Merry Christmas

Though home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit answered to, in strongest conjuration.

Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

I like that thought. There is no better feeling than being home with my family for Christmas!! We've had so much fun ringing things in with our usual Christmas Eve traditions, and we even added a few new games/activities to the list! Have you ever tried unwrapping a gift wearing gloves? How about unwrapping a gift layered in several rounds of packing tape, wrapping paper, boxes, and bags? Oh yeah, it rocked! 

One other thing that has rocked this Christmas is.. well Santa. I honestly only wanted one thing this Christmas, and it just isn't something anyone can buy me. Or even help me obtain. It doesn't run on schedules and desired timetables. But somebody must have caught wind of my wish. Because the past week has been an awesomely surprising adventure that I never saw coming. I didn't even realize some of it was even possible!! (Me talk on the phone for four hours?? And hang up only because it's so late I'm starting to mumble and drool?) I don't know what it all means, but there is a minuscule possibility that my Christmas wish is in the process of coming true. I'm excited to wait and see! 

When you doubt:

"Never let anyone take away your dreams. Every challenge you face will only help you achieve your dream, even if it breaks your heart at the time. The Lord loves you, and in His time He will give you every good gift. I love you, always and forever. Never forget that you are loved." 

Fine, how are you?

It was a cold and foggy night. The arctic breeze nipped at the bare legs of a dancer clad in shorts, a light sweatshirt, and sequined flats. Where was her coat? In her car. Why didn't she get in her car and drive home? 


She locked her keys in her car. In the pocket of the jacket she decided she didn't really need. The coat that she locked in her car. A mistake she didn't realize until the end of rehearsal, thus eliminating any chance that her spare key would drive from Springville to save the day. Not at 9:30 at night. 


And that is why, on a cold and foggy night, a shivering cold dancer paid and arm and a leg for a man to take his sweet time to drive out, spend 2 minutes unlocking the car, then 8 more charging her for it. 


In other news, you should come watch her dance this week at the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas Concert! It will be spectacular! 


(Just don't have her think outside of the normal routine, unless you don't care about your keys!) 

Cool Art

One day I will teach Humanities again, and this will be a cool thing to talk about! Interesting, isn't it, how so much in life is all about perspective?

Pretty

I like this picture. I took this picture. One day I may even be good at photography. Until then, I like the lucky shots I get. 

Oh. And despite leaving school early for a stomach bug, I definitely spent another 5+ hours of today working on grades. Haven't even touched lesson plans yet. Ick. Sometimes school is not worth the work. At least I got to watch Robin Hood while doing it. 

Building Projects

At 25, nearing yet another birthday, I believe I have proved that I have limited use for a man in my life. My latest reason? Building stuff. Men are generally attributed to be the handy ones, their engineering minds able to masterfully change piles of wood and screws into fine pieces of furniture. Well you know what? I can do it too! I built all my furniture and mounted a mirror on my wall, too! I still have to mount pictures, but... one step at a time. It's taken me rather a while to get things put together to this level. 

Latest Addition: full-length mirror

Early November: assembling my first piece of furniture, a nightstand

Nightstand in progress

Looking better!

All done with nightstand number one!

And my room looks cleaner already

Ahh, the penguins on the wall. And my slipshod attempt at making my bed. And all the boxes... This was my life for like 2 weeks. I am really happy that things are coming together more now!

Yeah. More penguins. They're gone now. Lots of boxes and still living out of suitcases. 

Messy!!! Need to build the dresser. Mid-November

Setting up for the big project: the dresser!

It looks slightly more organized, right? 

So many pieces to put together. 

Main body complete: time for the back and the drawers.

Back in place, dresser in place! It took between 1-2 hours to get to this point... the drawers took another 1-2 hours, though. Despite the late night, it was worth it!

Done! Time to fill it up and tidy the room. 

My nice drawers. One reason I bought Ikea furniture new, rather than get older stuff, was because I really like drawers that glide properly. I am happy to report that the drawers of my handiwork glide perfectly! 

You can see the top drawer is split into two. 

And these guys... well they took our big TV off the wall downstairs so we could put it in the entertainment room. The flashing person is one of them falling down after pulling on the cables to get them out of the wall. That whole fiasco was HILARIOUS!! I may not need guys to build my furniture or mount my mirrors, but they make great entertainment and assistance with electronics!

Night In - Soliloquy

A man dies as often as he loses his friends.

