uncertainty, change, and newness. I like change. I thrive in that environment, even. But the big life changes often carry significant stress and anxiety. I've woken up many a time at 4 or 5 am, fully awake and filled with a sense of... expectancy? Uncertainty? Anxiety, most likely. Not having a home. Not having a job. Moving to a new home. Interviewing for jobs. Not getting jobs. Getting a job! Starting a job by diving headfirst with minimal preparation.... Dating. Not dating. Finding my way in new social settings. Making new friends. Missing old friends. I am generally emotionally-stable and can handle a large amount of stress without many negative effects. But it definitely has been building up. So, with my internal reserves wearing thin this week, I found these final words particularly encouraging and applicable. 

"...please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him.²¹Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.

Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”²²

Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love.

God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him." 

What a blessing, to know you matter to God. If He cares for me, the other things don't matter quite as much. He'll take care of me. He has in the past. I have been richly blessed in so many ways, and if I can just keep my perspective and be firm in my commitments and covenants, I know I will be blessed continually. 

Lessons Learning

So my dad would write my missionary brothers each week on their missions. Having never served, I sometimes envied them for the contact and attention they got. I love my dad and we have good talks, but I generally talk to my mom when I call home. So a few years ago we struck a plan to improve our communication across the distance and busy lives we lead. Every so often (and generally when they're most needed personally) my dad sends me a thought of the day. Truly, many of them have come at inspired moments. The other ones are great reminders of his love, and help me consider my day and activities. 


For example, this week my dad sent me a quote by Galileo. 

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.   -Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer (1564-1642)

This week part of our math lessons involved learning the names of lines: horizontal, vertical, and oblique. A very smart teacher would find ways to incorporate those terms during other lessons throughout the day. It took one of my students to make me realize this. We were doing editing marks in grammar and she said to put an oblique line through the letter (a slash to show the capital letter should be lowercase). Brilliant!! I was thrilled with her answer and used her example for myself, to then incorporate those terms the rest of the day. Obviously, I know way more than a 6 year old. I can talk about all sorts of crazy theories and concepts. But it took my student to help me see how to weave my curriculum together for my students. Everyone has something to teach us. 

Thanks for that reminder, Dad! 

Not blogging

I'm fairly certain that it's a good thing I haven't finished the last blog post I was working on. It makes me feel like I can't write more until I complete it. Obviously not stopping me right now but...  It's going to be a really awesome treatment of modern Halloween and its connection to the beginnings of opera in Venice around the 1500's. And Carnival. I promise that it makes total sense... or it will once I get my thoughts finished. I started it on Friday after finishing teaching and I guess all those 6 yr olds just drained my mental faculties enough that I couldn't finish. But it really is a great concept, and I know you're all dying to read it. 


If I were to waste time tonight and blog when I should finish my other, more educated and enlightening post, I might comment on how I am legitimately starting to like my job. I might also comment on how many dates I've gone on lately, and how surprising most of them have been. I could add a sidenote about how I really am an intellectual snob (of sorts) and that I don't think I will ever change that for dating purposes. Nope. I'm 25 and have a master's degree. What have you done? Hint: if you're male and over the age of 26, the answer should be along the lines of "I graduated with a bachelor's and am interested in furthering my career/education."  I might also share a personal anecdote of how I felt like the 5 foolish virgins the other day when I went to the temple, but you'll have to ask me in person to see if I'll tell you that one. I might also mention that I'm moving to a new area (Cottonwood Heights/Fort Union) and how most days I'm fairly convinced I will not marry for.... well a long time at the very least. It's that last part that I'm trying not to blog about. People like positivity, and while I'm not upset about that sense I have, it's not exactly a rainbow and ponies statement. 


And that's what I might blog about, if I had finished that last amazingly intelligent and erudite treatise on Halloween. Which I haven't. Which is why I'm not blogging tonight. 

