Thought for modern days

A new philosophy generally means in practice the praise of some old vice.
Gilbert Chesterton (1874-1936)

I saw that many republicans signed something indicating they now supported gay marriage. I think this quote above is fitting explanation as to what is happening to our world these days.

Day 25: Psalms 34:4

I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

I found this gem on Pinterest tonight. Yes, it totally counts for my purposes! Besides it bring a simpler find, it is remarkably true. I'm sure you recall one earlier posts this month where I discussed my lingering fear, and thus hesitancy, about moving out of the grandparents' nest an back on my own. It's been a real thing I've had to deal with, and I'm not one who typically had fears over living my life. Skydiving? Heights? Breaking a leg? Yes, but never fear of living the life I want. It's been a challenge, especially because it isn't something I'm used to dealing with. One thing I've tried to do throughout this journey is to get guidance on that whole living and moving out thing. When I saw this verse tonight, I realized that the emotion of fear is gone from this aspect of my life! Nothing has panned out yet, at this point, but I have been delivered from the fear of getting out there again. Apprehensions will still arise, I'm sure, but fear is powerful, even to the point of being debilitating. The more I think on facing true fear in my life, much of that has happened in recent months. And in each case, the peace of The Lord has won out in the end. I'm really grateful for the ability I had to see that growth in myself, even as I squandered time on Pinterest.

Day 24: Moses 1:18

While looking for tonight's inspiration, I found a talk be Elder Nelson that was all about prayer. While I recommend it, I realized it didn't have the feeling I was looking for tonight. It's becoming more challenging to find verses that speak to me. You may have noticed that I've used few of the "go-to" scriptures about prayer, and some have nothing to do with prayer at all! Tonight, I decided to break out the synonyms. Entreat was promising, but not quite there...it also didn't pull the scripture about Ruth, Naomi, and Boaz... So I tried inquiry. Then inquire. Verbs are good prayer words to look for, because they point to action. When I saw this one in Moses, I knew it was right for tonight. Plus I felt like it was time to see what the Pearl of Great Price had to say.

I love how Moses is speaking so boldly here. He flat out says he will not stop praying. And his reason is profound: he has more he needs/wants to ask The Lord. His spiritual education has just begun, but he is quick to realize that he needs further knowledge, light, and direction from The Lord. He will not be deterred, not even by Satan himself. I know my prayers are getting better, but that is another level of dedication I have yet to reach. Moses's words are true for all of us, though. There are things we need to know, and we will not ease to inquire of God.

Day 23: Helaman 5-7

I have missed doing my personal scripture study lately. This prayer blog takes enough time that I don't generally double up. No excuse, I know.... As I started the year another goal of mine was to write my thoughts after reading the scriptures, take my study more meaningful. Yeah, I am just full of goals this year, it seems. Anyways, I went back to my usual spot for tonight's reading. I have a few random thoughts that I'd like to share.

Have you noticed how many times the word remember shows up in Helaman 5? A lot. The word always makes me think of my graduate studies... I wrote my thesis partly on memory theory. Whenever I see the word remember, I want to stick a hyphen in to make it re-member. Re- create. Re-build. Re-construct. Re as a prefix means to do again. We know the things we must recall, but to remember can imply making those connections new to us, to re form them into a more relevant context. Make it mean something by examining it and re-fleshing it into existence. I could keep going but... It's pretty philosophical and I'm not quite ready to delve deeper tonight.

Another prayer thought that hit me was Helaman 7. This is when Nephi is praying on a tower and draws a crowd because it so unusual. I was struck by a footnote about the tower.... It links back to Alma when the city is fortified with lookout towers. This seems to be the tower Nephi is on, a tower of safety and protection. Prayer provides us fortification. It also protects others as we pray for them. He didn't go there to make a scene, but rather to protect his beloved, wandering people.

Prayer is all around us. It reshapes us. It protects us. And it keeps us close to God.

Day 22: Philippians 4:6

It took me a little longer to find my verse tonight. Today was ... Interesting. I got plenty of rest and went off to church, which was really good. I felt the spirit quite strongly during Sunday school and the first part of relief society. Then the Bishop began talking about marriage. I suppose my thoughts had been in the past today.... I always drive past that road on my way to church. The thoughts on blessings in my life for the previous lesson centered on people and blessings that came in the wake of that breakup. It was all fine and well, until Bishop asked who wanted to be married. I (quietly) lost it. Sometimes you can't help but cry. He mentioned something about divorce...keep in mind that after his first intro I was more focused on being silent through the tears than I was on his words. He mentioned divorce and that made it harder, because I know I would already be divorced if I had gotten married last summer. I couldn't really explain then or now why I was so affected by those words. I'm thankful for the friends who gave me a hug with no strings attached.... The ones who know me and my story and just offered their sisterly support. Women are wonderful.

In a vague way, that story links to this verse. This verse has a JS Translation note that changes it to say "be afflicted for nothing." Everything we ask of God is important, so long as we ask in the correct spirit. We are to pray with gratitude and make our requests known to God. Many wise leaders have said that often The Lord has blessings for us, but that they are contingent upon our asking for them. This is something I need to remember daily. Ask for what I righteously desire. Then act in faith and thanksgiving for what I currently have. One day I will understand better how the windows of heaven work, but tonight I will simply send my entreaty there, specific and heartfelt.