Francis Bacon(1561-1626)

I've gotten to do plenty of thinking lately... thinking about choices I've made in life. How the outcomes work themselves into intriguing shapes and important lessons. For example: I'm dancing at the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas Concert this year. I randomly saw an audition posting in September and decided to give it a shot, not having a clue where I would really be come December. (I did figure that I'd still be in Utah.) It went great! I made it, got to add some rehearsals to my weeks, and started meeting people in the area. It's been a very rewarding experience so far, even if it makes for extremely long days now that I have a job. That was a good choice. Even more interesting to me, though, is the choice my mom made about 21 years ago. She put me in my first ballet class. Over two decades later, I've danced all over the world in all sorts of venues doing all types of dance. In a few weeks I will add to my resume the massively huge Conference Center, where I will end up dead front and center in front of everyone.
Wow. I'm glad I had Folk Dance and the Marriott Center performances to prep me for big audiences. And to teach me to perform to the top row in the way back, not the illustrious figures in the front rows. It's the ones in the back that really deserve your absolute best: it takes the most effort to get your energy to reach all the way to them. 

An interesting tangent to that thought and my staging (which was mostly a happenstance thing) is that the girls dancing around me are several years younger than me. As in, I've danced longer than they have been alive and breathing on this beautiful earth. Sure, they started dancing at age 3. But I was dancing before they even made it through the veil. Sometimes I truly relish those thoughts, acknowledging the dedication and work that has gone into my dancing. A lot of those choices have been mine. But I'm forever indebted to my mom for making the first brilliant decision that started my feet dancing. 

Well, I've definitely strayed from the original quote by Sir Francis Bacon. But I wanted to do a positive thought first. His quote points out the importance of friends in ones life. Having moved recently in a bigger way than the past 7 years of moving, I have become acutely aware of the dynamics of friendships. They truly do so much in making a place feel like a home. In making life feel full. In promoting mental and emotional stability. Looking back over my college years, there are thankfully few times that I can say I literally "lost" friends. There was one watershed event before my senior year that did a lot towards unearthing those who were my real friends and those who were acquaintances. That was a rough time. But other than that, I have been blessed to have many wonderful friendships grow and develop. A lot of them I left in Provo when I moved away. And it's just not the same in Salt Lake. Probably the biggest reason is because I'm not in school anymore, which significantly changes the social dynamics. I've wondered lately if I really made the right choice in leaving Provo. I think I did need a break, but sometimes I very much miss my dear friends there. 

I sometimes wonder if I made the best choice when I decided to be a 1st grade teacher. Well, not that I even decided! I merely accepted the offer that was almost thrust upon me. Is it going to be a fulfilling career? It's definitely not one where I'll make major social connections and potentially find a spouse. (Not that marriage should be a consideration in work, but I work, yet again, primarily with females. That's all I'm saying.) I often feel like I have to verbalize my significance, qualify the statement that I teach 1st grade, as if that makes me not good enough. Who gets a Masters in Humanities to teach 6 year olds?? I always felt like being a teacher was more of a calling than a career and I admired those who went into that profession. But I just don't see myself as being all that special now that it's me being the teacher. 

I sometimes wonder if it was even right to move out of my grandparents' basement! I truly enjoyed living with them. I talked to them more than I talk to my roommates now, probably. It felt so homey with them. The spirit was always present, and when that's in a home it makes it extremely comforting. Most places I've lived I've felt the spirit there, but it's different when you're with a married couple. Visiting married friends, family of course... it seems more tangible. Probably because the household is extremely united, not a temporary fixture of disparate parts. (I know, waxing loquacious here with big words.) As long as my room feels comfortable, I know I'm doing what I need to to have a spiritual tone. But it's so much nicer when it pervades the house. I feel like I should have done more to show my grandparents how much I appreciated living with them. I left while they were out of town and then I was very busy getting re-settled and with school.... 

Well, you can't live a life of regrets. That's not living at all. I'm not sure where these choices will lead me: leaving Provo, being an elementary school teacher, moving out with roommates again. Moving to south Salt Lake rather than downtown like I had envisioned. Changing wards right when I had started getting into my last one. Moving away from an area where some boys were interested in me. I'm not sure if it was me or the new location that deterred them so efficiently. Now I wonder again if I'll ever meet anyone that fits the basic bill, let alone could be considered "great." The older I get, the more I realize that the great guys figured out they should marry a few years ago. The ones that are left.... in fairness some great guys exist in the older ages. But they are a rare find. It's like panning for gold in a river full of pyrite. 

