Reason for the Season

I was testing out my new camera on Christmas and shot this cute figurine on the lamp table. While it shows off the awesomeness of the camera, I mostly like this reminder of the true meaning of Christmas. How blessed we are that Christ was born and lived an exemplary life for us to follow.

We'll start at the beginning... a very good place to start

I feel like I have so much to say, but I'm pretty certain none of it will make much cohesive sense. So if you think this is a beginning of a linear story, be prepared for something more rhomboid or polygonic in shape. Did I mention I love making up new words that sound like they really should be words anyways?


I'm home for the holidays-- ok, just the holiday, Christmas-- and I'm loving it! It is so nice to go to bed early and sleep in each day, to eat three regular meals that consist of more than 2 items conjoined to simulate a meal, to see my mom and dad and funny brothers and big brothers (and fams) and little brothers and dogs. To shower in softened water, which makes my hair all nice and shiny, to sit and play the piano for hours on end, to go grocery shopping in the all of two stores in town. To enjoy and make endless numbers of goodies for Christmas: CandyCane Crush Cookies (that's my name for them), cheese balls, toffee, fudge, pretzel turtles, artichoke dip, dipped gingersnaps, and Christmas mix. Pretty much all of these treats are legend (and tradition) at Christmas. And to think that I can basically make Christmas (treats) on my own now! I just need to learn how to cook meat.....

I often joke that I'm not married yet because I don't really cook meat all that much. Why? I think it started off as a budget issue, and by the time I had more money I'd gotten used to going meatless. Therefore, I'm not superly skilled in that department... although I can follow a recipe and I make a mean meaty chili. I suppose I ought to practice my meat-making skills more, but then I'd have to come up with a different semi-excuse as to my unmarried status.

So BYU trounced Oregon State University last night in the MAACO Bowl at Vegas. Loverly!!! Our first big play was against the super-strong wind, which showed a lot of skill and determination. After that, we were pretty much unstoppable. We let some scores in the fourth quarter, but at that point it was more redemption for the other team than threatening to our winning status. I LOVE BYU football.


I'm trying to remember if I've said what I meant to say yet. I hope so. I think so? I didn't bring my journal with me... bad idea. I have a lot of things I'd like to write in there. My home is awesome. The Spirit is here. I love it. I love reading the Ensign while leisurely getting ready in the morning. It's inspiring. I think I can be a better person. I know I can.

I am who I am. I live my life and do what suits me, so far as I feel it is what I should be doing. I danced in Europe this summer. I started a graduate program and will be halfway through come April. I have goals, ambitions, dreams, skills, talents. I won't wait around for someone to come find me. I've got things to do, and I won't contrive to try and get someone to join me for the ride. If they can't see a good thing and chase after it... let them find their good thing elsewhere. I think I remember now what else I wanted to say.

While in Nashville, a singer at the Grand Ole Opry show I saw said, "I chased my dream until I caught it." What a great way to phrase it. Dream-chasing takes work, and you sometimes have to run a long time before you catch it. I'm not sure it's a dream of mine exactly, but because of those words I've decided to audition for the Radio City Rockettes Christmas show. Ambitious? Yes. Impossible? No. Nothing is impossible. My coworker, with whom I went to the Rockettes show in Nashville, quickly encouraged me to go for it. I'm young now, and will have time for old stuff when I'm old. When I told my mom the idea, she too was supportive, which surprised me, actually. I guess in my head I thought that dancing wasn't practical. Maybe it doesn't matter what is practical. Maybe passion is more important.


So there you have it. I love being home. I love dancing. I love food. I love being inspired, as well as being an inspiration. I hope I am that, at least sometimes.

And now I must find a picture that represents this amazing year. Wish me luck.

Tis the Season

'Tis the season!! I have been in the Christmas spirit so much this year, and it is so fun! However, there is another season going on right now. Finals. Read that to mean final papers. Yes, I am writing a blog post when I should be figuring out a better ending to my 22 page theoretical/research paper than "Dance speaks." Brevity is not always best. But after pouring my brain out for the past..... many hours..... I'm trying to let my brain de-stress. I promise, I'm so close to finishing the paper. I hope he doesn't dock me for not having an entire 22nd page.


It's looking like a long night still ahead of me. I can't wait to sit, I mean sleep, on that plane!!

Nashville: Why I need a better camera

I finally downloaded my pictures from Nashville. What a great trip! Here are some highlight pictures (sort of). Mostly they demonstrate how good my camera can be and how bad it can be. I'll put up some stories and pictures soon, but here's a teaser for tonight.