Day 21: Prayer Quotes

Today was a good day as far as prayers and answers go.... My recent primary request has been in regards to finding the right place to move/live. Through the past several months of seeking to be in the right place for one thing or another (namely, the right state and the right job), I've developed a working theory of... well, I'm not sure what to call it. As I thought about it earlier today, it brought to mind the talk by Pres. Uchtdorf about enduring to the end/waiting patiently, and how that not a passive process, but an active one. It was a talk my mom shared with me at some point in the past two years when I was trying to figure out my life. PS: moms are pretty smart. We should listen to them more often.  Anyways, my working theory is that if I do all I can to push forward, and I'm doing so with faith in the Lord and many prayers, the answers will inevitably come. The right things will work themselves out, and the wrong ones.... well, they have this way of ebbing out of sight. I'm not sure I would have been able to direct my life this way before I realized so profoundly for myself that God is extremely aware of me and will stretch out His hand to intervene if I'm about to do something foolish. I trust He also stretches out those hands to lead us to good things... but my testimony of that intervention came from being saved from something bad. With the job, I thought for sure I needed to get back to Provo and be around friends. None of the jobs I applied for down there worked out. Slowly, the Lord changed my heart towards Salt Lake and one day I realized that I wanted to stay up here. A similar thing has happened as  I've pushed to find where to move next. I was adamant about moving downtown. I began to grant some consideration to Sugarhouse after that, but only the areas north of I80. It wasn't until this past week or so that I felt like I needed to consider areas south of I80. Slowly but surely, my heart was changed and directed. I've found places to go look at, and thanks to the help of friends and family, I have good options to consider now. I know I'm a little stubborn sometimes, but I'm thankful that the Lord works with me in a way that helps me see His guiding hand. 

That became much more than I intended it to be... now on to the rest of the post! I decided to look for quotes about prayer and see what I could discover. I really love reading the words of wise people, and I'm a firm believer in the idea that truth surrounds us, regardless of religious affiliation. That's a subject for another day, though.   :)  Tonight, I present you with a few lovely gems that spoke to my heart and mind about prayer. I know I'm kind of always inviting comments on here, but if you have a good prayer quote to share, feel free to leave a comment with it! 

Mother Teresa

May God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

 Be not forgetful of prayer.  Every time you pray, if your prayer is sincere, there will be new feeling and new meaning in it, which will give you fresh courage, and you will understand that prayer is an education. (Brothers Karamazov) 

Phillips Brooks               

Pray the largest prayers. You cannot think a prayer so large that God, in answering it, will not wish you had made it larger. Pray not for crutches but for wings.

Epicurus                            

It is folly for a man to pray to the gods for that which he has the power to obtain by himself.

Soren Kierkegaard

The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.

Abraham Lincoln

I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.

Gordon B. Hinckley

Let us never forget to pray.  God lives.  He is near.  He is real.  He is not only aware of us but cares for us.  He is our Father.  He is accessible to all who will seek Him.

Day 20: Romans 12:12

I came across this scripture the other day, and it seems very fitting for tonight. These past few days, I've been sorely tempted to just do my reading and prayer and not blog. I've been busy, tired.... And it's not like people need me to do this blog project. Diligence, however, is important. Sticking to the commitment of posting each day. Sure, I know the content and quality vary greatly, but each day there is something to show for it. Stickity tooty. That's some line from a movie or book... It means sticking to the task.

Prayer is something that requires diligence. I think it's helpful to acknowledge that we won't be praying like Enos every single night. Life can get mundane, and I know that sense if sameness creeps into my prayers all too often. Keeping ourselves conscious and present in our prayers can help us continue in meaningful prayer. Our hope and patience will grow. Our testimonies will grow. Our relationship with The Lord will grow. As the hymn tells us, there is an hour of secret prayer... And continually using that time day by day, will unite our souls with heaven, jut as much as the words prayed will unite.

Prayer. Stick to it.

Day 19: Psalm 149:3

I should have prepared better... another fun night of country dancing. It's very fun, even if filled with its own kind of drama. Some guys ask the cute girls to dance. Some guys ask any girl to dance. Some guys come back to the good dancers and ask them to dance again. 

I love to dance. I feel like my spirit is a spirit that dances with joy, the way some people's sing with joy. It is worship and joy. We are that we might have joy. Perhaps sometimes it is enough to dance a prayer of joy and appreciate that moment. Praise God in all you do. There is no better prayer of gratitude than to live joyfully.

Day 18: Helaman 5:30, 46-47

It's getting personal tonight -- consider yourself sufficiently forewarned. Don't worry, it's pretty good stuff. :)

It shouldn't be this hard to find a place to live. 