Well, I meant to post pictures of the furniture I built. But apparently I needed to type. I miss writing papers. I miss typing words and saying important things for people to care about. Granted, only my teachers really cared about those essays, but... it was something. It was intellectual. And I really enjoy typing. And writing. Expressing myself through the written word and being intelligent in the process. I was one of those students that generally enjoyed writing research papers. I don't think I'll ever want to stop learning more. 

I do imagine though, dear reader, that you are ready to stop reading. I'm sure this is quite lengthy by now, and it really is just my own personal musings. I suppose I'll stop there and get ready for my big long day of rehearsals tomorrow. It starts at 8:30am and probably won't end until 11-12 hours later. And at least 6-8 of those hours will be full-on dancing. I think I'll pull a bath-n-book tonight to help prepare. Sleep might be more useful, but it's less of a sensory experience; and while my body may be tired, my brain is quite awake still. 

And there you have it. You made it to the end!! 

Teaser

This is just a short teaser of a longer post to come, as time is waning tonight. I just got back from seeing SAVION GLOVER!!!! He is arguably the best tap dancer ever, and after seeing him dance tonight I surely can see why! His style is effervescent, earthy, and humble. His grasp and play with rhythms is incredible. And his foot speed? Mind-boggling. Literally. I also loved the other tap guy who danced with him tonight... I forget his name at the moment but he's got Jr. at the end so I'll call him Junior for now. Junior is older. He is amazing! He created incredible sound paintings by altering his tone and timbre. At one point I felt like I was listening to him dance a rain storm! But this is a teaser... I'll have to elaborate more when I'm not so tired. 


Loved seeing old tap friends there! Two of my good good tap friends were there and I haven't seen them in ages! They're both cute mommies now of even cuter baby girls. Love them. I also got to visit a good folk dance friend (who I still get to see thanks to Clog America) and partake of delicious Guru's sweet potato fries and Marco Polo pasta. It's LOADED with garlic. :) 


Visited with my little bro for a few minutes. Literally. He's a busy guy! Talked with another great friend and may or may not have actually said that I miss Provo. Saw a random guy who took me out before but then wasn't interested because there was another girl on his radar at the time. Eh. He has kinda big lips anyways. It never would have worked. 


Time for sleep. I'm nodding off writing this!  Coming soon: more Savion details. Pictures of the furniture I built ALL BY MYSELF. No man required. And.... that's all I can think of. Need sleep. 

Gee Whiz

I had thought of going country dancing tonight. Alas, my roommates who usually go are busy with other activities. And for some strange reason I lost all desire to dance tonight. (Unrelated to roommates not going.) 


I spent way too many hours last night working on lesson plans. Granted, I'm done and somewhat ahead. I hope it's worth it. I spent way too many hours today grading stupid little math tests and dumb paragraphs. Granted, some paragraphs showed good creativity and perhaps better compositional value than some I ran across in college but.... Too much time on something relatively insignificant. 


I read an article on Christo, a sculptor/installation artist who is donating some of his collages to the Smithsonian. I miss thinking and talking about big theoretical concepts and art and production and elements of design. I miss college. I miss teaching college, mostly. Given my mood tonight, I'm just going to set my 1st grade class aside and not really comment on them. They deserve better than they would get tonight, because it is a good experience to teach them and even enjoyable at times. But I really miss being around intellectuals. Having a reason to discuss smart things. Knowing people will understand my obscure references. I'm fairly well-convinced that my time in elementary education will be only a stepping-stone... perhaps to Ph.D. work or Ed.D work leading to a job in higher education. I don't think I empathize with kids very well, nieces and nephews excluded. But my students? Half the time they annoy me. The other half they are tolerable. Rarely they have moments where I get warm fuzzies. It's not about me, I know. But still. 


Basically, I'm just tired of spending so much of my time on stupid things. And not having a social life in Salt Lake, because I moved from a ward I had just started getting settled into (somewhat). And my  new ward????? I dare not comment on such a public and permanent forum. 


I think it's time for me to just go sulk in my bathtub with my Kindle. I mean soak. My feet are cold because I haven't really unpacked my socks because I haven't built my dresser because there isn't really room because I still have things in boxes and suitcases because there isn't a dresser to fill up yet.... And it will help me forget that I was (at one point today) looking forward to cutting a rug with some country moves. Who needs dance when you can finish grading paragraphs???  

Halloween, the modern day opera

Halloween is just around the corner, with everything that entails. In modern times, it seems like the holiday has morphed into something beyond itself. Halloween these days, especially for LDS college-age youth, is more like the Carnival celebrations of the early 1500's than a celebration of the deceased. 