Orchid in one of the hotel atriums

Grand Entrance to the Gaylord Opryland hotel

Saddled barrel outside a downtown bar

(This one is particularly bad as far as picture quality goes. Fun moment though)

Pumpkin Soup

For some reason I have a fascination with pumpkin soup. We never had it growing up. In fact, I never really have had pumpkin soup. I had a squash soup once that was quite tasty, and I can only attribute this strange pumpkin love to that soup. And it is faster to open a can than to cook a squash. Anyways, for some reason I felt like trying to make pumpkin soup again.... my previous attempt was not particularly successful. After following the recipe and finding the soup bland beyond belief, I started chucking in whatever spice seemed to fill the taste void. In the end it included salsa and soy sauce, chili powder and garlic seasoning, and a few other similar seasonings (garlic salt, dried onions, etc). I also threw in some fresh cut green onions. By that point I was tired of meddling and just wanted to eat. I topped it with some sour cream and a few splurts of lime juice. I'm not sure which one it was, but that topping combination actually turned the soup into a pleasingly palatable creation! I don't know that I'll continue attempting to make pumpkin soup, but thankfully this experience was a success tonight.

Grown to Dance

I figured, since this post seems like a continuation of the last one, that I would title it something progressive. This may mean that there are a few more dance related posts on the way, but does that really surprise you? Really?? I didn't think so. After thinking I had finished my dancing days so many times, then realizing such was not the case, I've decided that nothing but being pregnant and confined to bed rest will get me to stop. I thought my knee injury my senior year of high school spelled the end. Nope. I thought leaving for college spelled the end. Was I ever wrong about that!! I thought being done with folk dance was the end. Happily, I was wrong yet again. I thought my denial from grad school in the dance program was the real end. Negatory. Since then I haven't really felt like my dance has ended. I keep going through different phases, but there's no definitive end to my dance. Granted, I did have to leave Clog America for this year, but I fully intend to re-visit that avenue, if it works out in the coming year or two. I'll finish teaching Irish this year... and I don't think I'll continue with Academy of Ballet. It's nice to get experience, but it's not the teaching environment I'm looking for. I'll continue on with Foot Poetry, the tap dance ensemble (annual big performance January 9th!!), and I intend to audition for another group. You may have heard of it....

The Radio City Rockettes Christmas Tour!!!

I saw them in Nashville, and they were wonderful. During intermission, my coworker and I were talking and I half-jokingly mentioned that I should be one. A bit to my surprise, she readily agreed and said I should go for it. She mentioned something one of the singers had said a few days previously at the Grand Ole Opry show... he chased his dream until he caught it. I'm not quite sure what my dance dream is. I just know that I love the stage. I can't get enough of it, of real performance. And why not audition? I know I'm not the best dancer in the world, but I am good. I've spent the majority of my life developing this talent, this skill. It permeates so much of me. It finds its way into my papers (it sure did in my undergrad years when the topics barely related, yet I somehow brought in dance). It resonates within my soul. I can't describe this-- it defies language and words.

I'm listening to a SPAC CD compiled by Anthony Dunster and featuring my fellow dancemates from the 2006-7 Spring Performing Arts Company. Those people are so talented. They are fabulous singers, songwriters, guitarists, flautists, in addition to being amazing dancers. I really admire them and their talents. Songbird Rosie, sweet McCall (it was so fun to see her tonight!), rockstar Mikey, beautiful Rachel... if I were to envy people, these are a few that might appear on my list (the girls for sure). You know, though, my talents outside of dance are just not as obvious as these are. Writing is my other major strength, and I definitely see it as a talent that sets me apart just a little bit. It just doesn't come across the same way as musical talents do. Nor does my cooking, which I think takes some talent, and neither do my other talents. It's okay. But I do love having talented friends.

And, did they ever rock the house at Christmas Around the World!!! I don't know if any dancers read my blog, but if they do, you guys were FANTABULOUS!! I really think it was one of the best shows I've been in/seen these past 6 years. It totally left me itching to come back and dance folk again. (Is that even an option I should seriously consider? Is it even an option? I am a student again............ I don't know. We'll see about that. It might have more merit had I made PAC ever. It wasn't for lack of talent, I am confident. I just wasn't the right person, for some reason. Anyways, leaving that tangent....). The opener was fantastic, and I thought it was a great way to feature more dances and dancers. I wish the floors were miked better during Elkridge a capella and the Irish stepabout, and I must say I missed hearing "Go Ye Now in Peace" at the end, although I didn't mind it being omitted, as it always seemed to interrupt the flow of the finale energy. I still think Tesha and Mike Steele would make a cute couple, and I love that Toffer has found such a cute girl to date. I was thrilled to see Emily doing the classical Indian number (perfect fit, in my book!), and I love that Colin and Amy partner each other quite a lot. It's cute. I can't tell if I love Courtney more in Indian or Black Sea Turkish..... both are awesome. And basically the whole audience was in love with the Serbian 'yips.' Deborah is my favorite fiddler ever, Nate and Adam G. rocked the banjo section, and I was secretly hoping that Russell W. had his trick fiddle for Orange Blossom special. And Jesse on the drums? Now there's a match made in heaven. I wish they had done the Chinese umbrella dance... Katie's one of my favorites in that one. Erin looked great dancing out there, and three months (?) pregnant too?! What a star. And Shua...... attracting ladies' hearts faster than an a bullet train..... what would we do without you? To all the alumni who danced tonight and/or danced when I was in the program (who may or may not read this) I love you! I loved dancing with you all and becoming friends with so many stellar people. You were my favorites, truth be told. Of course, three years worth of favorites makes for quite a lot :) . Hooray for BYU Folk Dance, hooray for dance, and hooray for lives unfolding daily into new, great adventures.