Mi confessio

I need to be interesting in my titles. My current inspirations are 6 year olds and their lesson plans. Not all that creative. So I apologize up front for the rather obvious nature of my title. And whatever other lack of creativity you may be about to encounter. 

All hail to Lisbon, the famed port of Portugal which taught and launched many a seafaring adventurer, including Cristobal Colon (Christopher Columbus). While Spain funded him, he got all his mariner training from the Portuguese. I think he may even be depicted on this massive monument in Lisbon. And controversial though he may be, he did do what others had not thought of before. It was easy once he showed them the way, but he blazed the trail.

That's not really why I started writing tonight. I'm writing for emotion. Much as I am very happy to be in a new city, working a new job, and living with awesome "roommates," it has been an emotional journey. Wards here are not like the ones at BYU. My friends are either in Provo/Orem, or they're married. I literally can count on one hand the number of real friends I've made up here so far. (I'm trying, too. But sincere friendships aren't just a dime a dozen.) Being single  may not be so oppressive on Friday nights, they way I often felt in Provo, but it's no picnic here either. I committed the cardinal dating sin and got excited for my last date. It's a sure-fire recipe for disappointment. The date wasn't bad or anything, but it didn't end how I thought/hoped it might. He may still call, but I can't tell. Hence, you should never get excited for a date. Many nights I go to bed sad, wondering when that opportunity will come my way... what I need to do in the meantime... Tonight, though, I've passed enough time that I should really get to sleep. 

For what it's worth, I bought a new pair of jeans the other day. Skinny jeans. In a smaller size than I thought would fit. Bam. They look good. 

And I'm going to see Savion Glover in November. Double Bam!

Gifts for teacher

One young boy in my class gave me my first gift of teaching. He said "Ms. Burgin?  You make me feel good inside." 


It's a job with few worldly accolades, but of the things that matter most, teaching ranks pretty high. Moments like this one remind me of that. 

Edelwiess

I auditioned tonight for a special pointe dance number in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert. Despite not having had formal pointe training for something like 10 years (give or take a year here and there) I figured I might do all right. For what it's worth, I did stay through the whole audition. For the bow, the pianist played "Edelweiss" and it seemed to me that I saw my unfulfilled dream of performing on pointe finally wing its way into the land of rest. Some things don't come back around, I guess. At age 25, I'm far beyond the peak of my ballet dancing days, and I'm even on the wrong side of the age spectrum for many professional ballet dancers who are actually trained and amazing in their craft. I tried, though. I've got the blister to prove it. And now I can humbly move forward with the dance talents I do still have. And perhaps one day in the eternities, I'll get that chance that has evaded me in this life. 

And the band played on...

It was a great weekend: amazing football game with the win against Utah State, General Conference, lots of family time, and an awesome singles outing to a cabin. I loved it. School today even went quite well, and I think I'm on my way to getting into a good groove. But, as we all know, the good comes with the not so good. And I guess that's what's on my mind at the moment.


You know you've had one too many bad relationships when you get anxious after meeting just one guy who could meet your standards. 


Lest that sound like I just met a guy, let me be clear that I have met other guys lately and gone on dates lately. It's not just falling for the first guy, it's meeting someone that you actually click with. That's rare. I mean, there were moments when we both made the same comment at the same moment! Rare. But I feel anxious. Which is stupid, because ... well for a number of reasons.  Just because it is ridiculous doesn't mean it isn't so, though. Thankfully school is consuming enough that I don't have time to think of other things during the day. And I'm sure that most of this will pass in a day or two, maybe a week. Why? Oh, because he's probably not interested. It won't take long for that to be clear and I'll get over it and go back to being satisfied with my singleness. It's a whole lot safer there, for sure. 


Anyways. That's all. I know something good will come. It's a promise, one that's sure to come true. I do know that. But getting there, like getting anywhere good, is not always the easiest thing. 


God will bless the broken road that's leading me to you. (PS- feel free to walk faster)