Carnival, particularly as it was celebrated in Venice, allowed the people to take a reprieve from their standard lives. The two week celebration directly preceded Lent, giving the Catholic population a legitimate release from their strict moral codes. It was a time that truly exemplified the phrase "eat, drink, and be merry." 


Opera extended this concept of Carnival by opening the stage as a new forum, free of the stringent rules of daily life. Characters there could act out their roles, which many times involved plot lines that veered from strict moral codes of the day. Like Carnival, this was not seen as subversive at all. By allowing the people a way to alleviate social tensions and escape, even in limited fashion, the mores of their day, social and moral order could be more easily attained during the other 21 hours of the day. 


How does modern-day Halloween rate into this, though? Well, looking primarily at college-aged populations in Utah, it appears that Halloween has become the innocuous chamber where regular rules and standards no longer apply and cavorting frivolity is the order of the day. When is it acceptable to dress up in what amounts to lingerie and parade around in public? If you're not a Victoria Secret model, that opportunity doesn't really exist. However, some seem to think that because you're dressing up in a "costume" for a party, you can throw all moral and social codes out the window. Men and women kowtow to their carnal natures and embrace the night, pushing the limits as much as they can. The next morning they wake up and go to church as if their actions the previous night fit right in line with the guidelines they know and agree to follow. 


Obviously, this is just one case-study. Many comparable students have very little to do with this type of hypocrisy, which I appreciate and commend. But for those that take Halloween as an excuse to "be bad," I feel they are no more enlightened than those of yesteryear who needed special holidays and entertainments to get a break from reality. Adherence to truth doesn't admit such frailties as these, and I believe that honesty is key in all our interactions with ourselves, others, and God. 


And that is why I don't care much for Halloween and how it has become in some ways the modern-day equivalent of early Venetian opera. 


PS. Sorry this is post-Halloween. Life happened. 

Diversity Day

That sounds like the title to an episode of  The Office.... Today in class we read a Persian folk tale. Three brothers are rug weavers and the prince of Persia has to marry the princess of Bagdad (their spelling, not mine) and he runs a competition for rugs... long story short, the brothers argue over who makes the best contribution (dyeing, designing, or weaving) and should get the prize. They finally realize they must all work together, not be selfish. Alone they are breakable like sticks, but united they can do much more!! (Go Processing Center!) Okay, obscure personal references aside, today was eye-opening. One of my students excitedly raised her hand and proclaimed that she is Persian! What?? Never would have guessed, although having seen her mom I knew she had some foreign ancestry. Persian. Now, my class of 26 is pretty diverse, so I asked how many of them, besides my Persian who speaks Persian (Farsi?) and German, spoke different languages. 


All but about 3 raised their hands. 3/26. One knows Egyptian. Another knows Russian. Urdu. Tamil. Mandarin. German. Spanish (this was the answer I got from a few of my white students). I didn't even have time to poll everyone. The other cool thing? Well besides having an extremely diverse class, I can say hi to most of them in their own language. Except Egyptian. And Farsi. And maybe a few others I haven't uncovered yet. But..... I said most, not all. Bam. Win for my students for being awesome. 

October in Recap

• My first full month working again
• Got paid for the first time at my new job!
• Bought my first mattress set
• Moved to south Salt Lake City
• Began rehearsals for two different dance performances
• Met new friends and went on many dates (1+ per week)
• Fell in like and unlike with a lawyer
• Fell in like and unlike with a business student (who gave me a bald spot one night)
• Realized that my warning sensors are actually very finely tuned regarding relationships... I just need to tune into them and accept what they're telling me
• Saw "Dracula" the ballet, and bought tickets to see Savion Glover (whopee!)
• Still living out of suitcases (since I moved in mid-August)
• Attended the temple at least once (didn't realize what a blessing unemployment was to allow me time to go every week!)
• Took zero pictures
• Discovered the glories of Hire's burgers
• Babysat cute niece and nephew in NSL
• Missed cute niece and nephew in Springville
• Went to a single's ward. Ew. Depressing. If I'm 31 and single, I'm going to a family ward. 
• Saw "Footloose" and fell in love with the lead male. HOT!