Born to Dance

I was born to dance. Inside me is a soul that yearns to forever speak through movement, unadulterated motion, uninhibited flow. Words aren't enough to convey those emotions... they are too limited. Motion extends into eternity.

I've got a hankering

Seriously, I've been hankering lately. It's probably just the usual "I wish I were dating someone" thing.... but it is a hankering, nonetheless. And Clog America... I'm wishing I were dancing with them so I could go to Turkey this summer. I turned down TURKEY!!! As in, Istanbul, the Blue Mosque, the Hagia Sophia, the bazaars, and reuniting with our awesome Turkish friends. I'm even hankering for BYU Folk Dance. I finished with that over two years ago! I guess I'm just feeling unsettled... but in a way that I feel like will motivate me to do things. For example, maybe I'll train for a half marathon. Yeah, me, the no-good, very bad runner.... but it could be fun. And maybe it will help curb my wanton hankering for things I can't have or don't have.

Age marches on

How soon hath Time, the subtle thief of youth, stolen on his wing my three-and-twentieth year!

John Milton


I know it's a little early to broach the subject, but I will soon be turning ages again, adding yet another year and opening a new 12-month chapter of experiences. Besides, how often do you get a quote that so perfectly matches your current status?

100th post

Wow, I've been blogging for over a year and have now hit my 100th post marker! Pretty exciting, if I do say so myself. (Well, maybe it was really rather anticlimactic, but I figure it was worth celebrating anyways.) It's always interesting to go back and read what I wrote in past months and year(s). Seeing where I have been helps me remember where I am going. I wonder, sometimes, if I wasn't more on target in the past than I am each day... but I think that's just the benefit of 20-20 retro-vision. So, here's to transcribing the present to have a referent in the future that captures the past.

Here's today's gem for the past/future. I came across this in John Bytheway's "What I Wish I'd Known When I Was Single." It was a great read, with some excellent quotes, advice, etc. I found this one by Edison to be reflective of my dating..... I go out on a fair number of dates-- quite a few compared to some girls-- and yet am generally single and unattached. Why? I haven't found my incandescent filament yet. It has yet to be discovered.

Results! Why, man, I have gotten
lots of results. I know several thousand
things that won’t work.
—Thomas A. Edison

I (heart) Michael Buble

This song really fits where I'm at now. I went through a really big rut/valley/trench for about two weeks, but I have thankfully made it through that and back on balance. I'm thankful for how topsy-turvy I became then, because I now feel like I have a stronger faith in the future. One thing I've realized, looking at friends who are now engaged, is that so much can change in such a short amount of time. I still think it will take something of a miracle for me to meet that guy, but I know that it will happen. When it should happen. And it is worth waiting for :)

This is wonderful!

Sunny Sunday

So I've been thinking many thoughts, particularly in the past week. Deep thoughts, even. And what I've learned, though I hope I keep learning beyond this simple lesson, is that there are always answers. While it's not exactly the desire of my heart, I have gotten answers that I needed to internalize on my path to achieving/receiving the desire of my heart. Each trial and test is a stepping stone in that path, and it shapes who I am now into who I can be- someone that I may not see in myself, but that the Lord sees in me.

Alma 7:23 And now I would that ye should be ^ahumble, and be ^bsubmissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.
I came across this scripture during my reading this week, and knew that it was speaking to me, specifically, of things I needed to do. Anger and frustration, though we may feel impelled to express those emotions sometimes, are not the keys to anything at all, except more anger, frustration, and alienation from the Spirit. This was my first key in facing my current trial. Let the anger go and embody these qualities instead.


D&C 58:2 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that ^akeepeth my commandments, whether in life or in ^bdeath; and he that is ^cfaithful in ^dtribulation, the ^ereward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.

3 Ye cannot behold with your natural ^aeyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the ^bglory which shall follow after much tribulation.

4 For after much ^atribulation come the ^bblessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be ^ccrowned with much ^dglory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.