It's been a rough night. I've been looking more diligently lately for a place in Salt Lake City. I feel like it's about time that I break out of the comfort zone of the grandparents' basement and push myself... and get a more active social life. I really do love it here, but I know that the clock is winding down. I have been trying to find the right place, the right location... maybe even the perfect place. I know very few people in Salt Lake. I am trying to move forward with faith, despite my fears of not making friends and being lonely. Searching, calling people, coordinating with potential roommates (it was a blow when that completely fell flat, not going to lie), figuring out what I'm looking for and where I'm willing to look. Truly, it shouldn't be this hard. But it is. I got lost driving to the place I checked out tonight. It's a decent place. Small but workable room. Plenty of storage. Semi-shared bathroom. But I didn't love the neighborhood. I didn't feel much connection to the one roommate I met. I didn't like the location. There's not much yard, there's no park nearby, and it's not really near much in the immediate surroundings. And I got lost driving there. 

So, my mind was kind of a jumble tonight. I've been trying to understand how the Spirit speaks to me. I think that's something I've been learning better during this walk with Christ. As the tears were overwhelming me, I knew I had to get help and I needed the scriptures. I've just been going through the Book of Mormon chapter by chapter, and I haven't been keeping up on it as well since starting this project. But wouldn't you know, I opened to my bookmark in Helaman 5 and started skimming through the chapter. I needed something, and fast. And there it was in verse 30. And 46-47. Three verse telling me how the Spirit talks and what I should feel when the answer is positive. He is quiet. Pleasant. Peaceful. And that is how I will feel when the answer is right: quiet, pleasant,  peaceful. 

I didn't feel peaceful while contemplating the possibility of moving to this place. My mom could tell when I mentioned in a way that implied my doubts. My brother wisely asked if I felt at home at any of the places I've looked at. No. I haven't. That's pretty straight forward of an answer. I suppose there is some reason for me waiting. I thought I would have been moved out back in September! Or October. I do trust that there's a reason. I understand a little bit why I needed to be here during autumn. I had some great experiences and learned a lot. I truly hope I can figure out where I need to be next. I feel peaceful about continuing to look. If any of you unknown readers out there have suggestions about the Salt Lake scene or anything .... this is a good day to share :)

Day 17: Revelation 8:4

I love the imagery of this verse, where prayers rise to heaven like incense. Many eastern religions use incense in their worship and rituals. Incense isn't in a rush to go anywhere... It slowly weaves its way heavenward, spreading and touching many on its way. It sweetens as it goes. I feel like prayers do exactly that. They touch others in subtle ways, while sweetening our own lives.

This short tonight because I went country dancing with friends! A night like that is arguably an answer to prayer... So fun and dance just does something special for my soul. I wrote my thoughts before going, just didn't post them. But these really are for day 17, no skipping :)

Day 16: Psalm 13

I love that the Old Testament has an entire book of prayer... The Psalms. I chose this psalm today because 1) I feel it has some overtones common to single life, and 2) it wraps up beautifully by acknowledging how bountifully The Lord has blessed us.

As a single person in a church devoted to family and its central importance, it can be all too easy to feel forgotten when blessings don't come on our timetable. Friends provide a special glue that binds us and surpasses issues of marital status, child status, worldly status. One of my current struggles as to do with making new friends. Last time I moved out of the grandparents home to SLC, I didn't really make any friends. I'm sure there were many contributing factors, but ultimately I was in a house and ward where I felt very unconnected. As I look now to move out, I must face those fears... The fear that I won't make friends or find a welcoming ward or build meaningful connections with people. I think that is why I really like this psalm tonight. David doesn't diminish the feelings he has. He comes out and says that he feels forgotten sometimes and has sorrow in his heart at times. We all have days where our struggles weigh more heavily on us. It he ends powerfully, affirming his faith and trust, concluding with optimism that the future is bright with hope. It's a beautiful message.

The Lord has blessed my life incredibly these past many months. While its hard going out on my own to find housing with strangers, while it is sad parting ways with people who have helped me in key moments.... I know who has directed and blessed my life so far. And I know he will take care of me, no matter what else happens or who is around. He's my rock.

Day 15: Isaiah 40:31

Prayer is a much about answers as it is about the act of praying. This scripture seemed fitting, because so often the answer phase of prayer requires us to wait on The Lord. I'm single and 27, still waiting for the blessing of marriage. I have friends my same age who are married, by waiting for the blessing of children. I have friends my age who are waiting until the next life to see departed spouses, children. I think every human being waits to understand the "why" of various events in their lives. We must wait on the Lord. Thankfully, some answers come sooner and help us wait on the big ones.

Last night, I was trying to understand how I get answers to prayer. I chose to pray to better understand that process, and today at church I got an answer. One thing I have found during this process, is that it is easier for me to recognize when answers are being given. In chapter 4 of the Lorenzo Snow manual, there is a part that talks about being familiar with the spirit so we can understand the answers it is revealing to us. I realized that this was my answer! The way for me to receive answers to prayer is to be familiar with the spirit. Of course, that is easy to say and harder to do sometimes. I feel like this process has helped me recognize that spirit and see answers more frequently because of that. Some answers comes through reading the Scriptures. Some answers come in a feeling such as peace and calm. Some answers come in ways that will still take more processing to understand, but that are there for sure.