I think it's fair to say that I'm happy October is over. It was extremely topsy-turvy, especially with dating. I think that all the stress, change and instability made me quick to see stability in the 1-2 guys who seemed promising and showed interest. For better or worse. Such is life, and I simply do my best. I spent much of last week battling anxiety and tears... and last night opened a good floodgate and channel of heavenward communication. Emotionally speaking, today was great! School is still hard a lot of the time, especially when it requires your best no matter how you feel. Despite feeling better internally, class didn't go as well as I might have hoped. Oh well, they'll be back tomorrow. But I'm very thankful to have my heart and head back in alignment. It's a tender mercy. Well, I need to finish lesson plans for tonight, get ready for a Halloween party, and all that jazz. I promise to finish my treatise on Halloween and Carnival very soon. Perhaps tomorrow night? I do miss writing about intellectual topics. I'm one of those school nerds that really enjoyed writing research papers. I really do want to get back into the college field one day. Anyways, fun calls!

Sabbath Morning

There was a time when I was much more vigilant about reading conference talks on a consistent basis. My new ward doesn't meet until 1pm, and since I can't sleep in much later than 8:30 these days, that left me a lot of time to think this morning. And read. I should have spent more time reading, I imagine, but..... oh well. I did manage to make my way over to LDS.org for some inspiration. The new conference issue is available! A quick scan of talk titles quickly revealed which one I needed to read: You Matter to Him, by President Uchtdorf. The weeks and months since early August have been a long string of uncertainty, change, and newness. I like change. I thrive in that environment, even. But the big life changes often carry significant stress and anxiety. I've woken up many a time at 4 or 5 am, fully awake and filled with a sense of... expectancy? Uncertainty? Anxiety, most likely. Not having a home. Not having a job. Moving to a new home. Interviewing for jobs. Not getting jobs. Getting a job! Starting a job by diving headfirst with minimal preparation.... Dating. Not dating. Finding my way in new social settings. Making new friends. Missing old friends. I am generally emotionally-stable and can handle a large amount of stress without many negative effects. But it definitely has been building up. So, with my internal reserves wearing thin this week, I found these final words particularly encouraging and applicable. 

"...please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him.²¹Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.

Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”²²

Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love.

God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him." 

What a blessing, to know you matter to God. If He cares for me, the other things don't matter quite as much. He'll take care of me. He has in the past. I have been richly blessed in so many ways, and if I can just keep my perspective and be firm in my commitments and covenants, I know I will be blessed continually. 

Lessons Learning

So my dad would write my missionary brothers each week on their missions. Having never served, I sometimes envied them for the contact and attention they got. I love my dad and we have good talks, but I generally talk to my mom when I call home. So a few years ago we struck a plan to improve our communication across the distance and busy lives we lead. Every so often (and generally when they're most needed personally) my dad sends me a thought of the day. Truly, many of them have come at inspired moments. The other ones are great reminders of his love, and help me consider my day and activities. 


For example, this week my dad sent me a quote by Galileo. 

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.   -Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer (1564-1642)

This week part of our math lessons involved learning the names of lines: horizontal, vertical, and oblique. A very smart teacher would find ways to incorporate those terms during other lessons throughout the day. It took one of my students to make me realize this. We were doing editing marks in grammar and she said to put an oblique line through the letter (a slash to show the capital letter should be lowercase). Brilliant!! I was thrilled with her answer and used her example for myself, to then incorporate those terms the rest of the day. Obviously, I know way more than a 6 year old. I can talk about all sorts of crazy theories and concepts. But it took my student to help me see how to weave my curriculum together for my students. Everyone has something to teach us. 

Thanks for that reminder, Dad! 

Not blogging

I'm fairly certain that it's a good thing I haven't finished the last blog post I was working on. It makes me feel like I can't write more until I complete it. Obviously not stopping me right now but...  It's going to be a really awesome treatment of modern Halloween and its connection to the beginnings of opera in Venice around the 1500's. And Carnival. I promise that it makes total sense... or it will once I get my thoughts finished. I started it on Friday after finishing teaching and I guess all those 6 yr olds just drained my mental faculties enough that I couldn't finish. But it really is a great concept, and I know you're all dying to read it. 


If I were to waste time tonight and blog when I should finish my other, more educated and enlightening post, I might comment on how I am legitimately starting to like my job. I might also comment on how many dates I've gone on lately, and how surprising most of them have been. I could add a sidenote about how I really am an intellectual snob (of sorts) and that I don't think I will ever change that for dating purposes. Nope. I'm 25 and have a master's degree. What have you done? Hint: if you're male and over the age of 26, the answer should be along the lines of "I graduated with a bachelor's and am interested in furthering my career/education."  I might also share a personal anecdote of how I felt like the 5 foolish virgins the other day when I went to the temple, but you'll have to ask me in person to see if I'll tell you that one. I might also mention that I'm moving to a new area (Cottonwood Heights/Fort Union) and how most days I'm fairly convinced I will not marry for.... well a long time at the very least. It's that last part that I'm trying not to blog about. People like positivity, and while I'm not upset about that sense I have, it's not exactly a rainbow and ponies statement. 