5 Remember this, which I tell you before, that you may ^alay it to heart, and receive that which is to follow.

A dear friend of mine offered this scripture for advice, when I sought his insight. It truly touched my heart, for I recognized the truth was resounding in my heart. Remembering these things is difficult, and that is often what lets small challenges become big trials. To remember something..... it means we already know it and simply need to bring it to the front of our thoughts. We can't know, really, what lies ahead of us. But it's going to be good. There will still be problems, and hard times will always be close at hand, but it will be something better than we could ever have imagined. I have imagined a lot, so sometimes it's hard to think that there's anything better than what I've dreamt up for myself, but there is.

Well, I suppose that is enough for today. It's time for break the fast, so I'm going to go mingle with people (I hope). Ace is sick and has been so kind as to take residence in all the public areas of our apartment-- I swear she spends most of her day at the desk in the kitchen-- so now that I'm beginning to feel a cold coming on, I'm rather wary. Oh well, she'll cough where she wants, I suppose, and I'll suffer the consequences. Let's hope what I had this summer was swine flu and that I don't get it again from her. Or her sick friend she brought over the other day.... yeah. If I do get it, I will at least be courteous and keep to my room, for the general sake of whoever comes to our apartment, so they have a chance of NOT getting it.

Crop Circles

It's interesting how time overlaps and runs into itself. How slow it moves at times, while running faster and faster every day. I remember last Halloween so vividly. I had purple hair sticking straight up into the sky. I went bowling with the ward and saw Jean Valjean, who I most certainly had a crush on. A group of us, including Gandalf (Landon Christensen) waited in line to see the engineering haunted house, but for some reason we left before going inside. Kristen was Alice in Wonderland, Cami was Raggedy Ann, and they both helped me deconstruct my hair before we went to watch "I Am Legend." It is so amazing how much changes in a year. I live in a different apartment, different ward .... which I need to make more of an effort to connect with. I had a very lame costume, although I did come out looking cute in the end. I went to a Halloween party... and saw Jean Valjean's brother, who is now married, but at the time last year was just getting things going with the girl. Was it the very next day that we watched "Ironman" and I was SO psyched to be squished next to my Valjean? Indeed, it was. I shouldn't say that I liked things better last year- it does no good to live in the past- but I really did like things last year. This year is just a bit more of a test, I guess. The rise and fall of a year..... time rolling over itself, into itself, through itself.

Time Travel

So when getting my pictures from Nebraska off my camera, I realized I had some other ones from the beginning of the semester that I hadn't taken off yet. Thus, I haven't told the stories of them either! So, in more or less chronological order, here we go.

World of Dance, September 16-19

Fulfilling yet another dance dream, I got to perform in World of Dance, with the top BYU dance groups, in the de Jong Concert Hall. Colleen West choreographed a tap dance to a mix of Michael Buble songs for the concert. I actually didn't even have to audition... since she knows my dancing. That was a happy moment for me. Anyways, we started rehearsing a week before school started and put together the dance in a week! Thank goodness we had two and a half weeks after that to polish, stage, and do dress rehearsals.


The performances were absolutely amazing! The audience loved us and gave us some of the loudest cheers each night. Saturday night was my absolute favorite performance, though. It was our second performance that day- we had a matinee show- but even so, I felt so energized. Ideally, the dance (and dancers) should build in energy from the first movement to the last step. Usually I would feel that energy jump as the last section began, but on Saturday night each development of the music gradually and naturally built into the final climax. It was an energy level I hadn't tapped (ha! pun intended) into yet. AMAZING. Outside of that performance, I loved the feeling I got at the end of each dance. As we hit the last pose, slowly turning with the BOOM and the fading lights...cheers and claps growing into resounding applause... that, too, is an awesome feeling.

Here's most of the group. Aren't our costumes so cool?

We really bonded in the green room. And I got to refresh my tie tying skills. Those ties must have been for younger guys, because they were awfully short! It's a bit of a miracle that we were able to tie them long enough to stay tucked in our jackets. Go skillz.



Here is a happy hot air balloon that was flying over campus one day. Some intelligent person a few days earlier had called BYU police to report a (different) hot air balloon floating over campus. I love reading the Daily Universe, especially Police Beat! I swear, our highly academic institution has some very, uh, less-intelligent people running around sometimes. That or they need to think a bit longer before they do things. Police Beat happily informed the student body that BYU doesn't own the airspace above BYU ground. I know I was worried that a hot air balloon invasion could be occurring. :)

Really though, I loved walking in to work in the brisk morning air and seeing this bright rainbow balloon. That's a good way to start your day.

Incredible Weekend in Cornhusker-ville

Welcome to Lincoln, Nebraska!!

Be prepared, there's lots of pictures.



So this weekend I took a quick trip out to see Chad and Michelle in Lincoln. It was so much fun! Not only is it always nice to get a break from the bubble that is Provo, but we had so much fun too!