How do you recognize the Spirit and recognize the answers it gives you?

Day 14: Our Path of Duty by Keith B.McMullin

Lots of prayer thoughts today... in the chapel at the temple the first two songs were "Did you think to pray" and "Secret Prayer." While there I also had time to talk to God in prayer. Can I be really honest? I'm still working on the hearing and understanding the answers part. I think everyone gets answers in their own that speaks to them. Oh, I've figured out some key aspects of how I get answers, but.... I know there's more ground to be covered there. Anyways, I'll come back to that in a minute. Other prayer moments included me desperately praying out loud in my car as I drove less than a mile to the gas station because my re-fill light had just barely kicked on. Seriously, I kept begging that my car be able to make it to the gas station. Perhaps I worried too much, but for what it's worth, there was a point in that 5 minute drive - after about a minute of repeated please let my car make it to the gas station, please let my car make it to the gas station, please let my car make it to the gas station - when my gas light turned off!! And a few moments later I turned safely into the gas station and sidled up to a pump. Another prayer moment was when I talked to my mom and she mentioned that she has been praying for me to find the right place and situation to live so I can get more involved socially. I love living with the grandparents, but my current ward arrangements are.... atypical, and haven't brought about the social scene they way I'd like to have it. This journey has definitely made me more cognizant of prayer moments in my daily life. One thing I need to keep working on, as mentioned above, is the answers. 

I changed my prayer search tonight to look for info on answers to prayer. In fact, "answer to prayer" was the keyword search that yielded this wonderful talk by Keith B. McMullin. (PS I know his nephews.) He talks about our duty, and has a section specifically on prayer. I'd like to copy it here below for you, as it's longer than the typical verse or two reference. Before I do, I just want to mention a few things that stood out to me. 

1. The eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers.  1 peter 3:12
2. It is our duty to pray.
3. Prayers need to be harmonious with heaven (this is the challenge for us... to achieve that harmony!)
4. The Holy Ghost enlightens us while we receive answers to prayer. (Maybe this is the key for me to understand my answers better.)
5. These kinds of prayers bring forth the blessings of heaven!!! Sign me up!

How Do We Know Our Path of Duty in the Midst of Crisis?

We pray! It is everyone’s sure way to know; it is everyone’s lifeline to heaven. Said the Apostle Peter, “The eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers.” ¹⁸

Humble, sincere, inspired prayer makes available to each of us the divine guidance we so desperately need. Brigham Young counseled, “At times, men are perplexed and full of care and trouble … ; yet our judgment teaches us that it is our duty to pray.” ¹⁹

Jesus taught:

“Ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; …

“Therefore ye must always pray unto the Father in my name; …

“Pray in your families unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and your children may be blessed.” ²⁰

For prayers to be efficacious, they must be in harmony with the plan of heaven. The prayer of faith bears fruit when such harmony exists, and this harmony exists when prayers are inspired by the Holy Spirit. The Spirit manifests what our petitions should be. ²¹ Absent this inspired guidance, we are inclined to “ask amiss,” ²² to seek only our will and not “Thy will.”²³ It is as important to be guided by the Holy Spirit while praying as it is to be enlightened by that same Spirit while receiving an answer to prayer. Such prayer brings forth the blessings of heaven because our Father “knoweth what things [we] have need of, before [we] ask him,” ²⁴ and He answers every sincere prayer. Ultimately, it is the Father and the Son who promise, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” ²⁵

I bear my witness that our path of duty is clearly marked by an undivided faith and belief in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the power of prayer. This path is to be traveled by all of God’s children who love Him and desire to keep His commandments. For the young, it leads to personal achievement and preparation; for adults, it leads to renewed faith and resolve; for the older generation, it leads to perspective and endurance in righteousness to the end. It equips every faithful traveler with the strength of the Lord, protects him from the evils of the day, and endows him with the knowledge that “the conclusion of the whole matter [is to] Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.” ²⁶ In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Day 13: D&C 25:12

I'm sure you don't really care to hear it (yet again this week), but I am so tired!! I put in almost 50 hours at work this week. Ridiculous. And my sleep has definitely suffered. But I have stuck with this blog project and prayer project, despite it keeping me up later than I'd like. Accountability.... it's a strong pull to keep you exactly honest to your word. Lest ye think I randomly grab a scripture about prayer and write a few words about it, let me fill you in on how this works for me. Sometimes I'll have a particular idea or concept that sticks in my mind all day and unfolds itself as I look for scriptures that relate to that and prayer. I feel like those days are particularly special. Days like today, I usually end up doing a search in Gospel Library. I choose which variation of prayer I want to look for, then decide what book of scripture I'll focus on. Sometimes it takes several tries before I find the scripture that stands out and feels right for the night. So it may be random, but there is method to it. 