And that's what I might blog about, if I had finished that last amazingly intelligent and erudite treatise on Halloween. Which I haven't. Which is why I'm not blogging tonight. 

Mi confessio

I need to be interesting in my titles. My current inspirations are 6 year olds and their lesson plans. Not all that creative. So I apologize up front for the rather obvious nature of my title. And whatever other lack of creativity you may be about to encounter. 

All hail to Lisbon, the famed port of Portugal which taught and launched many a seafaring adventurer, including Cristobal Colon (Christopher Columbus). While Spain funded him, he got all his mariner training from the Portuguese. I think he may even be depicted on this massive monument in Lisbon. And controversial though he may be, he did do what others had not thought of before. It was easy once he showed them the way, but he blazed the trail.

That's not really why I started writing tonight. I'm writing for emotion. Much as I am very happy to be in a new city, working a new job, and living with awesome "roommates," it has been an emotional journey. Wards here are not like the ones at BYU. My friends are either in Provo/Orem, or they're married. I literally can count on one hand the number of real friends I've made up here so far. (I'm trying, too. But sincere friendships aren't just a dime a dozen.) Being single  may not be so oppressive on Friday nights, they way I often felt in Provo, but it's no picnic here either. I committed the cardinal dating sin and got excited for my last date. It's a sure-fire recipe for disappointment. The date wasn't bad or anything, but it didn't end how I thought/hoped it might. He may still call, but I can't tell. Hence, you should never get excited for a date. Many nights I go to bed sad, wondering when that opportunity will come my way... what I need to do in the meantime... Tonight, though, I've passed enough time that I should really get to sleep. 

For what it's worth, I bought a new pair of jeans the other day. Skinny jeans. In a smaller size than I thought would fit. Bam. They look good. 

And I'm going to see Savion Glover in November. Double Bam!

Gifts for teacher

One young boy in my class gave me my first gift of teaching. He said "Ms. Burgin?  You make me feel good inside." 


It's a job with few worldly accolades, but of the things that matter most, teaching ranks pretty high. Moments like this one remind me of that. 

Edelwiess

I auditioned tonight for a special pointe dance number in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert. Despite not having had formal pointe training for something like 10 years (give or take a year here and there) I figured I might do all right. For what it's worth, I did stay through the whole audition. For the bow, the pianist played "Edelweiss" and it seemed to me that I saw my unfulfilled dream of performing on pointe finally wing its way into the land of rest. Some things don't come back around, I guess. At age 25, I'm far beyond the peak of my ballet dancing days, and I'm even on the wrong side of the age spectrum for many professional ballet dancers who are actually trained and amazing in their craft. I tried, though. I've got the blister to prove it. And now I can humbly move forward with the dance talents I do still have. And perhaps one day in the eternities, I'll get that chance that has evaded me in this life. 

And the band played on...

It was a great weekend: amazing football game with the win against Utah State, General Conference, lots of family time, and an awesome singles outing to a cabin. I loved it. School today even went quite well, and I think I'm on my way to getting into a good groove. But, as we all know, the good comes with the not so good. And I guess that's what's on my mind at the moment.


You know you've had one too many bad relationships when you get anxious after meeting just one guy who could meet your standards. 


Lest that sound like I just met a guy, let me be clear that I have met other guys lately and gone on dates lately. It's not just falling for the first guy, it's meeting someone that you actually click with. That's rare. I mean, there were moments when we both made the same comment at the same moment! Rare. But I feel anxious. Which is stupid, because ... well for a number of reasons.  Just because it is ridiculous doesn't mean it isn't so, though. Thankfully school is consuming enough that I don't have time to think of other things during the day. And I'm sure that most of this will pass in a day or two, maybe a week. Why? Oh, because he's probably not interested. It won't take long for that to be clear and I'll get over it and go back to being satisfied with my singleness. It's a whole lot safer there, for sure. 


Anyways. That's all. I know something good will come. It's a promise, one that's sure to come true. I do know that. But getting there, like getting anywhere good, is not always the easiest thing. 


God will bless the broken road that's leading me to you. (PS- feel free to walk faster)

Confession

I have a problem.


I am obsessed with books. 


It's a good thing that I have a Kindle so I can feed my obsession at minimal cost, aka none. The free collections are my saving grace. Admittedly, some of the promotional items lack literary value, but many are quite good and make for great, quick escape reads. And the classics? Well, those are my joy anyways! 