Saturday was our day out and about Lincoln. Since it was game day, we opted to stay away from downtown. We went to buy some last things for Baby Boy Burgin (Freddy? Barathamew?). He's not even here yet and I just know he's going to be the cutest thing ever! His room is so cute, with his striped bumpers and swing all set up. And Michelle got the cutest little carrier cover so he doesn't freeze in the Nebraska wind. He'll be like a little Sherpa in his sheepskin wrap! Michelle and I had a fun time trying to get the carrier unlatched from the base.... It's actually a lot easier than it looks. Yeah... rock on being blonde.

Speaking of blonde.... so at the airport on the way out, I was waiting for my bags to go through the screening check (I flew all carry-on). I was waiting and waiting because I thought the guy was double-checking the luggage from the lady in front of me. Then I saw her grabbing her bags. I looked down and realized that I hadn't pushed my bags far enough for the conveyor to catch them. The guy was just sitting tapping his fingers...... yeah. Blonde moment. At least no one said anything about it :)

So after our trip to Target, we drove up to East Campus (UNL) to see Chad's law school. It's a nice area. And, just a little bit down the road is the.... dum dum duhhhhhhh TADA!! The Tractor Museum!

This cute little old man gave the tour. Apparently, Nebraska law makers back in the early 1900's made a law that every tractor sold in Nebraska had to be tested for drawbar pull and... some other kind of pull. As you can see in this picture, the tour was geared more towards Chad than Michelle and me.

Hey, there, good lookin'! We had some great photo ops while Chad got educated on tractors. And they did have some sweet John Deere tractors... my favorites!

They even had some old cars! I don't remember what this one was, but they had a Model T Ford truck around the corner.

This is my attempt at an artistic shot. Tractors are tough models... the car worked a little better. This is its headlight, framed by the wheel. The picture quality seems to be lacking... I'm hoping to get a new camera one of these days.

Did I mention that I like John Deere?

There are only so many things you can do trying to get cool pictures of tractors. And, unfortunately, I don't think I got a picture of THE tractor that was actually used in a test. They only test one from each model, and the museum had one of those! It was orange... and very exciting.

Sadly, that's where the pictures end... but not the adventures! Saturday night I had a blind date with a friend of Chad's in law school, Gavin Parker. Wow, I had so much fun! We went downtown to the Haymarket district for dinner. The Cornhuskers lost the football game, but there was still some rowdy partying going on. We ended up going to an Indian restaurant (LOVE Indian food!) and spent forever talking and occasionally eating. If anyone ever goes to The Oven in Lincoln, get the Chicken Bhutan. It was amazing! After dinner we headed out to find some ice cream. There was some negotiation, a few trust falls (ok maybe not), and some sweet moonwalking involved in the selection: Bunny Tracks. You gotta love the chocolate fudge goodness and peanut butter-filled bunnies. Suffice it to say, it was a most enjoyable evening. And the best part? I got a second round on Sunday! I went with Gavin to the Lincoln singles ward-- awesome people there-- and afterwards we had lunch. We cooked up some BLT's and ended up having lunch with his two roommates, Jordan and Miles, and Miles' girlfriend, Darcy. It was so much fun! They're really cool people. We had some ice cream for dessert, and Gavin was kind enough to leave some bunnies in mine :)

So, hooray for Nebraska!! Thanks Chad and Michelle for being such great hosts. I can't wait to come visit again!

Better Days

Today is a better day. It was a difficult week, but today I felt a very big measure of peace. I know that things always work out in the end. It's getting through the meantime that is hard. But on the same count, the meantime is the most important part of the process! It's what you do there that dictates where you stand in the "end." I know there are still things I need to do in my "meantime," but I'm on a good track. That feels good.

Swimming

I feel like I'm swimming, lately. Which way is up? Where am I going? I've got a general idea, but I'm still under water, just a little bit.

Under Water
10/6/09

Shimmering images dart
Across the wavering surface
And I watch from beneath.
The world is just a little upside-
Down
Where do I go now?
Center is not where it used to be
Images, colors, lights
Shift
Something is missing
It's not quite right
But the remedy is not under water
And I am.
I can only attempt--
Push--
With my feeble strength
Directions unknown

Poem I didn't realize I wrote

I had to google the phrases, just to make sure I hadn't copied someone else's work. I saw this poem in one of my journals (ask me how many journals I have). I assume it was written between 4/6/08 and 4/11/08, because it is on a page between those two dated entries. There is absolutely nothing else on the page, besides a pen squiggle, to help me identify what inspired the poem. It doesn't even seem complete..... but since I have no idea what I was talking about, I really can't go back and finish it now, can I? In greatest humility, I was impressed with the imagery and lyric (which is why I had to google it and see if it was copied). For your enjoyment: the poem I didn't know I wrote.