Tonight was one of those "oh I need a scripture for tonight and I haven't prepared yet and it's already 11pm and I can just start searching while Perry Mason  wraps up" nights. When I found this familiar verse about the song of the heart and the righteous being a prayer unto God, I realized this was what I needed to share. Many of these prayer scriptures have focused on the need to pray always -- and even if the verses I've shared haven't said that, it's one of those common answers we know about prayer. I have often mused on how we pray often and make it effective, etc. Tonight, I realized that music that brings the spirit can be its own kind of prayer. Music is something I turn to when the stress at work is about to explode and I just need to focus and unwind the energy. A good song not only helps me focus, but it relaxes me and helps me get the calm peace back from the Spirit, who was probably crowded out of my mind from all the other stuff going on. I want to share one of my new favorite songs that makes my soul soar and my skin tingle. It brings me happiness, peace, and calm as it transports me through sound to a better place. Transcend. That's what it does. As you listen, consider what non-traditional prayers you pray each day to keep calm and bring the Spirit with you in what you're doing. I'd love to hear what works for you!

PS. I absolutely love the opening quote on this film. Gorgeous. 

Day 12: D&C 33:17-18

Be faithful, praying always, with trimmed lamps. Again,I am somewhat surprised at how direct a single verse can be in providing direction and insight. Knowing the broad arc of the scriptures is very useful, but I think I was missing something before I learned the power of a single verse. I love how we're reminded of what we need to do to enable us to be prepared for The Lord. And I didn't realize how pivotal prayer is in all that! It really make a difference in our preparation and progression. As I strive to improve, I find myself reminding myself daily that these musings are great, but the real power and testimony comes from the act of praying....speaking a prayer.

I need to go speak my prayer now. Just wanted to say a quick thank you to any and all who sent thoughts and prayers my way today. It was nuts at work, but the day was beautiful, with no emotional hangover from last year.. Or last night for that matter. Thanks, I love you, and happy Valentine's day!

Day 11: John 14:26-27

These verses have arguably nothing to do with prayer. However, they are frequent comfort verses for me, and reflect the feelings I can get from prayer. Several years ago, my friend Rachel set these two verses to music. I still wish I had a recording of it, but the memory is imprinted in my mind. I hear the tune when I read these verses. One thing I loved about her arrangement was ow the music broadened and settled like a blanket during the beginning of verse 27... Peace I leave in you. My peace I give unto you. Peace being drawn out and lengthened in the phrase.

Prayer brings peace. It is beautiful. It wraps and protects us. For me tonight, I cold pray for nothing better.

Sometimes the strong are weak

I don't want to mope or whine or relive the past. Truly. If you want to know more, well.... You will understand. Valentines Day 2012. Enough said?

I didn't think it would be hard this year. Most of the emotional hurt from him is completely gone. But given today and what my head and heart are doing.... I don't know if I'm strong enough for tomorrow. On top of work being busy and stressful. On top of my allergies slamming in full force.

This isn't the prayer post yet, but if you want to put your next 24 hours of prayer to a good cause, I'm happy to accept them. Just to get though tomorrow. And then it will all be fine.

In the immortal words of Peter Pan, "just think happy thoughts."

Day 10: Alma 34:17-27

My first thought of what to use as my prayer prompt was a website I came across: Sacred Spaces. At a glance, it is a website that provides users with the experience I've created for myself - daily scripture prompts, finding how to make prayer meaningful in your life, developing a true connection with God... brilliant idea, and I hope many people benefit from it! I  may have to give a test run, just for fun. As I thought more on it, though, I really wanted to go very doctrinal today. 

I included verse 17 because it shows steps to follow. I'm kind of big on the whole organization, steps, order etc thing. We have obtain faith by experimenting on the word of God (see Alma 32), then grow that faith. In verse 17, we reach a point where our faith is unto repentance, which requires we call on God to communicate with Him about our repentant status. He is merciful and "mighty to save." Again, we are reminded of the how prayer and humility go hand in hand. Hmmmmmm there's some interesting thoughts to be had there. 

Prayer - humility.... which comes first? Chicken and the egg? Humble people pray. But prideful people also pray. And in prostrating themselves before God, either literally, figuratively, or both, they enact humility and attain more humility than when they began. Does it follow, then that we are able to retain a better sense of humility when we are consistently praying? I think that makes sense... constantly being in communication with such a powerful, supreme Being and acknowledging His hand naturally makes us more humble. On the flip side, does not praying indicate we are more prideful? I'm not sure.... at best it indicates we are forgetful. And I suppose that can be a type of pride, if we consider our state so well-off to not consider the hand God has had in making it easy for us. Once the trials hit, we tend to come to our knees much more often. 

Alma talks through the next several verses about where to pray and what topics are appropriate. Basically, everything is free game. Our world is slightly different from Alma's so I would revise my statement to read that everything that is virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, is free game for prayer. Our jobs, our relationships with co-workers, family, and friends, our spiritual freedom from Satan, the welfare of our enemies and the ability to withstand temptations.... all things that we should pray for daily, no matter where we may be. I had to go to the bathroom twice today to keep my head properly attached to my shoulders at work, and as soon as I had closed the door I began to pray. I suppose I didn't need to seek a secluded space, but I do better when I can shut things out and focus. And in this case I needed an escape from the situation as well, before I could face it calmly, with dignity, grace, and kindness. For what it's worth, I think it worked. 