I binged again today. "Bought" more books. 


I have over 100 books on my Kindle by now, and I'm sure at least half have not been read. But that's okay. They'll get read eventually. Until then, I will keep splurging on Amazon Kindle books every few times a month. 


Books are good for you. 


Read them.


Binge wisely. 


:)

National Family Day

Apparently, today is National Family Day. I like that... I have a pretty awesome family, you see. My mom emailed me and helped make my day better, after a tougher weekend. I live with my wonderful grandparents, and it's sort of awesome how much fun we have together. I'm not around quite as much these days, but its still great when we're all together. My great brother Chad took time from his jam-packed day to troubleshoot my "check engine" light, and Michelle fed me yummy waffles. I love visiting them and seeing Carson and Brooklyn! (I'm really good at putting Brooklyn to sleep, too.) If I look back at last month, I had a wonderful time living with Alex, Megan, Ethan, and Natalie while I finished my Provo stint. I miss playing with my kiddos down in Springville! And Mark is just plain awesome. I loved walking around campus with him as I passed the college baton. (He also saw my printed thesis the other day... I haven't even done that yet!! Take a picture please, mom?) Yeah, I've got a pretty great family. Lest my dad think he's not remembered, well, that's just silly. He sends me great thoughts and quotes at those times when I particularly seem to need them. And Elder Jeff keeps up on my life so well for being focused on his mission! He's so positive and I love getting to email with him on Saturdays. There's many more family members who have touched me lately, but I do have to end somewhere and my contacts are starting to adhere to my eyeballs. So I'm out for now. You can look at this pretty picture I played with today. 


PS. The news also said that great teaching is the supreme act of great leadership. As a new teacher, that either makes me feel really awesome, or really apprehensive of all the responsibility. We'll go with the first until I figure it out  :) 

Castle, Lisbon, Portugal

Mirrors

Ever look in the mirror and not really recognize the person looking back? As if you're looking at someone almost you, but not quite? I had that tonight. I'm not sure who was looking back at me... I even took off my glasses to see if that made the difference. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I was ready for bed 3 hours ago, but myself and I looked different from each other, and one almost looked . . . grown up. Hm. Well, grown up or not, a bunch of little kids await me tomorrow so I best hit the sack. Me or whoever is currently inhabiting me, that is. 

Good news minute

Remember, friends, I'm not in Provo anymore. That means this good news minute has nothing to do with engagements, dating, or exams. It has to do with my ...

new job!!

That's right, I'm now a first grade teacher at Challenger School in Salt Lake City. Technically, I'm not a "teacher" yet, but by the end of the month I will be taking over my class of 27-28 students. The school is pretty rigorous, so I don't have much (read: any) latitude in decorating my classroom. Campuses are in California, Utah, Nevada, and maybe another state, and they want uniformity for the students. So, if you go to a 1st grade class in California, then transfer to mine, it will look the same. I didn't become a teacher to decorate, though, so that's not a big deal to me. 

Why did I become an elementary school teacher?? That's a good question, and I'm not sure I have the answer. Obviously, I needed a job. And I have experience teaching, albeit at the college level. And I quite enjoy teaching, on a personal level. If I could make the bookoo bucks at any occupation, I would teach college. If I had desired to teach elementary students, I would have majored in that. For whatever reason I'm unsure of, I felt like teaching was the right step for me to take. I surely prayed, fasted, and attended the temple enough that I trust  the Lord helped me find this position. Whatever happens, I feel like I can make a small difference in the lives of these children. I know they will make a difference in mine, if only to train me how to handle young children! I also get the benefit of being able to continue pursuing my hobbies of dancing and traveling. 

The Lord works in mysterious ways. I don't usually understand the why until long afterwards, if it even comes then. But I do know it is worth it. Now I can focus all my prayers on some unsuspecting young man....... that might take a bit longer than finding a job did!!

Poetry

Poetry on Prezi

Wish me luck.

I am teaching ridiculously smart 1st graders tomorrow. 

Most first graders are just learning how to read. 

I am assured that these students can read quite well. 

Even a poem by Robert Louis Stevenson. 

I just hope I make a good connection with this poem

And how to use patterns to learn about writing. 

Really, wish me luck. 

I'm scared that I'll fail. 

And part of me might be afraid to succeed? 