Face hid behind fan
Ever unattainable
Always unto death

Here within the court
Scents, sight, and ceremony
Useless days on end

He the golden child
Risen up to great power
Beloved by all

Original punctuation and spelling preserved

Addendum: I read through these some more and decided that they are three separate poems: haiku, to be precise. If you read them, they have the standard 5-7-5 syllabic line structure. I usually write free verse, so for these to have such a structured rhyme leads me to believe that I wrote these on purpose, as a practice in haiku.

Post Script to Addendum: I believe these three haiku are based on a class I took last year, Asian Literary Traditions. I'd say they best describe events in the Tale of Genji. Why I am slowly thinking of all this, I don't know. But there ya go. I guess my mystery composition isn't as exciting as I first thought.

Made my morning

I was dashing out the door to school/work this morning, happy to have an effective window scraper (sad that I don't have underground parking anymore), happy to be awake (even though sleep is so good) and happy to be driving my car (which needs gas and air in the tires-- my afternoon project). Ok, so maybe I wasn't consciously as happy as all that sounds, but as I drove up the hill past the Tanner and Hinckley buildings, then stopped to wait for the light, I saw something that brightened my day.

In the left turn lane was a red car with its flashers on, two young men standing at the back bumper. They were pushing the car. The green arrow came on and they needed to push the car up the last of the hill and through the left turn. They dug in their heels and started going... and not 10 seconds into it another guy, who was waiting to cross the road, ran over and joined in. Not a few seconds later, a fourth young man joined, having seen the scene as he was walking away from campus, down the hill.

They weren't football players; they probably didn't even know each other. I wonder if any of them even knew the driver of the car. They had places to be getting to and things that needed to be done. But in the crisp fall morning of pre 8 AM, they readily and un-begrudgingly gave service to someone in need. It impressed me. I had a big smile on my face as I turned into the ASB parking lot, ready to claim the prime "first" parking spot (the one next to the BYU official's stalls).

Frustrations

So today I was supposed to lead the class discussion in my CMPST 640R class. I read the book, read the supplemental readings, and prepared three main questions I wanted to discuss. I marked the passages, wrote out the questions with some guides as to where I wanted the discussion to lead, and went to bed feeling like I was prepared. I woke up, printed off the papers for everyone, and arrived early to class. I began my discussion with a short introduction as to how Book 1 and Book 2 are different, then moved into my first topic of inquiry.

Maybe people just don't like to talk at 8 in the morning. Maybe I didn't leave enough room for interpretation when I asked my question. Maybe I talked too much, not enough, or maybe I smelled funny. (I didn't: I showered before class). For whatever reason, though, no one really picked up on what I was putting down. Well... the professor did. And he dominated the conversation and discussion for a large part of the time. I did get to all my (three) questions, but they didn't go anywhere near where I envisioned them. Of course I could have examined the topics more along the angles he brought up, but I wanted to hear my classmates ideas on what I had prepared for them. At least I don't feel sick anymore. I was half-worried that I wouldn't make it through class. So that's a good thing, right?

Healthy as a Horse

I went to get my blood drawn today for a glucose and cholesterol. While there, I also got my blood pressure checked. 108/62!

How befitting for this night...

Today did not turn out to be the day I thought it would be. Certainly not the day I wanted it to be... no one wants days like these. I wish it could have only been a bad day for one person... not two people.

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.

Victor Hugo (1802-1885)

Re-decorating

I thought it was time to get a new background for my blog. I've had that busy pink background for quite a while, and I was really feeling in the mood for something... different. It's a little crisper, less frilly, and very satisfying for the onset of autumn and its colorful foliage.

I hope to finish tidying my room this weekend (cross fingers, knock on wood, rub the rabbit's foot). Then our kitchen needs to be cleaned, and it would be really great to get a cute thing or two to make it look like we live there. A rug, a centerpiece.... something. I feel kinda like the mom in my apartment, in that I feel like I do more of the cleaning etc. But then, I also cook more, so it makes sense that I have more dishes to do. (I'm not complaining about this either. I actually loved doing my chores last Saturday, because it meant I actually had time to do chores!)

Well I suppose that is sufficiently random for today. World of Dance is going awesomely well! Opening night was a little rocky, but last night was so wonderful!! I'm excited to keep improving for tonight and our final shows on Saturday. I also have my camera today, and hopefully will get some pictures to post. The hair/make-up combination isn't the most flattering, mostly because the slicked back hair makes me like rather bald but... oh well. I LOVE IT! Give me a stage any day, and I'll be a happy camper :)

PS. This just in: I think I may be having a workplace fling. It's just so sweet and refreshing, and I really am getting used to a daily fix. Talk about a cool customer though.... check this kid out!