I like how the Spirit works.. I definitely did not intend to write a long post tonight. In fact, I was feeling a little obligatory towards this tonight, but look where it has led me! That whole prayer-humility thing was completely spur of the moment, and it was a great insight to me about myself and prayer, and perhaps reasons why its easy to stay out of the habit once you stop being consistent in prayers. Ditto for scripture study too, I think. Ok, well I really must be getting to bed tonight. If you want to exercise some prayers, I'll take them in my direction. These allergies - I know, who gets allergies when it's barely above freezing oustide?? and yet they're here - are not so fun and make me feel not exactly 100%. When they muddle my brain, I know I'm in real trouble. So here's praying that I don't get much worse and get beyond them soon! 

Oh, I should follow up on Day 9's goal to wake up early for a prayer. ..... Let's just say, good intentions do not a goal fulfill. I have no illusions about that happening tomorrow. Let's extend the time frame to this week. And if anyone out there is reading this and doing something cool with your prayers, I'd love to hear your experiences too. If not, just enjoy and find a minute to pray. Prayer can change your life. 

Dear Secret Admirer..

... if you actually were to exist, you would be getting me an amazing Valentine's day gift. Because that's how wonderful you are! You know me well, and I just have to share with everyone what you would get me! 

You'd start off my morning with breakfast in bed (along with an early wake up call so I'd have time to eat it). Eggs, toast, bacon, orange juice... you're saving the sweet things for later, of course! There's a flower or bouquet to brighten the cold morning as well. And what's that you just carried in behind your back? A gift! 

Smart man. This is where I hug you, kiss you, and tell you just how wonderful I think you are. I'll head off to work, on could nine as I contemplate seeing you again at the end of my day. 

Well, it's the end of the day and we are meeting downtown to grab dinner. We might go to a fun, unique ethnic restaurant, or head on over (with everyone else, I'm sure) to Cheesecake Factory. Actually, scratch that. We're grabbing dessert from Cheesecake Factory, but then we're driving home so I can make you your favorite dinner! We love cooking together... okay, I mostly cook and you mostly try to distract me and be the taste-tester. We'll eat, tidy up, then take our desserts and watch a fun flick, or maybe head back out for a performance. As a final surprise, since you know I've been rather obsessed with deep, turquoise shades of blue, you'll whip this out. Just because you think I'm worth it. 

http://www.bluenile.com/london-blue-white-sapphire-ring-sterling-silver_33505?gclid=CIac387IsrUCFWlxQgod1jEAfw&click_id=67308146
(size 6, fits perfect!)

Well, my darling admirer, I hate to part ways with you, but alas I must bid you adieu. If you feel so inclined to show up on my doorstep with any and/or all of these gifts, I can promise you flat out you'll get a wonderful Valentine's kiss! 

Day 9: Mark 1:35

One of the biggest changes I've noticed during the past few days of this project is that I think sour prayer and scriptures more often, with more purpose. Today as I drove to work, I learned that the Pope is resigning... Something that hasn't happened since the 15th century or so. I wanted to find a New Testament scripture for tonight, to honor the shared truths. Mark 1:35 is a brief but telling account of how Christ prayed. He awoke early, left to find solitude, and then prayed. I love the spirit that seems to pervade the morning, though I usually only notice it on special occasions, not my typical mornings. Being in nature especially evokes that. While I do the evening routine -- better than nothing -- I hope to one day make a switch to morning worship. My goal is to try and do a special morning prayer tomorrow, in addition to my normal prayer/scriptures for the day. And my prayer tonight will be for health (who gets allergies in 30 degree weather??), restful sleep, and an early wake up tomorrow!

Day 8: Helaman 3:35

Interestingly, I found this scripture last night while doing my "normal" scripture study. It caught my attention, and I really liked getting into it today. I'm not sure I've seen another scripture that so clearly spells out the blessings of prayer. First, their prayers are frequent, even habitual parts of their lives. This results in increased humility - interesting byproduct - and stronger faith. Souls are filled with joy. And my favorite part: hearts are sanctified because they are yielded, like harvested fruit, to The Lord. I also liked 3:27, which reminds us that prayer isn't exclusive. It's for everyone!

My prayers have been helping me gain a tester relationship with The Lord. I haven't had anything crazy awesome happen, just small witnesses that my spirit is growing, not just my intellect. It's easy for me to get caught up in the learning side, thinking I've got things figured out when really I need to gain experience and testimony. But I have felt that being in a spiritual mindset has made my prayers more meaningful to me, thereby growing my testimony.

Day 7: Spicing things up

I'm taking a different road tonight, for a few reason. First, I am dead tired. As in, between Friday and today, I have had multiple people ask if I am tired because I sure look it. And yes, I have been very tired those days. Tonight I am again attempting to go to bed early, but I'm already almost thirty minutes past my ideal bedtime for tonight. I'm going to read my scriptures just normally tonight and not ruminate on prayer quite as specifically. And here comes point number two about changing things up today. 