Liter-at-ure, Litrachur, Littachur

I have never considered myself to be a big quoter. Take movies, for example. Sure, I watch movies and pick up on the funny lines in them. But very rarely do I use movie lines in my general conversations with people; nor do my general conversations trigger thoughts of movies in my mind. I'm even worse with song lyrics because half the time I don't know what the lyrics really say. I listen to the music of the music, not the words of it, generally. But books... well after today I think that I just may be something of a word nerd. 


I had a few instances today where various short phrases triggered thoughts of different literary works in my mind. (Of course, I got interrupted between the time I started blogging and the time I got to these examples, so I only remember the most recent one.) For some reason, I thought that bar exam results were announced today. My brother took the bar exam, so it's sort of a big deal for him to know if he has passed the bar. Despite not being particularly versed in the poem (haha, versed in a poem, haha) I immediately thought of "Crossing the Bar" by Alfred Lord Tennyson. 


Man, I wish I had focused, because this was going to be such a smart little blog entry, and now it's sort of..... odd and short. 


In other news, I have started reading David McCullough's 1776 and I'm pretty sure that I'm already in love with it! And I have some job testing tomorrow and potential interviews with DYNO (submitted a resume to a special contact person). Things are starting to roll... now if only I knew which way they were going!

An Apple for the Teacher?

Well friends, I applied to be a teacher. I know, I thought it was too late this year too!! But a charter/private school in Salt Lake said they're accepting applications so I decided to throw my hat in the ring. I've always said that I'd prefer to teach older students (aka college-age), but maybe I've been limiting my vision. I'm currently waiting to hear back on another job I interviewed for last week. It would be very exciting to work there, and I would be very happy to get an offer. But, I trust that the Lord is guiding my job quest, so if I don't get an offer, then I know that it's not where I need to be. In an effort to pull my life together, I have decided that if that job doesn't work out, I'll contact the local school district and become a substitute teacher! They don't require a teaching certificate; plus, my masters degree and college teaching experience ought to serve as some type of qualification. It's so interesting to see how life morphs from one expected pathway to another unforseen trail. Is there a God? With all that has happened in my life, I think the more appropriate question is, how could there not be?? I'm ever so thankful that He is. 

Reminiscences

Today I happened across some blogs, Facebook updates and pictures, etc that shared the joys of other people: their marriages, their coming babies and so on. While I am confident that my turn will come and it will have been worth the wait, sometimes I wonder what its like. What is it like to be married and attending school? What's it like to have a best friend like that? What is it like to know that you have a family of your own and are bringing a new spirit to this world? What is it like to be engaged? What is it like to be a parent at 25? Some of those experiences, like being married and in school and all that comes with that, I'll never know the answer to. Thankfully, the others I will get answers to eventually, more or less. (Not the parent at 25 one!) Still, days and moments come when I feel like I missed out on something, just a little bit. 


Lest ye think I'm 'woe-is-me' about this, though, I then contemplated the things I have done. Traveling to Europe, for example. (Of course, I then wonder what it's like to travel the world with a husband who loves that as well and.... well, I just hope I find someone who can satisfy my wanderlust.) Reading oodles of books into the wee hours of the night. Performed with numerous dance companies. Danced for over 20 years. Good things; different things. Sometimes it just makes me think. 


I decided to play with Photoshop while I pondered my awesome traveling adventures, and here are the results. I think I'm getting better with this program, at least in editing pictures. I don't know much about photoshopping someone into a picture or layering different photos, but.. baby steps. 

Versailles, France

Known for its opulence, these following pictures reflect some of that French Baroque style and lots of the bright colors that await the eager eye of the traveler. 

Bayonne, France

What would I give for some legit European chocolate?? Feel free to send some my way!

Figuiera de Foz, Portugal

Chapel in a Castle. Remember how my Colombiano lover finally talked to me that day? I miss exchanging winks and smiles with him over breakfasts of bread, jam, and hot chocolate.

Dare I say I miss the beach too? This one was a bit cold and vicious when we were there, but it was still so much fun to see and hear the massive waves crashing as we tried not to get tagged by the them on their beachward progress.

Saintes, France

I still haven't looked up Victor Hugo to see if he spent much time in this area. Hm. Apparently Victor Hugo is the name of the Rue (street, in French).  Well, despite being tricked into getting 2 crepes instead of just one, the Creperie Victor Hugo proffered some excellent cuisine. I want a crepe maker like they have!

Point du Hoc, Normandy, France

I worked on this photo a while to try and create the sense that it is old. The landscape, of course, is what it looks like today, but I think I did a decent job giving it the grainy and washed-out look that many 40's-50's era photos have. I think.