YUM!!!

Rawr

So I've come to an important, though albeit disappointing, realization today. I am way too intolerant these days. Quick tempered, easily frustrated with others, not as patient as I should be....
RAWR! Sometimes I feel like I could just bite someone's head off!! Unfortunately, I tend to feel this way at work, which is bad because that's where I spend the majority of my day. I feel unappreciated for job responsibilities I was asked to fulfill for about 6 months on a volunteer basis. I did a really good job with the assignments I was given, and I still am doing some things they passed off to me. Having become the temporary liaison for that time, it became assumed that I suddenly knew how everything worked in our system. I don't. I know how to troubleshoot and think things through, but sometimes people still ask me questions as if I know everything and can figure out why the system does what it does. (I defy ANYONE to answer that question.) I like helping my coworkers, and they were really fabulous to help me out when I got bogged down a few weeks ago, but my attitude hasn't seemed to recover yet. I need to fix something so I can find joy in work again.

Stepping Stone

I said something intelligent in class today. In my 8am class. And it was even more than a one-sentence response. I feel more legitimate as a graduate student... which definitely feels good.

In other news, it's a rainy day with thunder and lightning. Of course I wore a very summery outfit today. Weather-- I refuse to conform!

Lastly, this week is World of Dance!!! I am so excited to perform on the big stage with such high caliber dancers. Dancing is like walking to me. Or breathing. I can't live without it. I hear beautiful music and the dancer in my head moves and creates amazing choreographies.

Humanity in Motion

I sat in the red cushioned seats, trying to ignore the disparity in my vision-- one contact in and one contact out is definitely not ideal--while a scene of true beauty unfolded on the stage. It took me the entire dance, but I think I grasped an idea of the underlying concept of the contemporary piece. Ripples. The same movement is made at the beginning and the end, bookending a transcendent array of interactions. As I watched, I was impressed with a sense of the universality of movement-- it's power to connect people elementally.

I really wish I had written my thoughts down earlier. Reading more philosophical homework assignments has a tendency to put my brain in constriction, and at this point my thoughts are not coming to remembrance. Sleep, where art thou?

Pensamientos de la muerte

Whoever thought working full time and doing grad school part time was a practical, nay, a good idea must needs be shot or hung or otherwise dispatched. Unfortunately, religion prevents me from suicide, so here I sit. Instead, I shall lay the other particulars of my life on the altar of self-sacrifice.... sacrifice of self to fulfill a wish of self under factors entirely controlled by self. Oh, the irony.

In truth, I do think I'll survive the semester. Barely. It just seems to be a lot right now because a) school just started, b) I am giving a lot of time to World of Dance preparation, c) I'm still getting back in the habit of shoving books into my head while gleaning deep insights from them. But hey, if I don't survive, maybe that's not such a bad thing. In the words of Alexander Pope~ "Who dies in youth and vigour, dies the best."

Work Brings Freedom

Black Shower Again

So I was in a hurry this morning to get out the door. I scurried into the bathroom, bleary-eyed and semi-conscious. I turned the water on, and GUSH! It was all black water again!! It was just a short spurt, but I could see the little floaties of black in the black water.... and to think that last time it did that I was IN the shower UNDER the water!?!!! Gross!!! I think it's time to have a little chat with management.

Life, untitled

Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.

Victor Hugo (1802-1885)

Photo by Rodney Smith

Raising Helen

Great movie. I just caught the end of it, and remembered the first time I saw it. It was right before I came out to college my freshman year, 5 years ago. I went with my best friend, Scarlet, to the movies in Joplin, as kind of a last hurrah together. The movie is really touching, and I know I was crying as I was driving us back to Carthage. I think it had finally hit me that things were going to change a lot, very soon; I don't think I realized that things would change forever. Dark night illuminated by streetlights, we sat at the light near the train tracks, having just turned on to that main road (Rangeline). My '86 BMW one of the few cars on the road-- I loved my first car. It had great stick shift/clutch action.

Interesting, what we remember.

Scary Shower

So this morning I hopped in the shower to get ready for church, which starts at the most pleasing time of 11:30am. I had slept in a bit, relishing my last sleeping-in day for the next several days. For some reason though, I have a habit of closing my eyes in the shower as the hot water washes over me. I guess it is relaxing and revitalizing, at the same time. Anyways, a few minutes in I was soaking my hair so I could start shampooing. All of a sudden, I open my eyes and see BLACK WATER on the wall and swirling down the drain. BLACK WATER!!! Immediately my mind recalled images of a TV show I'd seen where the girl is about to shower and then red water starts spurting out of the shower head (yeah, it was bloody water). So with that lovely image in my head, I start trying to make sense of the blackness. At this point, I can see that the water coming out of the shower head is clean; I start worrying if some kind of dye had rubbed on my hair while I was sleeping. I checked, and my hair was still blonde. After a few minutes of worry I finally just finished washing, as the water seemed clear (and planned to stay that way).