I have actually thought about prayer a lot today, especially in regards to what I'm going to post about. I found a few scriptures, glanced through some talks in the Ensign, but my brain kept going back to the idea of poetry. As a humanities graduate and afficionado, I believe that there are numerous pathways to access divinity, and poetry is one of those. It presents ideas in different ways, making the quotidian meaningful. I looked at a few different poets and poems before settling on this classic by Walt Whitman. My nutshell analysis/interpretation of it is that true knowledge is gained by first-hand interaction with the elements... be it the stars, the heavens, or Deity. And many times those meaningful experiences are marked by a silence, a lack of words and explanations. I suppose it's this essential philosophy that has - in part - undergirded my current quest for first-hand knowledge of God. 

Pray. Talk. Go out in nature and contemplate the heavens for yourself. The most learn'd astronomer, teacher, prophet, cannot be a substitute for your own personal study and inquiry. 

*I hope this all made sense. If not, leave a note and I'm happy to clarify after I awake from my very long sleep tonight.  

When I Heard the Learn’d Astronomer

BY WALT WHITMAN

When I heard the learn’d astronomer,

When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,

When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,

When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,

How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,

Till rising and gliding out I wander’d off by myself,

In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,

Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

Day 6: Colossians 4:2

Of all nights to post "early,"  I have to chuckle a bit that it's a Friday night. You know, when most singles are out on dates or at gatherings... not home going to bed early. But the ward activity - which was actually really very fun - got done around 9 so I headed home. There are moments when I definitely love the ward I attend! Tonight was one of those. Back to the matter at hand though.... I'm posting early. What you may not realize is that I read, write things out in my journal, and then write a blog post. My night time routine takes a lot longer that way!! Plus I pray in there.. either after the scripture and before the blog, or after both. Depends. Anyways, I'm dozing off and haven't even written the good stuff....

Prayer is about gratitude!

Some of the most meaningful prayer experiences I've had have been when I spend most, if not all, my words thanking Heavenly Father for my blessings. Its important for several reasons. First, expressing gratitude makes us more cognizant of our blessings and it becomes like a giant snowball getting bigger and bigger.... and the bigger it gets the happier we are! Grateful people are happy people because they see the world in terms of what it has given them already, not in terms of what it continues to hold back. Second, we need to explicitly tell the Lord what things we are grateful for. Who doesn't appreciate being told what a great job they're doing? I imagine the Lord doesn't need our validating words of gratitude, but that's not the point. I believe it brings Him happiness when we say - list/describe/enumerate - the blessings we see Him bestowing in our lives. Third, I'm reminded of the concept that there are very few things we can actually give the Lord. He has put us on this Earth and one of the few things we can honestly give back is our heart and our will. I feel that expressing gratitude helps us access those pathways where we voluntarily place our heart and will at the feet of the Lord. These things are not requisite or proscribed. They are voluntary actions on our part to consciously move us towards God. 

Like all things, it's easy to say we should express gratitude in prayer, yet sometimes challenging to put it into practice. We all need things, even if it is just a good night's rest before the labors of the coming day. Forgiveness, repentance, a future spouse, guidance on how to deal with family challenges, life challenges, world challenges... A lot of things need the Lord's attention. Maybe start by tipping the scale in His favor; if you can't simply say a rousing round of thanks for this, that, and the other, then make the gratitude section the most important part of your prayer, and make your requests briefly at the end of your prayer. I'd ask you to share how it goes but... whoever is reading this doesn't seem to be the commenting type. (Aside from you, mom!) So try it and maybe write in your own journal instead. And have a gratitude-filled weekend!

Day 5: JSH 1:29

Joseph Smith offers one of the most comprehensive scripture passages in prayer and answers. Connecting with my thoughts yesterday of praying with faith, this passage brings up another very relevant point: at what point do we know we have fully repented of our sins and how does prayer help us gain that understanding? Like Joseph, I feel like my failing and sins are not of great severity, but rather an amassing of foibles and omissions, many minor things added up. I'm not sure I could set out in prayer with such firm, unwavering conviction that God would answer and report on my standing before Him. Prayer is part of true repentance, and I'm not sure one night is sufficient for that. At what point can we say, like Joseph, that we have full confidence? What is it like to pray with full confidence? How do we get to that point? My only clue is the sudden music lyric popping up in my head from Primary: Speak. He is there.

Tonight has more questions than answers, it seems. I think that is appropriate, because they are answers we must seek individually. I'd love to hear our thoughts on this topic. As for me, I need to pray and see what answers I get tonight!

PS. In the midst of evaluating the state of my soul, I had dinner with my dear dear friend. We grabbed some delicious Chinese food at Shoots. The following picture is what my cookie had to tell me. And no, I really don't think it was coincidence.

Day 4 - D&C 8:10

Ask in faith and ask for the right things.

I used to get antsy when my mom told me that it mattered how I asked something in a prayer. Didn't God, in his wisdom, already know why I was trying to get at? Could prayer possibly be a strict matter of semantics and syntax? I couldn't believe that, but I also knew there was truth in what my mom said. Tonight, I learned what she meant.