I told my roommate, Rachel, this story after church and our other roommate, Ace (Candace), said that she had seen her sink water turn black that morning! I assume it was the same time as my dark shower moment. It sure makes me wonder......... I just hope it doesn't happen ever again!

In other news, church was awesome! The ward seems very friendly and open, and I definitely plan to stay here more than my typical one-year stints. Not that my last ward was bad, but now I also have a nice apartment to tie me down too. I'm quite satisfied. Now if only I could find that last bag of kitchen stuff and finish unpacking my random boxes....

Like Old Times

A few days ago I was so bored I started reading what I had written on my blog, back when I first started it. Does that say something about me? I promise I'm not overly self-centered.... although my musings today may persuade you otherwise. Who are "you" anyways? I tend to write for my own amusement, although I certainly did post pictures/stories of my vacation for others to enjoy too. But generally... I just like writing. And it's been altogether too long since I've written a rather random recitation... recapitulation... anyways (we'll end that there).

So I have been thinking lately. I often do that, but I've been dwelling on some similar topics more as of late. On Saturday I went to the wedding reception of one of my good friends from folk dance and film class. Admittedly, I was rather late, but going alone just didn't make me want to get up and go earlier. I'm really glad I made it though, because she and her husband are just so cute! Besides, you only get married once, and I really appreciated that I had been invited to share in their celebration of that. I think sometimes I forget how special it is for the couple and how unique a day its for them. I'm usually too wrapped up in my own insecurities to appreciate that aspect. Thankfully, though, all of that was gone at this reception. Maybe it was good to go alone and arrive late. I really came just to congratulate my friend and her new husband. For the first time in many receptions, I didn't leave feeling sad, or ho-hum, or woe-is-me. I left happy and content.

Which leads me to a shocking revelation-- I like being single. I mean, yes, I have hard days where I'm sad about the continual singleness of my life, but more and more I'm LOVING the freedom I have. From going to Europe to being in dance companies to starting grad school, I have a lot of freedom. I'm teaching a dance class this year, largely because I can and I want to. (Okay, so they desperately needed a teacher. At least I was highly referred by my excellent Irish dance sister, Ananda). Obviously the trip to Europe is an extreme of freedom, mostly satiating my travel-lust and a few life dreams, but going to graduate school is moderately responsible. I like being free to do that. Don't worry, I'm sure somewhere in my future I'll change my mind. But for those who have heard me bemoan my fate at times, please note the general shift of my paradigm. Yes, I'll have bouts of loneliness in the future, but I think this marks the crossing of a threshold, in some small way.

I think this is sufficiently random. I hope in the future to recapture more of my fun "voice"-- in re-reading past posts I noticed that it's faded a little bit. Hopefully I'll have some fun stories as the semester gets underway.... between World of Dance, teaching my Irish class, Clog America (which I have to re-audition for this year), grad school, work, football games, new ward.... etc etc, that should keep me pretty busy!

Oh, and did I mention a new-found hobby? Ok, it's not really a hobby. It started more as a favor to a friend who wanted a model for some photography practice. But it was lots of fun! Here's a few shots-- kudos to Steve Myler, photographer extraordinaire. (The second one is his-- and probably my-- favorite shot).

Recipe to try out...

Cafe Rio Pork

Thoughts on Dance

America has been called a melting pot, but it seems better to call it a mosaic, for in it each nation, people or race which has come to its shores has been privileged to keep its individuality, contributing at the same time its share to the unified pattern of a new nation. -King Baudouin of Belgium (1930-1993)

I read this quote in my 'Word of the Day' email, and immediately thought how well it would fit in with my future master's thesis on dance in the humanities-- dance as a means of transmitting culture. Hopefully I remember this when I actually start working on it... in a few months/years!

Karlovac, Croatia July 7, 2009

Don't worry, at some point I'll add real information to the previous post. Probably after someone tells me they actually have read some of this and want to know more. Tee hee.

So this picture was taken in front of the theatre house in Karlovac. Not a movie theatre, a real one for operas and symphonies, and plays, etc. This is on our way across town and up the large hill to see Dubovac, the castle. Have I mentioned that place yet? Anyways, in keeping with European trends we walked the whole way there (go healthy factor!) and of course Heather and I couldn't resist getting in some fun shots along the way. Strike a pose!

Mostly I just wanted to say: I painted my fingernails tonight for the first time in a long time and I'm totally digging it.

Dravograd, Slovenia

I was going to add more about the show.... then I decided that I already have it all in my journal :) Ok, well maybe another day I'll change this and put real stuff on. Let me know if you want the rest of the story.