I was in a very sacred place, quietly pondering and reviewing recent events in my life. I was praying, asking if I would get a particular blessing ever. As I prayed and pondered, I realized that I was feeling anxiety! Definitely not the answer I was seeking. But as I pondered, my mind turned to the thought that I already had been promised this blessing by The Lord, and I was questioning his ability to fulfill his words. No wonder I felt strange! I quickly tried again, this time acknowledging the promise already made and my faith in it. What I asked instead was if I was still worthy to merit the blessing. Scriptures tell us that blessings are predicated on obedience, and heaven knows I m very imperfect. That is really the crux of what I was seeking, though. And as I prayed and listened, I felt peace and assurance. Not so much that I feel over confident in my standing, but enough to trust that I'm not holding myself back.

Beautiful night of spiritual thoughts tonight. I love the temple.

Day 3: Psalms 61

If I wanted an easy route for this project, I could just read a new psalm each night. Psalm is another word for prayer, and so often they have a tone of rejoicing. Very beautiful. Plus the fact that they had a performance aspect to them... I feel very able to connect with them. Psalm 61 highlighted some thoughts I'd been pondering whilst watching Les Miserables and Alfie Boe sing Bring Him Home. He mentioned in an interview that singing this takes him to a place sheltered from reality. I feel like when we pray properly, we do leave behind some of this mortality and enter a liminal space of transcendence. I especially love verse 2 where David asks to be taken to a higher rock. Prayer allows me to repent and come to that higher place. It's one of the most common requests I make, regardless of wording: help me repent, be forgiven, and step up to that higher ground.

Day Two: Deuteronomy 4:29

What a beautiful set of scriptures and music for this evening... My mind has been a-stirring and a-whirring this evening with largely inconsequential concerns. I didn't really expect that one day after starting my journey I would feel significantly different, but nor did I expect to feel so angsty about little things. Maybe it's a test? Something to cloud my access to the Lord?

Well, in searching for my prayer scripture tonight, I used the handy dandy Gospel Library App. One of the first results that came up was the following. Topical Guide: God, Access to. See also Prayer. For some reason, that brief combination of words was exactly what I needed to ponder on tonight. Accessing God is so seemingly simple. In fact it is truly simple... as long as we don't forget in the ease of that access. I feel like prayer forms a bridge between us and God. He's already got His side very well built, but gaining access through prayer builds my side of the bridge. 

Deuteronomy 4:29 But if from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all they heart and with all thy soul.

He is not playing a game of hide and seek... God is there waiting in plain sight to be found! The verses in that chapter continue, saying that (4:31) He is a merciful God that will not forsake me or forget me. Mind you, these verses are in reference to the children of Israel, prophesying and promising to them after they have turned to false idols. These promises apply to us in our greatest weaknesses and imperfections! (4:39) There is none else in heaven above or the earth beneath. 

My final thoughts on prayer today touch on the duality of prayer. Notice how 4:29 talks about using all our heart and soul to find God? I find it meaningful that, while prayer is a physical act, so much of the processes is embedded in our spirits through pondering hearts. Feelings spur our intent to pray, and answers we receive generally come in feelings to our hearts as well. But without the physical practice of prayer, I think communication easily gets muddled and loses quality. For me, at least, my prayers are best when I make a conscious effort to kneel and speak. 

Prayer is the bridge we use to access God. It's a bridge we walk and meet along. I want to make sure my side of that bridge is in good repair. I'm not sure what outcome I'm expecting and watching for as I continue forward, but I'm a great believer in the power of journeys. 

Day One - we must pray

8 And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.
9 But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul. (Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi, Chapter 32)

I like this to start off my journey. First, it reminds me that the urge not to pray is from Satan, not The Lord. That includes giving in to how tired I am! But even more than that, I love how these scriptures say that prayer should preface our acts and consecrate them to The Lord. I'm familiar with doing that before my numerous dance performances, but it means more than that. So, I decided to pray tonight and consecrate this journey I'm embarking on.

***************************************************************************************************************
It's been too long since I really talked to God with a sincere heart! At least, it feels like a long time. I decided to pray vocally, as that helps my mind stay focused. It was nice... I like feeling that conversational interaction. I definitely felt the Spirit, including very strongly when I made a special request. One thing I hope to learn over his next 25 days is how to better hear what the Spirit is saying in those moments. For tonight, the peace and connection will suffice.

What is your favorite scripture about prayer?

My 25 day walk with Christ

I have been reflecting on January and the goals I set towards the beginning of the year. While I have definitely made improvements, I feel like I'm running a little behind. In order to be more accountable and hopefully achieve more results, I am inviting you to follow my 25 day walk with Christ. There are 25 days left in February, and that is also more than the three week guide for implementing new habits. Each day, I will read a scripture about prayer, ponder on it, and pray. Then I will share some of those thoughts here on my blog.

This is a personal journey, but I look forward to sharing my love for my Saviour with all of you. February is the month of love, and there is no better person to grow closer to!

Waves 1.31.13

Dreams collide with reality
Waves of dreams
Washing
Rushing
Some big, some small
Pushing - rolling onward - towards
Reality, the harsh cliff
Standing stalwart and immovable
Unbreakable.
Which waves will survive
To brush happily across
The softened sand?
Which waves will crash
Never to be free of the
Fierce cliffs?